Recently found out financee lied/unfaithful

[jerseyboy]

Sucks bro

 

And after reading your first post there was doubt. But when you wrote later she wouldnt kiss you during this time it was pretty clear she had. Not all by a longshot, but thats how many of them deal with it. And since it wasnt just she was pissed at you about something, and admittedly thats when she was with him....well, what can you do

[Chaosphynx]

Sucks bro

 

And after reading your first post there was doubt. But when you wrote later she wouldnt kiss you during this time it was pretty clear she had. Not all by a longshot, but thats how many of them deal with it. And since it wasnt just she was pissed at you about something, and admittedly thats when she was with him....well, what can you do

 

 

She would kiss me during this time, even 15 minutes before hand becasue she actually cheated at work (she works at restaurant). When she wouldnt kiss me is when we first started hanging out and she was still invovled with him, then when she told him it was over, it was all gravy until now...and apparently then even though she didnt act it at all.

[Ody]

I feel that I'm already 27 and that I wont find someone that I think is as attractive (physically) I used to think she was mentally attractive as well, that is scarred but even typing this makes me feel like I would miss her terribly. I honestly havent even considered another woman attractive in that way for so long

 

You've got plenty of gas left in the tank. I had a big breakup at 26, don't sweat it you'll find some cuties and eventually ones you like too.

[jerseyboy]

Btw bro you have to do whats right for you.

 

Im not of the opinion that every time someone cheats, you must by definition end it with them.

 

I mean I would, but that doesnt mean you have to do so.

 

But I know me, I wouldnt cope well. I would maintain bitterness and distrust towards her even if I forgave her.

 

And I dont see any point in being with someone when the relationship becomes about me worrying where they are. if theyll do it again blah blah blah.

 

I did it one time, dont really want to repeat the experience. And it was I suppsoe easier in the sense that there were other issues, it all transpred over two days total, and frankly the guy was a nothing.

 

But keep this in mind. However remorseful you are going to want her to feel, it isnt going to happen. She isnt feeling what you are feeling. As much as you want her to suffer the slings and arrows gleefully, she isnt going to, and if you are going to stay with her you need to be able to cope and move on.

 

Whats really going to piss you off is when she becomes jealous because now you cant be trusted because of what she did. In her mind you are now unreliable because youll need to hurt her back etc, even if it isnt actually the case.And that further stresses the relationship

 

Finally bro it wasnt an accident. It happened for reasons. Perhaps obvious ones, perhaps not. I guess what Im trying to say is how much do yoiu know this person, and can you really feel comfortable entering a marriage comitment with her. I hope at minimum its a long engagement for your sake

 

Good luck whatever you decide man.

[jerseyboy]

Yeah not sure where this 27 thing is coming from man. You sound like a chick.

 

Even 37 isnt that big a deal frankly. Youve got plenty of time

[Thebob]

you turned out to be absolutley right. i was going to the jewelry store to pick up her engagement ring (she has had it for quite awhile). We finally decided to get it engraved. When I picked it up, I still felt in my heart she wasnt telling me the whole truth. Your first post was right, completely right. I thought to myself, Im not going to give the ring back to her until she tells me the whole truth. When I picked her up from work, I did just that...and she got stressed out, and then really quiet. We sat at home for 3 hours and all she did was lay by me and didnt say a word. I went to class at 5pm, and when she picked me up...she was still dead quiet. We got home, and still the same and all she would do is lay by me and not look at me. After an hour, I sat up and said "I deserve to know the truth"...she looked at me said I love you so much...and then for the next 12 hours until the next morning I made her (although she was willing this time) to go through everything that had been making me upset for the last 4 months. And then she dropped the bomb, she claims the time period was right, but that she did cheat (sexually, physically) 10-12 times...know for the first time in months she actually acts upset and keeps saying "I dont wanna loose you" I havent given her ring back, and its only been 1 day, and I havent told her we are still together yet either. She freaked out last night when I wouldnt kiss her, and know we are at the current. I really dont know what to do or say, I love her yet, I still want her....but at the same time I feel like she doesnt deserve a second chance or my love. Especially since this took 4 months of pain and lies, and HER getting upset at me for questioning her or the relationship...the phrase "I've only had eyes for you" repeats over and over in my head. Somehow I knew it in my heart, and your post made sense....but part of me still had that blind trust. She knows she really damaged that know, and is saying she would do anything not to loose me and regain my trust and respect. Im at a complete loss at what to really do, what is right and what I want to do are two different things...

