Well I've Done It

[justforfun]

Hi ForReal

 

Firstly I have to say that I am in no way offended by your post. I'm here to get input on a public forum and I appreciate that not anyone is going to agree with me or support my decision. I welcome the input both ways. So thank you for yours.

 

So his wife is about 25 years old...and you OP are about 40?

 

Give or take a couple of years yes.

 

I am not one who knowingly would share a man. The idea that he came in her the day of, before or even a week before me, would make me uncomfortable....of course, he's probably not sleeping with her, right??! (perhaps, but from your posts it sounds as though he's well versed in screwing around)

You're right it is sharing in one sense. But to me it doesn't feel that way. I don't want what his wife has at all. I'm assuming that he is sleeping with her. She is his wife and she's in bed with him every night. She's the mother of his children and the woman he has 'committed' (I use that term loosely) his life to. I would imagine that they make love often. I don't really think about who else he is sleeping with. Whether it bothers me or not doesn't come into it. It doesn't in any way change what I am getting from him and it doesn't stop my needs being met.

 

I am in my 40s and know my sexuality is more mature, higher level, than it was at 25. I have no doubt I could rock the world of a younger man....but one who is married? Why bother? What's so thrilling about sloppy seconds?

Absolutely my sexual maturity has everything to do with it. I'm more experienced. 15 years more experienced! I enjoy things with complete abandon that maybe a younger woman would be reticent about. There are a whole host of reasons why my sexual maturity 'rocks his world'. That is part of the thrill for me.

 

His being married doesn't make him 'sloppy seconds' to me. No offense but I haven't used or heard that term in a very long time. But if he came to my bed exhausted because he had worn himself out wherever then I would probably think differently. But as long as he is clean, showered and smiling then I'm happy with that.

 

I also know at the age of 40, although I am in fabulous shape for any age, that I cannot compare to a 25 year old. Even if his wife is a cow, she is a young cow. Ever wonder how he enjoys dipping it into the kiddie pool, then goes over to the 'adult swim' area for comparison? You probably thrill him- but let's face it, you're not young and his wife is.

I don't really think it is about how his wife looks. If it was about the way his wife looks then he would have left her a long time ago. She's young yes. But she's tired, worn out looking, overweight and quite scruffy. Before we were sexual and he used to tell me about some of the issues in their marriage. He did tell me that he wasn't even half as attracted to her as he was in the beginning. I can see why, but a marriage isn't all about looks.

 

I suspect part of the reason for the affairs, besides immaturity are variety. It's all about variety for him. I've seen a couple of women he has slept with and believe me he likes a wide variety of shapes and sizes.

 

Is there any reason you are unable to date a single, younger man?

I don't want to date a younger man at all. I don't want to go out to dinner with, go clubbing with, watch a movie with, or anything else 'date-like' with a kid his age.

 

After you teach him a few lessons, he is free to practice on you, and his wife, and anyone else he can snag- with younger, smoother, parts.

Absolutely. Just as I am free to move onto another young stud and know what to expect sexually. Like I said before though, it's not about younger or smoother for him it's the variety. Not saying I'm not smooth because I am!

 

Is there a reason you feel the need to follow up and after his wife?

I think that's similar to what you said about 'sloppy seconds.' I don't feel 'the need'. It's just how the situation is.

 

You are Fing her too every time you F him...and every other woman he's been with.

I don't see that is any different to any other man, single or not. I also think it would only really apply if we weren't using condoms.

 

I am not saying this to offend...

Absolutely no offense taken, really.

 

I just wonder what it is that allows a mature woman to think having a younger, MARRIED man inside her is a thrill, for HER

It's not the married part that is thrilling. It's the younger part. It's not as though I'm thinking 'oh it's a shame he's married.' I'm just screwing a younger guy..that's it for me.

 

I don't care about him. I know why it is thrilling for him..but what do you get out of it that you don't get from a single man?

I'd turn that question around and ask what is that I would be getting from a single younger man that I am not getting from this married younger man?

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm curious to know if anyone has any ideas as to why I feel so liberated by this?

 

quite possibly the reason might be that you could give a rat's ass about anyone but yourself and your own gratification? maybe?

 

I heard there is freedom in not giving a hoot about other people. thats what I hear anyway.

[justforfun]

quite possibly the reason might be that you could give a rat's ass about anyone but yourself and your own gratification? maybe?

 

I heard there is freedom in not giving a hoot about other people. thats what I hear anyway.

 

LOL. That's quite possible, I agree. But I do think that applies to him to, at least equally if not more so.

