Well I've Done It

[justforfun]

Here goes.

 

Despite all my postings to that I wouldn't do this. I've done it.

 

I've started a sexual relationship with a MM. I don't have any qualms about it and it is definitely 'just for fun.' I have no intention to get involved with him. He's around 15 years younger than me.

 

I'm not the first for him and I won't be the last. I think the only thing I may have to deal with is when the excitement wears off and he isn't interested in coming to my house as he is now. But really, that's a small price to pay. And he's not the only person I am sleeping with.

 

I don't feel triumphant. I don't feel I need to be judged. I can unequivocally say that it didn't 'just happen.' It's a conscious decision on my part and his.

 

I'm curious to know if anyone has any ideas as to why I feel so liberated by this?

[StalledGirl]

I'm not sure I believe you as a truly liberated person wouldn't already be worrying about what will happen when it ends and saying "it's a small price to pay" . They would just be enjoying it for what it is - a fling.

I'm not judging you , I just feel confused by what you are saying.

[learnfrommymistakes]

I'm not sure I believe you as a truly liberated person wouldn't already be worrying about what will happen when it ends and saying "it's a small price to pay" . They would just be enjoying it for what it is - a fling.

I'm not judging you , I just feel confused by what you are saying.

 

 

Hi

I think I agree with Stalled in that I am not quite sure where you are coming from, going with your post.

 

Maybe the liberation comes in that he is younger and you feel like you STILL GOT IT, or got the attention of a younger man you find attractive.

 

Maybe you feel liberated because you think you wont feel emotions or fall for this man and you can just enjoy some casual fun and be in control??? I am not judging, but we may need more background to know how to answer your question.

 

Were you ever cheated on and this feels like a "gotcha"? Are you looking for validation or out outlet/escape from a different situation in your life?

 

Or do u crave the flirting, attention, sneaking...?

 

Does he shower you with compliments or heated pillow talk that helpps you indulge in a new or hidden side of you you are eager to get out and explore? I guess you might want to ask yourself some questions about why you feel how you do...but i am just throwing out food for thought.

 

Keep in mind, these things are not often as simple and light as you may think...

lfmm

[justforfun]

I'm not sure I believe you as a truly liberated person wouldn't already be worrying about what will happen when it ends and saying "it's a small price to pay" . They would just be enjoying it for what it is - a fling.

I'm not judging you , I just feel confused by what you are saying.

 

Hi SG

 

It was late last night and I was a bit reluctant to post. But I've been honest about everything else on here so...posted!

 

I need to think about what you said. And now it's early LOL.

 

I've been through a LOT of therapy and one of the tools I learned was to project. When deciding on an action to think it through to it's logical conclusion and if you are comfortable or accepting of that then it's probably okay with you to go ahead.

 

It wasn't actually for applying to relational situations. But I'm so used to doing it that I automatically went there.

 

I was looking to see the likely ending and whether I would be okay with that. And honestly, it's all great when it's exciting and you can't wait to meet up again. But when it wears off, if he's the one that pulls back and doesn't want to see me then I'm thinking that will likely be an 'ouch'.

 

But, if that's the worst of it then that is something that I can deal with. And, I'll admit. I'm always looking for the next potential bedroom partner. Although I do prefer the single ones!

 

Does that make a bit more sense?

[justforfun]

Hi

I think I agree with Stalled in that I am not quite sure where you are coming from, going with your post.

 

Maybe the liberation comes in that he is younger and you feel like you STILL GOT IT, or got the attention of a younger man you find attractive.

 

Maybe you feel liberated because you think you wont feel emotions or fall for this man and you can just enjoy some casual fun and be in control??? I am not judging, but we may need more background to know how to answer your question.

 

Were you ever cheated on and this feels like a "gotcha"? Are you looking for validation or out outlet/escape from a different situation in your life?

 

Or do u crave the flirting, attention, sneaking...?

 

Does he shower you with compliments or heated pillow talk that helpps you indulge in a new or hidden side of you you are eager to get out and explore? I guess you might want to ask yourself some questions about why you feel how you do...but i am just throwing out food for thought.