 

It still seems to me she isn't telling you everything. I feel again that she is saying stuff so she won't lose you, she is saying this stuff again cause she knows she f*cked up. You seems like a good guy and you don't deserve that. If you guys had such a loving relationship, and she loves you, then she wouldn't stay quiet and not talk about things with you. That is my honest opinion and take it for what it's worth. I'm sorry to hear this, looks like you invested a lot, but it seems to me that she isn't on the same level. Or it seems that now she understands what she did, but is to scared to admit that she is wrong and is staying quiet. She doesn't want to make things any worse by telling you. But if she loved you she definitely would tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I would give her a break and see if she can pull her head outta her A*ss and grow up. Hopefully everything works out man, sorry to hear this again.

 

Thebob

[jerseyboy]

It still seems to me she isn't telling you everything. I feel again that she is saying stuff so she won't lose you, she is saying this stuff again cause she knows she f*cked up. You seems like a good guy and you don't deserve that. If you guys had such a loving relationship, and she loves you, then she wouldn't stay quiet and not talk about things with you. That is my honest opinion and take it for what it's worth. I'm sorry to hear this, looks like you invested a lot, but it seems to me that she isn't on the same level. Or it seems that now she understands what she did, but is to scared to admit that she is wrong and is staying quiet. She doesn't want to make things any worse by telling you. But if she loved you she definitely would tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I would give her a break and see if she can pull her head outta her A*ss and grow up. Hopefully everything works out man, sorry to hear this again.

 

Thebob

 

 

Ehhh

 

I dont disagree that she isnt telling him anything. Id be shocked if she was. Its just unrealistic and not always malicious. There was certainly more to it than shell ever acknowledge, and who knows what else she has done.

 

But total honesty....... There are a lot of things we dont say to the olther person jsut because it would be needlessly hurtful, and often times make the relationship untenable.

 

I agree that she should be upfront about the affiar and what transpired etc. Does he need to know every detail about what we nt on? I dont know

[PrettyinInk]

Just ask yourself one question: do you trust her?

 

If the answer is no, then you need to move on; a relationship cannot survive without trust, and it is something that does not return easily.

[Thebob]

Just ask yourself one question: do you trust her?

 

If the answer is no, then you need to move on; a relationship cannot survive without trust, and it is something that does not return easily.

 

exactly, look at this quote thoroughly man.

 

Thebob

[stillafool]

It would bother me that she said she liked the attention from the other guy. I could understand this if she didn't already have a finance who is giving her attention and to be honest she sounds like an attention whore. What will happen later on when you are married and she needs attention from other men. She should have put that guy in his place a long time ago when he was acting inappropriately with her but she chose not to. She isn't a strong woman and I don't think you can ever truly trust her. She hasn't told you everything and at this point you know enough.

[Chaosphynx]

Hey guys, I wish you all werent so right....this story has another bombshell now...we just found out today...she is pregnant. Im gonna loose my mind, more than it already is. I have no idea, now I feel more compelled to give her the chance, she has tried to talk to me and says that she doesnt want to be that person ever again, she looks like she feels terrible...but I dont know what she is really willing to do...this sucks....unbelievable:eek:

[stillafool]

Who's baby is it?