 

I do care about other people. What makes you say that I don't give a hoot? Just curious to know.

[White Flower]

Hi SG

 

It was late last night and I was a bit reluctant to post. But I've been honest about everything else on here so...posted!

 

I need to think about what you said. And now it's early LOL.

 

I've been through a LOT of therapy and one of the tools I learned was to project. When deciding on an action to think it through to it's logical conclusion and if you are comfortable or accepting of that then it's probably okay with you to go ahead.

 

It wasn't actually for applying to relational situations. But I'm so used to doing it that I automatically went there.

 

I was looking to see the likely ending and whether I would be okay with that. And honestly, it's all great when it's exciting and you can't wait to meet up again. But when it wears off, if he's the one that pulls back and doesn't want to see me then I'm thinking that will likely be an 'ouch'.

 

But, if that's the worst of it then that is something that I can deal with. And, I'll admit. I'm always looking for the next potential bedroom partner. Although I do prefer the single ones!

 

Does that make a bit more sense?

You sound vivacious and open-minded to casual bedroom partners. Perhaps him being M adds an extra taboo to the R for you? And he being 15 years your junior may add an ego boost to the mix? Yet, you do anticipate an 'ouch' at the end which indicates either an emotional connection or a clingyness on your part.

[Dexter Morgan]

LOL. That's quite possible, I agree. But I do think that applies to him to, at least equally if not more so.

 

I do care about other people. What makes you say that I don't give a hoot? Just curious to know.

 

 

oh I dunno...possibly "I don't have any qualms about it and it is definitely 'just for fun'"

[fooled once]

Wow

 

This whole thread screams of insecurity, selfishness, immaturity, and just yuck.

 

Sorry, but to come on here and boast about screwing a married guy who is 15 years younger while you bed hop with his buddies and others. And how you went after this married guy, who screws around on his wife all the time (sounds like a wonderful boy ) and how liberated you feel?

 

How is it liberating to be just one of a many, one who isn't good enough to commit to, and how you bed hop with so many?

 

Actually, it is all is rather sad to me.

 

But hey, good on ya since this is so liberating and exciting for you.

[justforfun]

Wow! Call it how you see it. LOL.

 

I agree with the insecurity, selfishness and immaturity. It certainly has that and many of the other things required to make a good soap opera.

 

I'm not boasting. But internet doesn't always come across as a real conversation. But that's okay.

 

I actually only slept with his friend. I met MM through work and I met his best friend online. I had no idea that they were best friends. It was so random that even I couldn't believe it.

 

I actually didn't go after the MM. He came after me. Not that I think that makes any difference of substance.

 

I'm certainly good enough for someone to commit to. That doesn't even come into it. The fact is that I feel liberated because I don't feel the need to commit. Based on my history, which I did mention, that's liberating for me.

 

I'm not bed hopping with many. I slept with the friend as MM. I'm not sure where you got the 'bed hopping' with him 'and his buddies.' Maybe you misunderstood something?

 

Sorry it makes you sad. But, as they say 'one man's gold...' You are absolutely entitled to your opinion. That's what a public forum is about. And I thank you for it.

 

 

Wow

 

This whole thread screams of insecurity, selfishness, immaturity, and just yuck.

 

Sorry, but to come on here and boast about screwing a married guy who is 15 years younger while you bed hop with his buddies and others. And how you went after this married guy, who screws around on his wife all the time (sounds like a wonderful boy ) and how liberated you feel?

 

How is it liberating to be just one of a many, one who isn't good enough to commit to, and how you bed hop with so many?

 

Actually, it is all is rather sad to me.

 

But hey, good on ya since this is so liberating and exciting for you.

[Dexter Morgan]

 

I'm certainly good enough for someone to commit to.

 

but your not good enough to commit to. a committment minded person wouldn't be interested in someone like you if they knew what you do.

[justforfun]

but your not good enough to commit to. a committment minded person wouldn't be interested in someone like you if they knew what you do.

 

Maybe you wouldn't but that doesn't mean no one would. I had quite the past before this and my ex-husband, knowing all about it, married me.

 

But what makes you think that I would share this with a new partner? Why would I? It's my sex-life. And I don't see why I would have to share all the silly stuff I had engaged in beforehand. Is that mandatory? I don't think so.

 

I think what matters in a committed relationship is how you behave in that relationship and towards that person. Not how, when, where, who you have shagged before.

 

JMO.

