djtmalta Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I initated no contact with my EX on Oct. 31st. Told her that I needed to heal and that further contact would only hold me back. Told her she is a great person and wish her the best. Since then, I get 2 text messages. One telling me that her aunt thought I was a great and nice man. And the other text was her asking me how I was doing. I ignored both text messages. Well, just today my EX is trying to add me to her facebook account. I really wanted to accept it but if we are not getting back together it would simply hurt me to much. I ignored her request. My question is, why is she trying to add me to facebook and texting me that her aunt thinks I'm a great guy? I know this is far fetched, but could this be her way to try and reconcile? Thanks D Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 She could miss talking to you a lil bit, but mostly she is trying to get you to jump at the opportunity to talk to her, She is trying to say things to see if you will buckle, to feed her ego. Dont answer, if she really wanted to get back together, she will make a real attempt in person, she wont do it in text talking about her aunt. Youre doing a good job by ignoring her, keep it up, dont add her on FB, she wants to see what youre up to...she wants to see your updates, she wants to see if you moved on without her. It is probably killing her that she cant see whats going on with you on FB. Make her suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Man this so painful, I can't stand it anymore. Thanks for your advice. D Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Man this so painful, I can't stand it anymore. Thanks for your advice. D I feel your pain brotha, I been there...recently. Youre doing MUCH better than I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks Boogieboy... I'm sorry you have been in pain as well. How am I doing much better than you did, just curious? D Link to post Share on other sites
lilbelle Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 so wait a second, you tell her to not contact you and she still does? man, i'm sorry but my take is that this girl is not respecting your wishes. My ex told me to leave him alone and that's what I'm doing. Don't think I haven't thought about it, cause I have. I miss him to pieces, but if he wants nc then I will abide, plus it has helped me move on as well. Anyway, she needs to understand this point. When you truly love someone you must respect their feelings even if you don't like them. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks Boogieboy... I'm sorry you have been in pain as well. How am I doing much better than you did, just curious? D I didnt have Loveshack when my ex dumped me, so I hung on to her using me for an ego boost for while before i cut her off, which screwed me up. You are initiating NC much quicker than I did. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I didnt have Loveshack when my ex dumped me, so I hung on to her using me for an ego boost for while before i cut her off, which screwed me up. You are initiating NC much quicker than I did. Did she try to contact you after you did? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Did she try to contact you after you did? By the time I finally cut her off, she has used me to get over me and was pretty well done with me. So she tried to lamely text me twice after I ignored her, but I guess by then she didnt need the ego boost anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Did she try to contact you after you did? SHe tried twice, but gave uop after that. SHe was well over me by then. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 By the time I finally cut her off, she has used me to get over me and was pretty well done with me. So she tried to lamely text me twice after I ignored her, but I guess by then she didnt need the ego boost anymore. Very similar situations... She actually blew me off when I was in town for another guy... Hurt like nothing I have ever felt... A week later she IM'd me, "Im so sorry, I should never have done that to you." yada yada... The only reason I agreed to see her after that was I had worked so hard to get into shape (lost 23 lbs.), new clothes, new look. While I know that should have been for myself (and now is), I could not deny that having her see the effort was my primary motivation... Seeing someone you loved, and you thought loved you, do such ****ty things after the breakup is the worst form of torture. It is often self induced, however, as we have a choice to take it. NC is indeed true acute pain at times but nothing compared to the 'cast and reel' variety the ex dishes out without remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I just got a friend request from an old ex. I wouldn't mind so much but he doesn't really even have a profile set up yet and so far all his friends are ex girlfriends. Creepy! Denied! Link to post Share on other sites
ann09 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 She misses you. She's hurting. And I know everyone is all on board with this NC thing. But it's awful when a text goes unanswered. Being ignored is painful. Not siding with her - just knowing how she feels. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 She misses you. She's hurting. And I know everyone is all on board with this NC thing. But it's awful when a text goes unanswered. Being ignored is painful. Not siding with her - just knowing how she feels. Unanswered texts hurt far less than unreturned love. You really shouldnt expect someone to respond to your texts when you know you broke thier heart. I agree, it sucks, and it doesnt feel good when your texts goes unreturned, but given the circumstances, its completely understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