[Chaosphynx]

She claims she never had sex with anyone, just fooled around with him....pretty much everything but that. And she says nothing happened since end of June or beginning of July....plus she had her period last month on Oct. 10th. So as long as she isnt a complete lying slut and it was only 1 person wiht no sex....i would guess its mine

[Thebob]

Blood test or it didn't happen..

 

Thebob

[stillafool]

She claims she never had sex with anyone, just fooled around with him....pretty much everything but that. And she says nothing happened since end of June or beginning of July....plus she had her period last month on Oct. 10th. So as long as she isnt a complete lying slut and it was only 1 person wiht no sex....i would guess its mine

 

AHHHHHHHHHHH! A little baby.

[Chaosphynx]

Now Im completely stuck, I still cant bring myself to do it, even though I want to more so now (make her leave), she for sure is pregnant....if we do split up this will be the second child I have with different moms that Im not with. This is gut wrenching, I always thought the next time would be with who Id spend the rest of my life with, the last 3 days seems like an eternity, there just isnt a best descision...but you are all right so far, I find myself getting really bitter at her

[McGrupp]

http://www.theoccidentalquarterly.com/archives/vol7no2/v7no2_Devlin.pdf

 

lay down an ultimatum, brah. read that i jacked it from the divorce board.

 

only 2 guys who kept their gals layed down the law

[Chaosphynx]

Wow, that sucks....some of those things in the first few pages describe her perfectly. This is the absolute worst week ever.

[McGrupp]

it sucks dude. im going through some ****, and i recall when my ex cheated on me and how it felt.

 

maybe the worst feeling in the world?

 

just dont be those guys in the pdf that get screwed financially...

[Miad's Princess]

How do you know she is pregnant are you 100% sure??

 

She may just be saying it to trap you into staying with her, then change her story. Be sure this isn't a sick tactic from her.

[almostpassedit]

dude

#1), She fawked him, trust me. He put his cock inside of your goods.

 

If you can accept the fact that she was letting someone else fawk her while you were over there kissing her and planning to marry her, then by all means go believe whatever she tells you.

 

#2) Your girlfriend is a whore.

 

#3) She will do it again.

 

#4) Do you not realize that your relationship is OVER?

 

#5) I was like you, your so blinded right now, you can't even see the truth. You even feel bad for taking back your engagement ring because your girlfriend gave a blow job to someone else? Had his balls in her mouth... Let him do everything beside have sex... Is anal considered sex?

 

#6) You are blind, your girlfriend is a whore, if thats cool with you then its cool with me. Just don't run from the truth... Know in your head that whenever your away from her or those time's she comes home late, your going to wonder where she was and who was inside of her.

 

#7) she isn't going to care because she knows you will never leave her.

 

#7) Its over for you

 

#8) I repeat, its Over for you.

 

#9) She will do it again, but thats not all.. She'll become a pro at hiding it... You won't even know. She already showed you her true colors. Be happy.

 

#10) My ex was the same, I speak from experience. When I went away, she had sex with her ex boyfriend. The reason I know is because when I came back, I went inside of her, it felt nasty. It didn't feel the same.

 

I ignored it, I thought she wanted to be with me, she didn't know what she wanted. Turns out while she was fawking her ex boyfriend, she was a busy bee. She went on 2 dates.

 

Turns out she thought one of the guys was sexy, she eventually fawked him. She would come how and cry "Why are you so nice to me", I never understood... Now looking back at it.. Her going into another room talking on the phone... crying all the time calling herself a whore, acting funny... acting confused... staying away.. only coming for money..... it all makes sense... eitherway friend, your going to go through what i've went though and a whole lot worse... I pitty you.

 

 

. Have you seen that movie "Drunken day in Vegas".. something like that when that one guy had this girlfriend who cheated on him when she went on a cruize and the boyfriend would say something like "It was only one time and he didn't even cum in her"

 

Your that dude now, making excuses for a slut bag. Good Luck

 

in closing, sluts come in all ages, shapes, sizes, races, colors, i'm sorry you got a rotten apple, it happens sometimes... throw it away now before it starts to make you sick

Edited November 21, 2009 by almostpassedit

[health]

dude

#1), She fawked him, trust me. He put his cock inside of your goods.

