USMCHokie Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Obviously, during NC, it's best to not think about the ex and move on with your own life...but of course it's easier said than done... Last night, I was hanging out with a friend that is friends with the ex on facebook, and while she checking her facebook on her phone, she casually mentioned my ex's facebook status...I quickly told her I didn't want to hear about it and to not talk about her... When I went to bed, I ended up thinking about my ex...wondering what she's doing, how she's doing, even who she's doing...since it's been about 2 months of NC, I have absolutely no clue...not even speculation...so I was just wondering whether you all think it's worse for you to live in mystery or to find out about your ex's life...would you rather know your ex is dating someone new and happy, or not know anything and be left wondering... This isn't meant to be a question on ignoring your ex's life, but whether you'd rather know or not know about their life during the coping stage... Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I'd rather not know. Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Not sure in your case? In my case, I definitely know she involved, as the guy she left me for literally lives right up the street from me. Made the mistake one early and drove by and there was her car in front of his. It definitely puts some finality in the situation for me...though I actually bought her bull**** when she said she just wanted space...dumb mistake assuming she was being truthful. she went from discussing moving in and wedding plans a month earlier, to shacking up with her former best friends recently divorced ex-husband....his first relationship sine his July divorce...sucks to be her....I'm sure when the fluff over, he'll dump her ass like a should 2 yrs ago.... I think you're being very strong in resisting the urge to see your ex's current status. There is definintely a greater sense of closure in knowing she may be someone else, though it may be a tougher pill to swallow. My advice, keep doing what your doing....there will come a day soon, where regardless of whether you know or not, you won't give a ratsass either way! Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 apologies for not proofing my post first.... Link to post Share on other sites
Confused728 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 i think i rather not know i blocked him long time ago on face book, which he was mad about..., but a freind did the same thing to me and told me he changed his relationship status to single...lol though i put mine single first cause i wanted to beat him to it thats prob why he changed his some one prob told him what mine said. i saw another friends pics on face book and he was in it, wish i didnt look. i have pretty good self control though and dont go searching...i think he wanted to check mine i kinda want to unlock him now so i can let him see mine and hopefully get his mind going since he the one that doesnt wanna work on getting back together with me Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Obviously, during NC, it's best to not think about the ex and move on with your own life...but of course it's easier said than done... Last night, I was hanging out with a friend that is friends with the ex on facebook, and while she checking her facebook on her phone, she casually mentioned my ex's facebook status...I quickly told her I didn't want to hear about it and to not talk about her... When I went to bed, I ended up thinking about my ex...wondering what she's doing, how she's doing, even who she's doing...since it's been about 2 months of NC, I have absolutely no clue...not even speculation...so I was just wondering whether you all think it's worse for you to live in mystery or to find out about your ex's life...would you rather know your ex is dating someone new and happy, or not know anything and be left wondering... This isn't meant to be a question on ignoring your ex's life, but whether you'd rather know or not know about their life during the coping stage... I dont want to know what he is doing that is why I am doing NC. I am trying to get past it cause I didnt want to break up and I want mimize the pain. If my friends would tell me something, I would be furious with that person to the point that I would break up with them. Not playing Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 The first time I attempted NC, I was tortured by not knowing what he was doing. I knew he liked another girl when I left, but wasn't sure how serious. I got my answers, and now I don't really care to know. I'd prefer not to because that stirs up way too many confusing feelings. I'm rather peaceful now without knowing. I know now my 'hopes' are just hopes, imaginations, but not in the least true. So, I like it better not knowing, guess that's the point of NC. If you knew, then it would be like talking to them still.... but without the talking? Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Way prefer not to know. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I am all for NC, don't get me wrong, but it does depend on how you heal. For me, I know that my ex is now engaged. Nothing could be worse to my heart to know that. Thing is, I can heal NOW. What else can he do? Say,"HAHA I'm marrying somebody else and not YOU-hoo!"? I get it, he wants to spend forever with anyone else but me. What I have learned is that I AM the lucky one. I am not marrying someone who freshly dumped another girl to be with another. I am not the one who still wanted to sleep with both of us because "he wasn't sure who he loved." My ex is beyond bizarre and that is what his future wife will inherit. I am glad I know what he's doing because it makes me disgusted by his behavior and feel glad I can move on from such an awful person. Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 i think i rather not know i blocked him long time ago on face book, which he was mad about... Same for me. The dumper got annoyed because I deleted and blocked her immediately... Weird... Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 ignorance is bliss. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused728 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 noble guy lol truth is maybe the acutlly still want us, i dont know, i dont see why the would be mad that we are cutting them off otherwise... mine still on occasion sends a text, i havent talked to him in six weeks now but in that time he has send four text messages and one about two weeks ago saying "good morning, hope all is well with you" wich i didnt asnwer... at first mine was a mutual break up, then i wanted to work things out and he said i thought we agreed to this break up... and didnt wanna get back together but said maybe in future but wasnt rushing into anything.. he didnt want me to go nc, said we made good freinds, got mad when i took him off face book and even madder when i completley blocked him... always said he didnt like it when i told him we werent goign to talk, and he didndt want that to happen.. why is he like this????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I've very recently decided that I don't want to know the details of his life anymore. No more looking up his status on the internet. ugh. Thank GOD that's over with. I've promised myself I wouldn't look, and now (day 7) I just don't care to look. I mean, I KNOW he's moving on with his life. I am also moving on with my life. We will both be meeting new people, we will both be dating. Yes, both be sleeping with other people. ahhhhh! Life! Yes, I'm okay with not knowing the details. That was sooo yesterday. haha Link to post Share on other sites
SushiOji Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I thought I didn't want to know but as soon as I found out she slept with someone else it finally made me give up on the hope I was holding on to that was preventing me from truly moving on and now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am still hurting, don't get me wrong, but now I no longer sit wondering if she is thinking about me, if I will get a text from her, if I should break NC. I feel like I understand now when people say YOU MUST LET GO in order to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 broke 25 days NC right b4 halloween. nice convo. she told me what she was being for halloween. completely innocent from her perspective, however i used the google, looked it up and it sent me into a depression. ugh Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I thought I didn't want to know but as soon as I found out she slept with someone else it finally made me give up on the hope I was holding on to that was preventing me from truly moving on and now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am still hurting, don't get me wrong, but now I no longer sit wondering if she is thinking about me, if I will get a text from her, if I should break NC. I feel like I understand now when people say YOU MUST LET GO in order to move on. That was exactly my experience. It hurt like hell but once I knew, I knew to give up on her and getting on with things on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 In the beginning, I never wanted to know. I had immediately gone NC on my ex. We had spent 5 years together and speaking to him was just too painful. After 5 to 6 months of total NC, I had the occasion to speak to him and found out that he had dumped me for another woman and that during the break up, he wasn't at any emotional loss at all (partly because he did it by email and partly because he most likely cheated on me with her). For those 6 months, while I was struggling and emotionally distraught, he was laughing it up with another woman and most likely thinking thank goodness he was rid of me. But I always thought he was sad. In retrospect, I wish I would have known this immediately instead of 6 months later because it would have allowed me to see my ex for what he really is, not what I thought he was or what his emails painted him to be. When I found out all of these things, I felt betrayal all over again and then a few days later, I stopped thinking about him and us. Finding out how colossal a douche he was had some finality to it and I immediately felt better because I knew in the end that the truth illustrated to me what I needed to see to move on. As another poster said, whether finding out is good, is how you heal. For me, it removed all doubts Link to post Share on other sites
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