 

Keep in mind, these things are not often as simple and light as you may think...

lfmm

 

I think it must be a combination of those things. I think I've mentioned before that in the last nearly two years now, I have been on an incredible journey. I began with a lot of intensive therapy in Jan of last year. It sounds cheesy but it has been about finding my authentic self. I'd lived my life projecting an image that wasn't me and didn't even know it.

 

But, I'm not sure that that journey would have got me to this place.

 

I have been single, by choice, for all of that time and have only become sexually active again in the last couple of months.

 

I also, for a while, confused myself about what I wanted. Until I actually worked out that I wanted this type of relationship while keeping myself open-minded with regard to an exclusive relationship.

 

You're right. I do feel excited about having a younger man. I've known him for a year now so I know that we get along. We both have the same disgusting, devious sense of humor. We're both 'out there' sexually. All qualities make him a great bed companion but absolutely not a life partner.

 

I suppose I can be absolutely adamant about that since my marriage was to a much older man. I am absolutely convinced that the age difference eventually catches up with you. So, to me, his age is a turn off relationship wise. But, a turn-on in bed.

 

I like to flatter him. When I do I can see his confidence grow. He acts like he knows everything but underneath he needs reassurance. No more than anyone his age would. But that is a trip. Although I'm not using it to bring him down, which would be just as easy.

 

I do feel amazing that I am capable of this no commitment thing. I enjoy the flirting and the inappropriate chat. I'm excited by feeling that I am sexually consumed and dominated by this young guy. And he loves that too. And the stamina!

 

Do you think it's possible that it's because I'm getting other things from it.

[justforfun]

Just to add. There isn't any 'gotcha' about it on my part. Although I'm sure there is on his part. Before we slept together he would talk to me about his wife. They are very young they met when they were 15. He alluded to the fact that she cheated on him and hurt him first. He is also frustrated that she doesn't want to stay up late and go out and party. He's bored by her. It's as though their lives have become about completely different things. I did suggest possible reasons and at one point he said he was going to calm down and commit to his marriage but that didn't last long. Bearing in mind that all these conversations took place when we weren't sexual. So, on his part there is definitely a 'gotcha' about it.

 

But I am enjoying having ensnared him. I played with him for a long time, as I mentioned, about a year. He really didn't think he stood a chance. Now he is over the moon that I have 'given in'. His confidence has really grown and he feels like 'the man' and I like that.

 

Am I making sense at all?

 

ps Any input at all is welcome. Critical or not.

[Brokenlady]

He sounds a bit emotionally immmature. Is there a chance that he will get emotionally attached to you and make a mess of things in both your lives?

[justforfun]

He sounds a bit emotionally immmature. Is there a chance that he will get emotionally attached to you and make a mess of things in both your lives?

 

Thank you so much for getting back to me.

 

I went through a stage of thinking he may become emotionally attached. I think that he is aware that this is a possibility. He does certain things that indicate to me that he is trying to keep it non-committal. The first time we slept together he acted like he had a laundry list of sexual acts he wanted to get through. I know that he was so excited and had waited a long time for this. But it also felt like he was trying to stay detached. He didn't want to kiss much. Even said..'so you want a make out session'. Like 'making out' in bed somehow means you are getting attached. When he left he just ran out..no kiss nothing. It was like he was trying to run away.

 

He has also done things in the past that have indicated to me that he may be jealous in regard to me. But he also has this ego that doesn't allow him to be less than. He's got it to back it up. But he is insecure underneath it all.

 

I was also sleeping with someone else. Unbeknown to me they actually knew each other (the random set of circumstance is just to random to go into). He told the other guy about him and I knowing that the other guy would end it with me. Might be because he likes me or because it was damaging his ego having me sleep with someone else.

 

So, I can't work out whether he is trying to avoid emotional connections and that is how he has done that in the past. That he actually likes me and is scared of that. Or he is just acting like that because he doesn't want his ego to get damaged. All his behaviors could go either way.

 

I'm not too concerned about that though. I absolutely know he would never leave his wife. He has two small children who are his world and he would never ever consider breaking up the family unit. And he's been cheating on her for years so it's not like he hasn't maintained the family unit while being involved outside of the home.

 

If he does become emotionally attached then he is the kind of person that would just continue to see me and stay with his wife. I could also end it at that point. Move on, so to speak. Maybe I'll like it and stay. But I have no intention of making him exclusive so I will have other distractions

 

Do I sound like a b!tch? Am I making any sense?

 

p.s. for 'ego' also read 'territorial'.

[Boundary Problem]

So you meet at your house? Or traveling?

[justforfun]

So you meet at your house? Or traveling?

 

He comes over to my house. No traveling involved.

 

Confused by why you asked the question?

[Brokenlady]

He has also done things in the past that have indicated to me that he may be jealous in regard to me. But he also has this ego that doesn't allow him to be less than. He's got it to back it up. But he is insecure underneath it all.

 

I was also sleeping with someone else. Unbeknown to me they actually knew each other (the random set of circumstance is just to random to go into). He told the other guy about him and I knowing that the other guy would end it with me. Might be because he likes me or because it was damaging his ego having me sleep with someone else.

 

This sticks out to me. Like he's having some territorial pissing contest. It's ok for him to go home to his wife, but he wants you to be his conquest, and not to see anyone else. It makes me wonder what he'll do if you start seeing someone else. Does he know that you don't intend to be exclusive with him? I'd worry about what kind of behaviors he might engage in if he finds out the hard way.

 

It's one thing to say you both don't want emotional connections, "strings attached", but he's already showing you that maybe he can't handle that.

[Boundary Problem]

He comes over to my house. No traveling involved.

 

Confused by why you asked the question?

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes the OW/MM meet at hotel when one is traveling for work.

 

Sounds like MM is getting really attached to you. What are you going to do?

[justforfun]

This sticks out to me. Like he's having some territorial pissing contest. It's ok for him to go home to his wife, but he wants you to be his conquest, and not to see anyone else. It makes me wonder what he'll do if you start seeing someone else. Does he know that you don't intend to be exclusive with him? I'd worry about what kind of behaviors he might engage in if he finds out the hard way.

 

It's one thing to say you both don't want emotional connections, "strings attached", but he's already showing you that maybe he can't handle that.

 

Hahaha! You've hit the nail right on the head. I'm convinced, as much as I can be, that it is a territorial pissing contest! I also am a bit unsure of what he will do if I start seeing someone else. I think he'll sulk and start playing silly games. Like being unreliable about coming round as that's the only thing he has got that he can do.

 

The first night we slept together he was disgustingly late. I was still sleeping with the other guy at that point. Finally I texted him to say that if he didn't intend to come around that was fine but I was about to call someone else. He txtd straight back that he was on his way.

 

He said he hadn't called because he knew if he had I would probably have called someone else to come over (ie his friend). By not calling and me not knowing when he would turn up then he was able to do what he needed to do and still keep me waiting for him and not going with someone else.

 

He knows from this experience that I have no intention of being exclusive but at this point it is simply because I haven't got anyone else to sleep with since he's already gotten rid of the 'competition'.

 

You've really made sense of his behaviors. It's both isn't it. The pissing contest and him not being able to handle me being with anyone else. But not necessarily that he is emotionally attached.

 

You make so much sense.

 

You know, it's crazy, but I'm quite enjoying the silly games. I'd forgotten what it's like at that age. It's nice to observe all the nonsense without actually be in the middle of playing them. Ahh maturity! :laugh::laugh:

 

I'm so curious as to how this will play out. Sick huh?

[justforfun]

Sometimes the OW/MM meet at hotel when one is traveling for work.

 

Oh gotcha. No. I like him to come here. We live 20 mins away from each other. I enjoy having him over then having him leave. Makes me feel rather smug when I climb into my empty bed by myself knowing what I've just been doing. Gosh I sound terrible.

 

Sounds like MM is getting really attached to you. What are you going to do?

 

Nothing! LOL. Besides as Broken Lady said it's a pissing contest and he's being territorial rather than involved. But that's age appropriate for him eh?

[Brokenlady]

He said he hadn't called because he knew if he had I would probably have called someone else to come over (ie his friend). By not calling and me not knowing when he would turn up then he was able to do what he needed to do and still keep me waiting for him and not going with someone else.

 

OMG, what is he - 17 years old?

 

He knows from this experience that I have no intention of being exclusive but at this point it is simply because I haven't got anyone else to sleep with since he's already gotten rid of the 'competition'.

 

But if you haven't specifically told him you intend to not be exclusive he may just figure that you will be, for lack of any other choice right now. And again, that leads me to wonder what he'll do if he finds out otherwise. He thinks he's in control. And he's loving that, feeling like King Stud. His fragile little ego could well crumble and well...who knows.

 

You know, it's crazy, but I'm quite enjoying the silly games. I'd forgotten what it's like at that age. It's nice to observe all the nonsense without actually be in the middle of playing them. Ahh maturity! :laugh::laugh:

 

I'm so curious as to how this will play out. Sick huh?

 

Well, maybe you have just been bored long enough to want the soap opera to play out before you, but just be careful with this one. His issues about eliminating the competition could lead to some weird stalking behaviors.

 

And, what the hell is up with a "friendship" like that? Are they still friends?

Edited November 17, 2009 by Brokenlady

[JamieA]

JustForFun,

 

I'm around your age and find myself doing the same thing with younger men.

 

When I read your posts it's almost as if I'm looking in the mirror. I read your other post in the "General Relationships" and that is spot on how I feel in my life atm.

 

It's hard to deal w/ the jealousy because it makes me feel trapped in their emotions when I'm just in it for the fun. Even though they say they're in it for the fun I don't understand why they would be jealous?

 

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel.

[justforfun]

OMG, what is he - 17 years old?

 

LM'effinAO!!! :laugh::laugh:

 

25 but I can see how you could come to that conclusion :laugh:

 

 

 

But if you haven't specifically told him you intend to not be exclusive he may just figure that you will be, for lack of any other choice right now. And again, that leads me to wonder what he'll do if he finds out otherwise. He thinks he's in control. And he's loving that, feeling like King Stud. His fragile little ego could well crumble and well...who knows.

 

You're so right. King Stud..you're killing me LOLOL!!

 

But I'm guilty of pumping that fragile little ego. I would never put him down because that would be wrong on so many levels. But am enjoying the little power trip of building his ego up. Gosh, I am awful, huh? Does my honesty negate the awful??

 

 

 

Well, maybe you have just been bored long enough to want the soap opera to play out before you, but just be careful with this one. His issues about eliminating the competition could lead to some weird stalking behaviors.

 

Wow! You're spot on...boredom! That makes so much sense to me now. I couldn't work out why I was enjoying it. I have been mind numbingly bored for a long time I just didn't know. It was okay at the time but now I'm seeing how bored I was. In fact I have started exchanging conversation online with a guy who is my age but he lives six hours away. (Damn cute looking too). He and I have the most amazingly, intellectually stimulating conversations. That's exciting too but on a much deeper level. We're even thinking about me flying there and driving the six hours back to here together. The idea of having all that time to talk, just the two of us would be great. We've joked that by the end of it we'll either be best friends or married to each other! But that's another story.

 

And, what the hell is up with a "friendship" like that? Are they still friends?

 

LOLOL! You got me again! :laugh:

 

Well, he had told his friend about me before I even knew his friend. We work in the same field (I've never worked in this field before). He asked about a few people and it turned out he used to work with MM a few years ago. But didn't tell me any more than that. When I asked MM about him he gave the same story.

 

So obviously MM goes running over to him and tells him that I am the woman that he has been talking about. So I start sleeping with his friend before I sleep with him. But not knowing that they knew each other. And are in fact BEST friends. So, I'm thinking MM was all excited his friend had 'cracked it' when he had been trying for over a year and not thinking he was going to get anywhere. Conquer by proxy?

 

Then, I'm over at the other guys house and I was annoyed with him. He was asleep and MM called me. I didn't answer but I txtd back complaining about his friend. Then he said don't worry he'll be over in 10 minutes to cheer me up! And goddamnit if 10 mins later I was sitting at the table talking to him while his friend slept! That was the most bizarre night of my life I think. Well, maybe not but you get the idea.

 

After that he just kept saying that he didn't care if his friend was sleeping with me he just wanted to sleep with me too. But something about that didn't ring true.

 

Now, since he told his friend that I had started sleeping with him he's still trying to say that his friend doesn't care. That's not true because his friend dropped me like a hot brick when he found out. He's just not into that little game at all. And I do get it. Not sure if even I could go that far. Wellll, maybe ;) But anyway I didn't even have to consider it because it was out of my hands.

 

Now his friend isn't mad at him at all they are still friends. But I can't help thinking his friend is a little peeved that MM snuck in there. But he's not bothered enough to fall out with him. And not interested in me beyond the bedroom enough to care.

