My FriendZone Hell (Long)

[mzp1]

I just thought I'd post about my friendzone experience and my attempts to escape it. Once in the zone I tried pretty hard to get out and my story might have lessons for others in a similar situation.

 

I met P when we started 6th form, we were 16 at the time. Our gang consisted of about 10 boys and the one girl (P). B (an 'alphamale') was at the top and I at the bottom of our social group. I got bullied relentlessly. But P liked me alot as a friend and we seemed to hit it off. This was probably cos I studied and got good grades, didnt smoke and maybe she felt sorry for me.

 

Anyhow, everything was ticking along until I found out B and P were seeing each other. That's when I got jealous and realized I wanted P for mysel. Seeing B and P together for the next few months were really hard especially considering B had his girlfriend at the other college. P could only be his other woman. (B was Muslim and P Hindu, the reason B gave P for not breaking up with his girlfriend was that he didnt want to leave his Muslim girlfriend who he expected to marry for a Hindu who he could not. A bit silly as he never married that girl anyway). Respect to B though for having the skill to string both along, even though I dont agree with it. 3 months later B moved and P became single again.

 

One by one 5 guys in our gang asked P out and all got rejected. I didnt dare make a move but I'm pretty sure she knew I liked her too. We continued to get along very well despite my overall awkwardness and lack of status. Through the ages of 16-18 we saw each other every day as we were in the same gang at 6th form. After we finished 6th Form and before going to University I told her how I felt.

 

She rejected me too. She told me she only saw me as a friend. She said we didnt want to do the Hindu-Muslim thing again. She said we dont even talk on the phone.

 

So I started talking to her on the phone. From the ages of 18-21 we would talk on the phone every few months or so. We were already very good friends and we were getting closer all the time.

 

But I was still a loser to her or atleast she liked to keep me believing that. During these years she had real power over me and boy did I feed her ego. I didnt know about any of this Friendzone business at the time so I thought the nicer I am the more chance I'll have. How naive I was! She used to put me down all the time in a sort of "I know you like me, and you're a cool guy, but you're a loser. Cos we're friends I can say this to you, dont worry about it" way. She was f***ing with my head big time. She would say things like "Havent you got a girlfriend yet?". I was just so typically someone in the friendzone. It was'nt even funny what that did to my ego.

 

Aged 21 I bought myself a nice VW Golf and went up to Manchester to do an MSc. Two very confident and positive moves that I'm sure she noticed. While at Manchester, away from everything, family, peers, routine and I loosened up big time and stopped giving a ****. I tried to call her one evening and she didnt answer. A few days later on a bus I got a missed call from her. In the 5 years I had known her to that point, she had never returned any of my calls.

 

On returning to London I decided that I wanted to meet up with her and that I would ask her to meet up one-on-one, but as friends. I texted her to ask. She never replied. Six weeks later it was NYE 2007. One of my friends was going with a bunch of girls to a club and I went along. I sensed early on that one of the girls wanted to hook up with me, so I thought I'd let it progress with the evening. Later on my friend told me P was in the club somewhere. I though f*** it I wont go talk to her. But at some point we crossed paths in the club. I didnt want to make lame small talk with her but didnt know what to do. I was still pissed that P ignored my message. She said "Who are you here with? " I said "Arfan". But she could'nt hear so she pointed to her ear. I leaned in, said "Arfan" and walked away without looking back.

 

She knew how to get me back. She would make me jealous. She found some guy and started talking and flirting with him. She took him to the raised VIP section where they could stand and be seen by all, including me. I still had the girl who wanted to hook up. So I waited a while then started to escalate things with her. But my friend found out and stopped us, incidentally he wanted her for himself. After some emotional blackmail the girl and I were free to do as we pleased. The tension had been building up for me all night, so when I got her to a nice spot I made out with her like never before. I'm sure P saw it all.

 

After a while it all quitened down. I was standing, smoking, on the route to the doors. I saw P and her friends coming towards me. "You going home ?" I said when she approached. Surprised to see me there, she replied "Yeah". Then neither one of us knew what to say. We stood in silence for a while, looking at each other. I didnt know how else to break the deadlock, so I simply nodded. As she took her first step to walk away I saw her hand was outstretched. Then awkwardly brought down to her side as she continued to walk away. I would never have tried to guess whether seeing me with someone else affected P. But the manner in which she lost her composure said it all.

 

(I'm a bit tired now and will head off to bed. Post a reply if you want the rest of this story and the ending. Any comments welcome.)