LDR's and when the mate is out of town

[b52s]

I started an LDR post somewhere else...didn't realize there was an LDR FORUM actually. lol

 

Anyhow, there's this woman that hangs out with a group of us, she's kind of new.....and her and this guy seems to be really hitting it off, they're always hanging out together as friends, touchy feely with each other and always flirting. At first I thought they were hitting it off and they had started dating.

 

Turns out, she has a boyfriend that's long distance. He travels alot for his work. So , when she goes out, it's to socialize.

 

That being said, when boyfriend (or girlfriend) is out of town, do you get a wandering eye and start flirting with others?

 

Does this allow temptation to perhaps find someone else since the LDR you're in might not go anywhere? Finding people when you're out at parties or bowing activities when the boyfriend / girlfriend is away, does it make you think you perhaps should find someone geographically desirable?

 

And by exposing yourself to the local single scene...might just do that for you?

[Flavour]

This girl is not in love. Anyway I can speak only for myself......I am constantly at home, or working, or taking care of my son or anything.....but I am not flirting, obvious.

And of course this is one of the times of my life when I could do it most.... but I don't care. I am always thinking of him.

[Els]

Course there's temptation. Frankly, even if one's partner was around, they wouldn't be there 24/7. There's work, extra activities, hobbies, sports, bars, church, you name it - there will be occasions when you're meeting single, eligible people of the opposite sex without your partner around. Everyone will be exposed to temptation, although admittedly it's higher in LDRs.

 

If I love the guy, I would hope that it doesn't affect me. Sure hasn't so far - and I've been approached by a few guys.

[VeveCakes]

Not for me, I have eyes for one person only! Just because my boyfriend is accross the ocean doesn't change that I am in a commited relationship. It's easy for me though, he's all I see

[b52s]

Not for me, I have eyes for one person only! Just because my boyfriend is accross the ocean doesn't change that I am in a commited relationship. It's easy for me though, he's all I see

 

So, you never go hang out with friends?

[Lovin a scrapper]

So, you never go hang out with friends?

 

 

 

What does being totally committed to her relationship have to do with hanging out with friends?

 

That question is completely irrelevant.

[Maggs]

No, never once been tempted. Not even to flirt. My fiance is my soulmate and I think of no one else but him.

[VeveCakes]

So, you never go hang out with friends?

 

 

LOL yes exactly what does that have to do with being tempted? YES, I go out with friends. I go to work every day, I have an active social life.

 

I didn't realize being in a commited relationship meant locking yourself in your house!

[Els]

OP, I'm really curious whether you genuinely want to know, or you've already made up your mind about your opinion and have come to mock those of us who want to prove it wrong? :/ It's pretty obvious when she said 'he's all I see' that she means it metaphorically. As in, 'I don't have eyes for other guys'.

[AnnPod]

I hang out with my friends, also from opposite sex, I go dancing and I get drunk with them. And yes occasionally there are ppl who try it, and in some cases they even know I have a boyfriend. I think flirting and stuff is OK, as long as it doesn't cross a certain line - obviously where it gets more than a little bit of playing - NO physical whatsoever. I personally hate the thought of my boyfriend hanging out with anyone - especially female and not me - but I know that I couldn't handle if he would try to prohibit me to do things. So yeah, same rules for both.

 

I don't wanna judge anybody's statement here, but according to my experience most people, especially when they are in their 20ties, like flirting, no matter if in a relationship or not, and it happens more often when the partner is absent. I think it's something you just have to tolerate. And you have to trust your partner and yourself that you won't give away a relationship that is so important to you that you keep it - even though it just fundamentally sucks sometimes - for a little moment of fun.

[Lovin a scrapper]

OP, I'm really curious whether you genuinely want to know, or you've already made up your mind about your opinion and have come to mock those of us who want to prove it wrong? :/ It's pretty obvious when she said 'he's all I see' that she means it metaphorically. As in, 'I don't have eyes for other guys'.

 

 

I would love to know this as well Elswyth. Excellent question.

 

OP, these questions you have are something you should be asking your friend. Everyone that I know of in here respects, cares and loves the people that we are in LDR's with far too much to be tempted to stray no matter what we are doing.

[carvidep]

Temptation is unavoidable. It's whether or not you act on it that's important. I have no desire to act on temptation, because I like my guy too much. I see no reason to seek attention from another guy when I've already found someone who makes me a billion times happier than I already am. I'm not willing to risk losing that just for a "good time".

 

Unfortunately though, I love people and talking, and sometimes my talkative get-to-know-you demeanor comes off as flirting, so I know I have to be careful.

[Person012345]

I hate being around people, I've never been flirty and I've never had a social life. Pretty much my life is on the web. So no. That being said, even if I did I am committed to my SO 100%. I don't want anyone else. She is the other half of me. If the world best supermodel offered me, I'd respectfully decline. If it happened that someone I could barely resist started with me I would have to talk to my SO. If the girl can't wait, then no. If she was ok with it (there are reasons why she might be) then I would consider doing something, but I only would if I thought everything would end up ok (I believe normally that even with permission it might damage the relationship, but this case maybe not, as I say I'd assess). If she said no, then no. I couldn't risk losing her for anything. Although I do know that's not going to happen, I'm kind of lucky in that there is no temptation for me anyway.

 

We trust each other 100% I know she's not going to go out and do anything, and she knows I won't. I didn't start this LDR because I thought it would be fun. I just fell completely in love with my SO. I have never found this anywhere before in my life, and I probably never will. I wouldn't trade her for anyone.

 

Besides, ours is going somewhere. 4 years or so and we should be together for good. It's a long wait, but compared to the human life span and the time I'll spend with her, it's nothing, and well worth it. I'm not going to jeopardise my relationship over someone else.

[b52s]

I hate being around people, I've never been flirty and I've never had a social life. Pretty much my life is on the web. So no. That being said, even if I did I am committed to my SO 100%

 

Somehow, I don't buy this, if this is true...then this is an entirely different conversation altogether.

 

Also,if this were true, then how is it you even have or met your significant other?

 

 

Anyhow, if problems had arisen where there is an out of sight out of mind situation, and someone felt the urge to break free of a LDR, I would hope the said party would let their sig. other know that they'd like to move from the LDR and date others (locally).

[parky-our-zeppelin]

If you have a set timeline for when you'll be back together and you're really in love, there should never be any "wandering eye." Otherwise there's no point in having the relationship at all. You need to be really and truly committed.

[Els]

No point in posting further, IMO. All replies were unanimous except the OP's, and he seemed uninterested in responding to any comments other than nitpicking at random sentences in them.