 

OMGosh...this is such a stupid drama I'm laughing while I write this. It's just a soap opera. I'm truly just in it for the sex and the amusement. It's not the attention. It's the being able to stand back and watch all the scurrying around. The liberating part is that I'm old enough not to play these games anymore but I've got ringside seat.

 

Please don't tell me I sound immature :laugh::laugh::o

[justforfun]

Thanks JamiA. I really appreciate your response.

 

The way I feel is confusing somewhat but the situation is amusing...a lot!

 

I'm curious about when you say trapped in their emotions? Part of me does think that I shouldn't tell him if I am sleeping with someone else. Just because everyone does have feelings and I wouldn't want to deliberately hurt his or anyone else's. I don't think I would be to bothered if he tols me he was but that's more because I want to keep things as they are...femme fatale..vixen...seduced by younger man...who is also a fly in my web...oh the drama!!

 

 

JustForFun,

 

I'm around your age and find myself doing the same thing with younger men.

 

When I read your posts it's almost as if I'm looking in the mirror. I read your other post in the "General Relationships" and that is spot on how I feel in my life atm.

 

It's hard to deal w/ the jealousy because it makes me feel trapped in their emotions when I'm just in it for the fun. Even though they say they're in it for the fun I don't understand why they would be jealous?

 

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel.

Edited November 17, 2009 by justforfun

[Brokenlady]

Please don't tell me I sound immature :laugh::laugh::o

 

No, I'm guessing that you haven't felt like you've had much control in your life overall, so it feels good to finally have some, and the confidence to walk away when it gets too messy.

 

I don't think you're under any obligation to tell him the specifics of when you start seeing someone else....as long as he knows the possibility is on the table, he doesn't really need to know. Likewise, i'm sure he's not telling you about everytime he and his wife have sex, so why should you have to tell him so?

[JamieA]

Thanks JamiA. I really appreciate your response.

 

The way I feel is confusing somewhat but the situation is amusing...a lot!

 

I'm curious about when you say trapped in their emotions? Part of me does think that I shouldn't tell him if I am sleeping with someone else. Just because everyone does have feelings and I wouldn't want to deliberately hurt his or anyone else's. I don't think I would be to bothered if he tols me he was but that's more because I want to keep things as they are...femme fatale..vixen...seduced by younger man...who is also a fly in my web...oh the drama!!

 

 

One night I was expecting a certain guy and when he didn't show I called on another one.

 

The next day I told the first guy that I missed him but I made do with another. He said he didn't want me to tell him about any others and that he didn't realize how much it affected him to hear I was with someone else.

 

I felt bad and felt like I hurt him emotionally with the fact that I could easily just replace him with someone else so easily.

 

IDK..does that make sense? LoL

[justforfun]

No, I'm guessing that you haven't felt like you've had much control in your life overall, so it feels good to finally have some, and the confidence to walk away when it gets too messy.

 

I don't think you're under any obligation to tell him the specifics of when you start seeing someone else....as long as he knows the possibility is on the table, he doesn't really need to know. Likewise, i'm sure he's not telling you about everytime he and his wife have sex, so why should you have to tell him so?

 

I've had control overall. But I haven't left time for fun. And when I was younger I had a tendency to jump into relationships emotionally and find out to late that I had made a mistake.

 

He does know that the possibility is there. But I think he prefers not to think about it so he can continue to feel like King Dong. You'll love this. He asked me who had the bigger d!*k. Him or his friend. It was all I could do not to choke laughing except (TMI ALERT)..my mouth was otherwise occupied at the time! :laugh:

 

I don't know what I think about his wife. But there is so much other nonsense going on, as you see, that it almost feels like that his marriage is inconsequential. Does that make sense or am I being naive?

[Boundary Problem]

Have you told the online guy about the MM?

 

Is he going to be OK with your flexible lifestyle, or is MM about to get dumped?

[justforfun]

:laugh::laugh:

 

Oy! Stop living my life and give it back to me immediately lady!!! :laugh:

 

Confession:

 

The first time I slept with him...since he was so late I had already texted his friend. His friend texted back and told me where he was. Some club downtown. A bit later his friend called me but I didn't answer.

