Author FarFetched Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Dazed, I sent her a response last night that told her I'm done playing this game. I told her the only thing she could do at this point is show up here at my door. Otherwise, I'm not interested in seeing her or talking with her. I was tempted to send her an email today to tell her I was absolutely done, and remind her of all the things she has done to me to get me to come to that realization. But, in the end, I decided not to. She already knows everything. Now I need to figure out when to ship her stuff out to her and mail her the completed dissolution paperwork. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 The talented liars will make you feel bad for questioning them in the first place. If you find that you are consistently made to feel guilty for your suspicions, they are probably lying. A genuine person finds another way to show their truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Lying has been the hardest thing for me to admit about myself. I lost myself in it. I am sickened over the lies I have told - and even more sickened at the lengths I went to and embellishments I told. What's worse, it actually got easy. It's somewhat an addiction. Once you start it just spirals out of control - I swear I started to believe myself somehow. Ann, no matter what happens, by taking the steps you are taking you're putting yourself into a position to really help people. By coming clean and recognizing these things, you'll have tremendous insight, instincts and strength. Others will guess, you will know. In addition, you'll be giving your children something they can really use in life. But, you've got to keep moving forward and (not just) thinking of Ann. I know you know that. I cant tell you what to do...but from my own experience...i did that back and forth game for over two years. It has sucked me dry...trying to keep my ex in my life...trying to "help" him...trying to make him "see". I listened to the lies...allowed him to manipulate me...let him use me....EVERYTHING. I fought that little voice inside telling me "thats enough" i wanted him and wanted it to work...and when i thought it couldnt get any lower...it did. I did all this because i loved him...and to be honest...despite everything he did to me....i still do. I finally went nc (absolutely nothing) this past month...and have come to realize that i loved him so much...i lost me...and i wasnt helping either of us. I love him so much...i had to let him go...so that he can go through what he needs to go through...and all i can do is hope that one day he wakes up to get help...and finds himself too. Letting go is so hard...but i am getting ME back...a piece at a time. Sometimes love isnt always about hanging on....sometimes its about letting go. You are awesome D&C. Your words have the power of conviction behind them. Those of us who have lived it know the pain this realization costs. We also know that when it comes, the spirit will soon follow the heart and find its way out of the pain. Self-preservation is a powerful thing, isn't it? But that's what it always comes down to. Good post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FarFetched Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 I spoke with my wife this morning. We started talking about how she can never make up her mind about wanting to be out here or not. She said that she would get excited about it and make up her mind that she wants to be here, but then I would accuse her of lying and it would put her back to square one again. So I asked her, "And why do I call to accuse you of lying and say I don't want to see you?" She responds, "Because I have been lying to you." I told her she doesn't seem to realize the role she plays in where things have gotten. I also said that she hasn't expressed any regret for what she has done, or apologized in any way for the hell she has put me through. I told her that all these things have shown me that she has become a different person, and that I am not interested in being married to that person. So, she asks, "So should I cancel my flight then?" I responded, "Yes, I think that would be a good idea." Then, she hung up on me. I don't think I will be hearing from her for a while and I am okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Damn man Id pay good money to get her out of my life. Here, take it, but never call me again. Get a lawyer, change your numbers, emaiuls etc, and get the f'k away from her. Barring that join a masochist chat board. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 If my STBXW's lips are moving she is lieing. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodDad Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I'm not sure why the STBX's or spouse's lie. Maybe they think they are protecting our feelings, or just think they are being sly. All the lies come out in the end, I am a firm believer in that. When they lie to us they are just lying to themselves and worse off for it. GD Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I'm not sure why the STBX's or spouse's lie. Maybe they think they are protecting our feelings, or just think they are being sly. All the lies come out in the end, I am a firm believer in that. When they lie to us they are just lying to themselves and worse off for it. GD Mine claimed she lied about her 3yr affair because she felt so awful about it & didn't want to hurt me. Yeah. That makes perfect sense. And her excuses: maybe if we waited to marry maybe if we waited to have kids. Oh I know, maybe if you hadn't signed up on an online dateing site? I'm not an expert on marriage here, but I think maybe, just maybe that could of been a catalyst for her having an affair. Just thinking out loud mind you. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodDad Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Mine claimed she lied about her 3yr affair because she felt so awful about it & didn't want to hurt me. Yeah. That makes perfect sense. And her excuses: maybe if we waited to marry maybe if we waited to have kids. Oh I know, maybe if you hadn't signed up on an online dateing site? I'm not an expert on marriage here, but I think maybe, just maybe that could of been a catalyst for her having an affair. Just thinking out loud mind you. LOL, I am NOT laughing at your pain, but yeah, all things she could have told you YESTERDAY!!! Geesh, and I thought mine was doing me ugly. An online dating site while married....all class Phineas....you are better off without her. Wow... Link to post Share on other sites
jayboy Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 The talented liars will make you feel bad for questioning them in the first place. If you find that you are consistently made to feel guilty for your suspicions, they are probably lying. A genuine person finds another way to show their truth. I would agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
lookin2wardthefuture Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I know how humiliating that is. Finding the charge, on our joint account mind you, to Yahoo Personals was my moment of discovrey. I felt like the emperor with no clothes and the biggest FOOL ever. Of course he denied, denied ,denied, but as another poster said it all comes out anyway. I though that was a low point, but then I found out about the prostitutes! See, just goes to show ya things can always get worse. Hang in there dude an stick to your guns. Link to post Share on other sites
ann09 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Ann, what made you a compulsive liar. You say you weren't one before. What event triggered this, or did it gradually happen over time? Insecurities. I was never insecure - then I had 3 kids and sort of lost myself. Very low self esteem. Started lying and fabricating who I was - lost myself even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts