torranceshipman Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I have this issue where my parents (fairly arty types) are not keen on helping or supporting me when I ask them (which is extremely rarely as I know what response I'm likely to get!-although they are v.rich and could easily help me financially if the wanted). They are also uber sensitive and can get quite neurotic so I can't ever criticize them or have a major (but adult) disagreement about somethng as they'd take it as a personal attack. Luckily I don't need to feel their approval or anything to validate how I feel about myself or any of my choices, and I am a believer in shrugging things off and not letting it get me down. I also maintain an on the surface happy relationship with them , basically to keep them happy and not be petty. but today, for example, yet another rude comment. Urgh, just venting really! Does anyone else have a family like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I have this issue where my parents (fairly arty types) are not keen on helping or supporting me when I ask them (which is extremely rarely as I know what response I'm likely to get!-although they are v.rich and could easily help me financially if the wanted). How old are you, and what sort of financial support do you ask them for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hey SG, I haven't asked them for financial help for many years (I'm 34 so way too old for parental assistance!) - it was just one example, & the most obvious one that usually confounds people (people who have known me years express great surprise when they see my family home & realize how wealthy my folks are, as I have always worked multiple jobs, lived in hostels, etc to make ends meet-now of course, all the hard work paid off & I have a great career and nice apartment, so no more hard times). It's all kinds of support really...home was a miserable place for me and I still find the little put downs etc, exhausting...urgh...just need a vent really! Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 not keen on helping or supporting me when I ask them (which is extremely rarely I can't ever criticize them or have a major (but adult) disagreement about somethng as they'd take it as a personal attack. Are you their only child?- if they have other children - do they treat the children differently? Do they ever come to visit you? Which parent is the dominant one? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Hugs. The way they're doing it with you doesn't sound terribly encouraging or uplifting. I get that you're venting so really no need to read any further -- amounts to an unasked-for opinion, is all it is. I am assuming that you limit your contact with them as far as possible, in any event (?) so I can't ever criticize them or have a major (but adult) disagreement about somethng as they'd take it as a personal attack. ... and I am a believer in shrugging things off and not letting it get me down. I also maintain an on the surface happy relationship with them , basically to keep them happy and not be petty. Standing up, and speaking out for your Self is NOT "petty" by a long shot. We end up feeling unprotected and unsupported (unsafe, vulnerable) when we do not protect our own Self, or support/advocate for our own needs, opinions, etc. Even if you do choose to continue those (highlighted) dynamics with your parents because it is "easier" for you than trying to change it, I'd suggest that it is still worth making sure that you do not do the same in your work, personal and, especially, romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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