[justforfun]

You sound vivacious and open-minded to casual bedroom partners. Perhaps him being M adds an extra taboo to the R for you? And he being 15 years your junior may add an ego boost to the mix? Yet, you do anticipate an 'ouch' at the end which indicates either an emotional connection or a clingyness on your part.

 

Thank you. It is a boost to have sex with a young energetic guy. I'm not particularly flattered since I do feel that I am attractive enough for him to want to get involved in an A with me. The married part is a smaller part of the situation. It only affects when he can or can't come around.

 

I explained earlier about a method I use from therapy. It's called projection. It's just about thinking things through to their possible conclusion or anticipating the outcome before you engage in the action.

 

I'm not sure that thinking there could possible be an 'ouch' at the end translates to being clingy on my part. Maybe you've interpreted the ouch as something more than I actually meant?

[justforfun]

oh I dunno...possibly "I don't have any qualms about it and it is definitely 'just for fun'"

 

Why do I need to have 'feelings' about the situation? I'm just in it for the sex and yes, the adoration. It is just for fun.

[Dexter Morgan]

Maybe you wouldn't but that doesn't mean no one would.

 

nobody worth a damn or in their right mind.

 

I had quite the past before this and my ex-husband, knowing all about it, married me.

 

uh, ya....and he is an ex-husband nonetheless:o

 

 

But what makes you think that I would share this with a new partner? Why would I?

 

not saying you would share it...just said if the knew...maybe they could hear it from someone else.

 

ya, if I were that way, I wouldn't want them finding out either.

 

 

I think what matters in a committed relationship is how you behave in that relationship and towards that person. Not how, when, where, who you have shagged before.

 

its not about WHO you shagged ore...its about your character. and someones character doesn't tend to change. how does one go from wanting indiscriminatory sex with MM, etc. to wanting only guy? someone with that type of character...well, settling down would be boring for you....no?

[Dexter Morgan]

Why do I need to have 'feelings' about the situation? I'm just in it for the sex and yes, the adoration. It is just for fun.

 

*sigh*...apparently you can't remember the previous posts and why I requoted you.

 

you have no qualms about what you did...therefore you could care less about anyone else affected by your actions and desires.

 

clear enough for ya?

[justforfun]

*sigh*...apparently you can't remember the previous posts and why I requoted you.

 

you have no qualms about what you did...therefore you could care less about anyone else affected by your actions and desires.

 

clear enough for ya?

 

Ok..so I have no qualms about what I'm doing. But why do I have anything to care about? Who's being affected? We're all just in it for the sex, right?

[Boundary Problem]

I've lost track. So is it off with the MM until you pay for his lunch? God he's cheap.

 

If it is off with MM - who is on deck?

[justforfun]

I've lost track. So is it off with the MM until you pay for his lunch? God he's cheap.

 

It's been fun while you've been gone BP.

 

OK...MM is on with a vengeance. His BF is done with me until I buy him dinner...darling...dinner. I'm planning to text him and say...

 

"I'm free on Thursday..come round and I'll get you a pizza before we hit the sack...are we good now?"

 

If it is off with MM - who is on deck?

 

:laugh::laugh: You kill me..really you do!

 

so, MM is on...BF is off..but depending on how BF takes the offer of a pizza then MM and BF may both be on.

 

Do you think I should go for the Family Feast? Wings, cinnamon stix and soda?? I'm thinking definitely deep pan. But no more than $20 + tip. You know if you don't set boundaries with these kids they'll go to far.

 

I can't stop laughing again.

[Dexter Morgan]

A grown adult male wouldn't be that surprised that I had been involved with more than one man. Had flings with more than one man. Had a fling with a married man.

 

I wouldn't be surprised at any woman being with more than one man, flings with more than one man......but with a MM. Not so much I'd be surprised than turned off.

 

And I'm 40.

 

 

I am perfectly capable of having a monogamous relationship. I have done before and I can do again. But for now I am not in a monogamous relationship so I am free to do as I please.

 

remember that if a single woman beds down your future committed man.

dont get mad at her...she is free to do as she pleases.

 

I'm not a particular 'way'. I am engaging in certain behaviors now, at this point in my life.

 

ya, well don't be surprised if a good man is put off if they ever found out you sleep with MM.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ok..so I have no qualms about what I'm doing. But why do I have anything to care about? Who's being affected? We're all just in it for the sex, right?

 

who is being affected? the wife, whether she knows or not, because you are an accomplice to her H cheating on her. you and the rest of the OW/OM can say you want that you aren't the ones married to her, but it still doesn't mitigate your despicable actions.

 

what do you have to care about? nothing I suppose...people like you don't give a crap who is negatively affected by your actions.