 

Then.....:o:o:o after he left it was around 3am. I called his friend told him I had missed his call because I was sleeping. He has the smoothest voice...and he said in that voice (OMG)..do you want to come over here? It was sooo hot! But that's not what I wanted so I just said I was thinking that he should come over to my place. Just enough time for a quick shower, brush teeth, straighten bed, comb hair and dispose of condoms before he arrived.

 

Dammnit I felt like a goddess!! But after that is when the proverbial $h!t hit the fan. His friend told him about being over at my place. And MM realized it was after he left. Funny thing is when he finally did arrive that night I told him how he had ruined my plans to have someone else over after he left. When he did leave I joked that I could still call someone (obvious to him I meant his friend). But he said that I had better not and that I had better go to bed.

 

So next day his friend texted me and said he had been speaking with MM and he knew what I had done and so it was over. No big deal there.

 

Bizzare thing is he spent half of the next day trying to tell me that in order for him to forgive me I had to take him for dinner and pay???? I suggested we pay half each just to see if h was angling for a date (one upmanship on MM). He said no thanks. So I told him to stop being stupid and leave things as they are (as in just sex). He said he was going to lose my number but when I changed my mind about taking him out for dinner then to call him and then he would agree to see me again.

 

Sheeesh..this just gets crazier and more hilarious the more I type. I really can't stop laughing. I hope you ladies are enjoying this palaver as much as I am!!

 

One night I was expecting a certain guy and when he didn't show I called on another one.

 

The next day I told the first guy that I missed him but I made do with another. He said he didn't want me to tell him about any others and that he didn't realize how much it affected him to hear I was with someone else.

 

I felt bad and felt like I hurt him emotionally with the fact that I could easily just replace him with someone else so easily.

 

IDK..does that make sense? LoL

 

I do get the part about considering their emotions. That's how I am too. I think the way that I read it made it seem that you were really affected by how they feel. Seems like you are exactly the same as I am about it. I really think he would be upset if I told him. Since when he found out he eliminated the competition!

[justforfun]

Have you told the online guy about the MM?

 

Oh no! We've discussed how empowering the right relationship can be. The roles that we both agree on. etc etc...not easy to explain but we are both on the same line of the same page. It's so satisfying. I have no idea what will happen. I'm enjoying the communication right now though.

 

In an ideal world? He'd move here and we'd spend the rest of our lives in a giddy spin of intellectual and sexual stimulation...LOLOL. Being flippant when it's not but as I said too difficult to decribe without copy and pasting all our exchanges.

 

Is he going to be OK with your flexible lifestyle, or is MM about to get dumped?

 

I don't care to know. With what we've talked about that really wouldn't be a discussion we would need to have. Mutual respect, support, independence but no infidelity wouldn't have any place in that.

 

Nope...nope..nope...MB (hahaha married boy) would be unceremoniously dumped off the side of a tall building or left to blow away in a sandstorm. After all. He knew this was just about sex, right?

[foreal]

So his wife is about 25 years old...and you OP are about 40?

 

I am not one who knowingly would share a man. The idea that he came in her the day of, before or even a week before me, would make me uncomfortable....of course, he's probably not sleeping with her, right??! (perhaps, but from your posts it sounds as though he's well versed in screwing around)

 

I am in my 40s and know my sexuality is more mature, higher level, than it was at 25. I have no doubt I could rock the world of a younger man....but one who is married? Why bother? What's so thrilling about sloppy seconds?

 

I also know at the age of 40, although I am in fabulous shape for any age, that I cannot compare to a 25 year old. Even if his wife is a cow, she is a young cow. Ever wonder how he enjoys dipping it into the kiddie pool, then goes over to the 'adult swim' area for comparison? You probably thrill him- but let's face it, you're not young and his wife is.

 

Is there any reason you are unable to date a single, younger man? After you teach him a few lessons, he is free to practice on you, and his wife, and anyone else he can snag- with younger, smoother, parts.

 

Is there a reason you feel the need to follow up and after his wife? You are Fing her too every time you F him...and every other woman he's been with.

 

I am not saying this to offend...I just wonder what it is that allows a mature woman to think having a younger, MARRIED man inside her is a thrill, for HER...I don't care about him. I know why it is thrilling for him..but what do you get out of it that you don't get from a single man?