onewillburn Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I think I had mentioned a few times on here that I had never made it past 30 days of no contact. I'm kind of proud to say that as of yesterday, that's no longer the case. I feel absolutely great and have a much better outlook at this time than I did when I first started coming here. My life is really picking up and getting back on track, but more importantly, my self-esteem is finally coming back up. Part of the success of getting my self-esteem back up had a lot to do with coming to terms with my loneliness. I've been using my time alone to improve myself, through copious amounts of reading (books, blogs, magazines), watching a lot of really interesting films and documentaries, teaching myself how to play classical guitar, getting in good shape, etc. These things are sometimes a struggle, but I never regret doing them like I would if I didn't do them. I don't want to give the false impression that things are magically all better now, because mornings can still be rough and there are obviously still "down" days that kind of magnify all of the negatives in my life. But it was nice to look in the mirror this morning and see a handsome young man, rather than an ugly, miserable *******. I happened to go out last night for the first time in a while and it was nice how people actually had missed me and enjoyed my company. I think when you go through a rough break up, like a lot of us have, the more time alone we spend dwelling on the misery, the more we internalize it and we begin to see these ugly, worthless creatures in the mirror. And we begin to think that nobody likes us, or that we've been doing everything wrong, that it's all our fault, etc. You forget that you're not seeing things clearly, because you're really hurt. Your judgment is impaired. With all of this said, there is a chance I will run into my ex tonight. I have tickets to this show I've been waiting to go to forever, and she mentioned how she might go the last time we spoke. Personally, I can't talk to her or acknowledge her at this point. It has to be this way for me. I'm not going to play nice and talk to her, only to later sit at home and analyze the way she said "hi" to me over and over again in my head. I'm not at that point yet, and I'm not going to pretend I'm at that point. It might come off as cold or immature, but it's what I have to do. Does anybody have any advice on this situation, should it arise? Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I don't want to give the false impression that things are magically all better now, because mornings can still be rough and there are obviously still "down" days that kind of magnify all of the negatives in my life. ...... And we begin to think that nobody likes us, or that we've been doing everything wrong, that it's all our fault, etc. You forget that you're not seeing things clearly, because you're really hurt. Your judgment is impaired. This is, by far, the hardest thing I have had to deal with... Still cant believe that after 5 months, that I'm still dealing with it... Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 This is, by far, the hardest thing I have had to deal with... Still cant believe that after 5 months, that I'm still dealing with it... Me too. Bit less time but still... As for the meet, I would do the same as you. I pick my kids up from my ex and literally say nothing to her, don't look at her or acknowledge her existence. It's immature but it just upsets me to see her so... Link to post Share on other sites
ditched Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I went through the same sort of situation. I had tickets to see a band that is one of my all time faves. Unfortunately, they are one of her faves also. I had hoped she wouldn't show up as they played in her city the night before, and i decided not to go (we live about 1 hr away from each other). I went to the show in my town, knowing i was going to see her and effed it all up royally. First of all she showed up with some awful dude, so as soon as i noticed that, my emotions started to tweek. I walked up to her and said hi, and that she looked nice, just like i was practicing for the weeks leading up to it, then i just went and hung out with my friends. unfortunately, as the night went on and shots were downed, i wound up texting her and telling her that i miss her and that she is still so beautiful. Naturally, no response. After the show she walked past me without even looking at me and left hand in hand with this d-bag. and this literally sent me back to day ONE of my healing after two months of NC. it was like i was just dumped all over again. and actually might have felt worse than when i was just dumped. because in the months since i had seen her, i made it a point to loose some weight and just kinda generate a positive vibe. but i caved after seeing her. actually i'm still reeling just talking about it again. ugh. i really loved the band i went to see and thought "I'm not gonna let her possible attendance keep me from seeing a band i love". but now, after the fact, i wish i hadn't gone. the band will be back around the next year and hopefully i'll be over her by then. so take that as you will, this was just my experience. BUT if you do go, stay strong, make sure you look happy and at ease, and you should probably stay away from alcohol to help keep you from doing something impulsive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onewillburn Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Well, this specific show is by a band that just got back together to do a select number of shows and then they're gonna go away forever. I've been waiting a long time for this, so I'm not gonna pass it up. The show is sold out, so it'll be packed. And I'm also sure that it'll be plenty dark inside the venue. There's a good chance I won't even see her even if she's there. I'm not going to drink, and I certainly am not at the point where I'd get all weepy if she was with another guy. I don't care. This night is for me. I'm not gonna let anything like that bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 and actually might have felt worse than when i was just dumped. because in the months since i had seen her, i made it a point to loose some weight and just kinda generate a positive vibe. but i caved after seeing her. actually i'm still reeling just talking about it again. ugh. Did the same thing(s). Still hate myself for them. It is one thing to lose the ex, its another to lose respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onewillburn Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Went to the show. It was amazing. Didn't see or even think about her. It was just...so incredible. I'm glad I went, I had a great time. Link to post Share on other sites
amtz Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Went to the show. It was amazing. Didn't see or even think about her. It was just...so incredible. I'm glad I went, I had a great time. CONGRATS BRO!!! Couldn't be happier for you Remember keep up the good work someone better will come to you in no time with your positive attitude:) Will pray for you Link to post Share on other sites
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