 

If you can accept the fact that she was letting someone else fawk her while you were over there kissing her and planning to marry her, then by all means go believe whatever she tells you.

 

#2) Your girlfriend is a whore.

 

#3) She will do it again.

 

#4) Do you not realize that your relationship is OVER?

 

#5) I was like you, your so blinded right now, you can't even see the truth. You even feel bad for taking back your engagement ring because your girlfriend gave a blow job to someone else? Had his balls in her mouth... Let him do everything beside have sex... Is anal considered sex?

 

#6) You are blind, your girlfriend is a whore, if thats cool with you then its cool with me. Just don't run from the truth... Know in your head that whenever your away from her or those time's she comes home late, your going to wonder where she was and who was inside of her.

 

#7) she isn't going to care because she knows you will never leave her.

 

#7) Its over for you

 

#8) I repeat, its Over for you.

 

#9) She will do it again, but thats not all.. She'll become a pro at hiding it... You won't even know. She already showed you her true colors. Be happy.

 

#10) My ex was the same, I speak from experience. When I went away, she had sex with her ex boyfriend. The reason I know is because when I came back, I went inside of her, it felt nasty. It didn't feel the same.

 

I ignored it, I thought she wanted to be with me, she didn't know what she wanted. Turns out while she was fawking her ex boyfriend, she was a busy bee. She went on 2 dates.

 

Turns out she thought one of the guys was sexy, she eventually fawked him. She would come how and cry "Why are you so nice to me", I never understood... Now looking back at it.. Her going into another room talking on the phone... crying all the time calling herself a whore, acting funny... acting confused... staying away.. only coming for money..... it all makes sense... eitherway friend, your going to go through what i've went though and a whole lot worse... I pitty you.

 

 

. Have you seen that movie "Drunken day in Vegas".. something like that when that one guy had this girlfriend who cheated on him when she went on a cruize and the boyfriend would say something like "It was only one time and he didn't even cum in her"

 

Your that dude now, making excuses for a slut bag. Good Luck

 

in closing, sluts come in all ages, shapes, sizes, races, colors, i'm sorry you got a rotten apple, it happens sometimes... throw it away now before it starts to make you sick

 

I read what you said. That's harsh. I know that happened to you, but honestly you seem like you're still carrying alot of anger and your still angry at your ex. I know you're prolly just trying to lay it on so this guy will accept it. Alot of what you said is projecting what happened to you to him. I know your well meaning. I don't mean to diss you or anything. I hope you do your thing, but be good when giving advice. Ya some girls are like that but not all, and not even all slutty chicks are like that. Watch generalizations.

[McGrupp]

trust your gut, dont get emotional, become indifferent, move on.

 

also the line in the PDF that struck me was:

 

"...the author doesnt mention (in 72 cases) a single case where the adulterous wife returned to her husband unreservedly and sincerely"

Edited November 21, 2009 by McGrupp

[health]

trust your gut, dont get emotional, become indifferent, move on.

 

also the line in the PDF that struck me was:

 

"...the author doesnt mention (in 72 cases) a single case where the adulterous wife returned to her husband unreservedly and sincerely"

 

What's this pdf you keep referring too? These "proffesionals" with research arn't the truth. There's a lot of generalizations. If you believe all women cheat, you will find the evidence to support your belief.

[Chaosphynx]

How do you know she is pregnant are you 100% sure??

 

She may just be saying it to trap you into staying with her, then change her story. Be sure this isn't a sick tactic from her.

 

I saw the p-test with my own eyes, she is....plus she's been getting sick throughout the day...I feel like every minute is an hour, a slow agonizing wait for more agony, I cant take this anymore