Screwed - and screwed over?

[New York Jill]

Here's the deal:

 

I live w/ 2 room mates. Recently, Dave (one of the roomies) and I started to hang out a lot more together. I fully thought there was "something" there, and eventually I figured something would happen. After a late night of talking, we ended up in bed together. Dave assured me it was the start of a relationship, and it wouldn't ruin our friendship. Now, things are totally screwed. Dave is awkward and indifferent to me. I didn't expect a wedding ring, but I had hoped thing would at least stay the same - not get worse.

 

When I talked to him about it, he said "things don't have to happen all the time," and that he "needed time to think." I feel horrible. He's smart, funny, and cute, and I'm way into him. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have done anything in the first place. I told him I couldn't handle casual sex, and that I want to talk when he's done all his "thinking." He got totally offended when at the use of "casual sex" and said it was more than that, but I'm not sure.

 

Is he just trying to save face? I mean, does he totally want out but can't say it? Is there any way I can repair the damage? A week ago, he was super interested, now he could care less. Let me know what you think, please.

[KITTY]

i say act like nothing happened go on with your life. start seeing new people and he will get the hint that he's messing up a good thing. but, be sure to act non-chalant about the whole thing. if guys can do it so can we.

Here's the deal: I live w/ 2 room mates. Recently, Dave (one of the roomies) and I started to hang out a lot more together. I fully thought there was "something" there, and eventually I figured something would happen. After a late night of talking, we ended up in bed together. Dave assured me it was the start of a relationship, and it wouldn't ruin our friendship. Now, things are totally screwed. Dave is awkward and indifferent to me. I didn't expect a wedding ring, but I had hoped thing would at least stay the same - not get worse. When I talked to him about it, he said "things don't have to happen all the time," and that he "needed time to think." I feel horrible. He's smart, funny, and cute, and I'm way into him. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have done anything in the first place. I told him I couldn't handle casual sex, and that I want to talk when he's done all his "thinking." He got totally offended when at the use of "casual sex" and said it was more than that, but I'm not sure.

 

Is he just trying to save face? I mean, does he totally want out but can't say it? Is there any way I can repair the damage? A week ago, he was super interested, now he could care less. Let me know what you think, please.

[billy the kid]

I totally agree with Kitty, you were screwed over.. the guys a jerk and doesn't deserve you.You were honest and he wasn't... go on there is someone out there for you, Hey if i keep saying this enough I might start to believe it,, lol just kidding..

i say act like nothing happened go on with your life. start seeing new people and he will get the hint that he's messing up a good thing. but, be sure to act non-chalant about the whole thing. if guys can do it so can we.

[Tony T]

Here's the deal.

 

Men want what they can't have. Men want a challenge. Men are not usually interested in a woman who is throwing herself at him. The spark that ignites the fire of passionate love is unpredictability and challenge. I've probably written that 100 times on this forum in my posts.

 

If you want to resume something hot with this guy, lay back, do your own thing, make yourself scarce and play his game no matter how difficult it may be for you. Don't put such importance on his reaction to you.

 

Be nice to him, react to him in a normal way, but give him a run for his money. Don;t be around him so much. Don't give him the attention you used to. Be away from him a lot more doing things with your friends. Blow his mind. Make HIM wonder what the hell is going on.

 

I can't believe the number of people who do not understand this concept. The chase is always more intriguing than the catch.

 

When you have sex with some guys, in their mind the chase is over. But if you behave properly, stay cool, and don't cry all over the place you can ignite his fire big time. I'm afraid to say that for many men, you have to do this for the rest of your life. Rarely do both people in a relationship remain hot and heavy for the other for a long period of time. Usually, one or both get very comfortable and that's just fine.

 

Sorry, but this is the only way you'll be able to resurrect this situation. If it's worth it to you, you have to play the game.

[KellyT]

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time out to give their advice! You guys are definitely right, and I'm going to do my best to beat him at his own game. Special thanks to Tony, for teaching me the rules. You're so right it's scary. Thanks for being there!