xxDayamGirlxx Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 the thing wit all this nc bull**** is it makes it hard to get back together wit someone. obviously thats wat u want n shes trying - i think u should send an email n say do u wanna meet for coffeee- dont add her n let her say she wants u back if she does.... i wish i was in ur position!! ur lucky!!! i was.... but if u keep doin nc after a while they just give up- its only natural. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Unanswered texts hurt far less than unreturned love. You really shouldnt expect someone to respond to your texts when you know you broke thier heart. I agree, it sucks, and it doesnt feel good when your texts goes unreturned, but given the circumstances, its completely understandable. I agree and to add to it: It actually makes me mad that after dumping me and treating me badly an ex would have the gull to think that it's OK to contact me and that I owe them a reply, or any common decency for that matter. It's narcissistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I don't think she is trying to get back with me. I have already asked her to seek couseling with me and she said, "Sorry, but no." So why should I allow her to have her cake and eat it to by texting me when she feels like it and spying on my facebook account? However, I do get concerned sometimes that maybe she is really trying to reconcile and I'm just ignoring it. I doubt it so thats why I don't act on it. I secretly enjoy it when she text messages me or tries to add me to facebook. I am just really confused and would do anything to get back with her at this point. But I will not be "just friends", screw that sh*t. anyway more advice? D Link to post Share on other sites
RogueAngel19 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Good thing you ignored her. If you think its not worth it then don't even bother subjecting yourself to another failed relationship with her because it won't change anything but make you miserable. Cut her lose and find a girl who is worth it and not so clingy. i think the aunt bit is a bit pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 I want to be with her really badly, but she has told me on 2 seperate occasions that she doesnt want to try to work it out again. Mind you, I am the one who broke our engament off because to much fighting. After a month of thinking about what we had, I thought that I loved her to much and could not stop thinking about her and wanted to get counseling and work it out. Well, she told me she had done a lot of thinking and realized that we wanted different things in life and what not. I told her then that I felt lost without her and wanted couseling and try to work on us. She said she was sorry but was not interested. I have been off work because of this now for some time now. I went through major depression and anxiety. I need to heal and move on but it just seems like it's not happening. I am in therapy and taking medication and that helps a little but I still think of her all day long. What does she want from me? Why texting me? Why trying to add me on facebook? I know I got some answers already and I thank you guys and gals for helping me out, but I still am so confused and hurt. One of my friends said that by her texting me and trying to add me on facebook, that could be her way of reaching out?!?! I'm so confused on what to do. D Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 So she JUST text messaged me again. She said "It's lonely here at work without you. I hope you are doing ok" (we worked together before the DR. put me off on disability due to stress) I'm torn... But I will still not break contact. If she really wants me back than she has to do more then text messages. D Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Ok, now she just left me a voicemail because I woiuldnt pick up the phone. This time she said, "It's me, M____ I know you told me not to contact you but it's hard to forget about you even though I try. So I wanted to call and say hi and see how your doing, yeah, I was thinking of you and lots of memories. I hope you and your family are doing well and will talk to you soon, I hope." What to do next? Please, any advice? I would love to get back with her but don't want to call and get rejected. Do I still stay NC? D Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) Ok, now she just left me a voicemail because I woiuldnt pick up the phone. This time she said, "It's me, M____ I know you told me not to contact you but it's hard to forget about you even though I try. So I wanted to call and say hi and see how your doing, yeah, I was thinking of you and lots of memories. I hope you and your family are doing well and will talk to you soon, I hope." What to do next? Please, any advice? I would love to get back with her but don't want to call and get rejected. Do I still stay NC? D Do NOT answer her until she CALLS and says she wants to try again. She is just venting to you, doesnt mean she wants you back. Ignoring her will torture her, but even if she wants to try again, you might end up doing it all over again if you cant get along. Think about that. In the meantime, dont let her win you back with the little effort of text messages. Let her come at you in person, or at least call. YOu will have to stick it out for months, but you will be clearer headed then and understand all the reasons she wasnt right for you. You two fight from incompatibility, or whatever reason, theres no reason to get sucked back in. Keep posting here instead of answering her if you have to. Edited November 19, 2009 by boogieboy Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 The thing about waiting until she text or calls and says she want's to "get back together" is trouble also, personally and viewing loveshack for the last 5 years, I've seen ex's so dependant upon attention, so jealous, that they will do anything to get you to possibly talk to them again. For example, I've seen ex's say "I want to try again but take it slowly" so you begin to talk to her again, and maybe in 2 weeks or such she goes back to "I think we should stay friends" "I tried but I can't" people have to understand that NC will make ex's do the most craziest thing, so therefore 50% of the time when the ex says they do wanna try again, you really can't believe that, enter at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djtmalta Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Do NOT answer her until she CALLS and says she wants to try again. . She did call but I didn't answer the phone. So if I keep not answering the phone how will I ever know if she wants to get back together? ps thanks to everyone for your help. I am really listening to your advice. D Link to post Share on other sites
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