 

you are in it just for sex? that makes it all ok? tell you what....ask his wife that and see if she agrees.

Edited November 18, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[justforfun]

I wouldn't be surprised at any woman being with more than one man, flings with more than one man......but with a MM. Not so much I'd be surprised than turned off.

And I'm 40.

remember that if a single woman beds down your future committed man.

dont get mad at her...she is free to do as she pleases.

ya, well don't be surprised if a good man is put off if they ever found out you sleep with MM.

 

Oh boy, you're back? Okay. I will explain it simply. I don't give a flying feck. I'm an adult. I'm not a scarlet woman with a red x branded on her a$$. I am an adult woman who will find an adult man when I am ready. I won't choose to partner up with a 25 year old stud. I won't choose some up-tight near virgin who is put off by the fact I have had an affair. You're definition of a good man and mine are clearly polar opposites.

 

And you need to stop lying about your age on forums. :laugh::laugh:

[Boundary Problem]

Do you think I should go for the Family Feast? Wings, cinnamon stix and soda?? I'm thinking definitely deep pan. But no more than $20 + tip. You know if you don't set boundaries with these kids they'll go to far.

 

I can't stop laughing again.

 

 

Well do you have any gift cards? May as well use those up.

[justforfun]

Well do you have any gift cards? May as well use those up.

 

Bee Bops..I have Bee Bops gift cards..it's two for one deal on burgers but you do have to pay for the fries separately. And it's right next to McDonald's and about 1/2 mile from Pizza Hut. A practical smorgasbord of choices. Or would that be plethora? Oh I doubt he'd know the difference.

 

Well, I'm waiting to see if MM can make it on Thursday. If not I'll put my proposal to BF. Somehow I think they may well turn up together or not turn up at all. I know that's what I'd do!

[Dexter Morgan]

Oh boy, you're back? Okay. I will explain it simply. I don't give a flying feck. I'm an adult.

 

LOL...where were you? I said that earlier and you asked me what gave me that idea...LMFAO!!!

 

 

I'm not a scarlet woman with a red x branded on her a$$.

 

not your a$$, your forehead;)

 

 

I am an adult woman who will find an adult man when I am ready. I won't choose to partner up with a 25 year old stud. I won't choose some up-tight near virgin who is put off by the fact I have had an affair. You're definition of a good man and mine are clearly polar opposites.

 

a good man won't be completely ok with the fact that you didn't give a crap about another woman's marriage to #### her husband. He may or may not choose to overlook it if he knows somehow, but if he is a good man, it won't settle well with him.

[Boundary Problem]

Well, I'm waiting to see if MM can make it on Thursday. If not I'll put my proposal to BF. Somehow I think they may well turn up together or not turn up at all. I know that's what I'd do!

 

 

Well I have some concerns. You've already remarked upon the ego/territoriality of MM.

 

Is MM still working through his laundry list of activities? Has he warmed up on the kissing or is that still something he avoids?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Just be careful. You just started this. You know that song, the one that goes "I fooled around and fell in love"... no one is immune to falling for someone, even if they are determined not to. If you must keep it up, keep it up well guarded and be able to walk away at any time.

[OWoman]

Just be careful. You just started this. You know that song, the one that goes "I fooled around and fell in love"... no one is immune to falling for someone, even if they are determined not to. If you must keep it up, keep it up well guarded and be able to walk away at any time.

 

JFF, this was my concern with your earlier thread, and I've not been convinced you're out of the woods on that one.

 

I've had many As, "just sex", "just for fun" and "deep and meaningless". They were great, I'd do it (them) all again, I bounced away when I was ready and never looked back.

 

But... I know it wasn't that easy for some of them. Some of them left Ms, hoping for a happy-ever-after I couldn't and wouldn't give them. Others found that their once-happy Ms now seemed boring and lacking - possibly opening the possibility of future transgressions. One got busted by his W years after the A and landed up losing his job (as did she) and having to leave the country. Sure, those are THEIR consequences that they took on knowingly, and theirs to bear, not mine - but if he's a friend / colleague you may not be so untouched or able to shrug off the fall-out when it happens.

 

And... as Lucrezia warns, there may be consequences for you, too. After many heartfree As, I landed up wanting "more" in an A. It worked out well for me, but that isn't always the case. These things don't follow a script, and you might land up in a place you hadn't foreseen.

 

I'm not saying don't do it (or, don't continue it) - but I am saying, be careful, keep a close watch on it and if it starts heading somewhere towards feelings, bail. Before you discover that you forgot to pack your parachute.