Ughhh i dont want to get in trouble...

[4givrnt4gtr]

So....about....last year I had broken up with my then bf. My best guy friend had just come back to town and he bassically was there for me through the break up. He had just broken up with someone too so we bassically kept each other company.

 

Long story short, we ended up hooking up on a drunken night (no sex just made out).

 

After that it was really awkward, and then to top it off I got back together with the bf and stupidly i told him what happened. He being the A$$ he was bassically asked me to not talk to my friend again. SInce it was really awkward anyway I went ahead and told my friend we couldnt hang out anymore. He kinda begged a bit but after a while he let it go. I wrote about it here a few times actually.

 

Anyway, fastforward, i realized the bf was a jerk and so I broke it off. I also realized I shouldnt have broken up my friendship with my friend so I contacted him. For a while he didnt want anything to do with me, for good reason. It was then my turn to beg. After a while i realized nothing I said would make it change so I left him alone.

 

Finally after a couple of months we met up again. I was really nervous because it was a group thing and I didnt know how he was gonna be like. To my surprise he gave me a big hug, and teased me about what happened. He also teased me about what happened between us and kept joking about it the whole night. It felt like he was so proud of having made out with me, it was weird. I finally had to tell him to stop, especially since my new bf was there and didnt want to deal with that.

 

Anyway after that our friendship resumed, though ive always felt a little weird....just this...vibe. Actually when I was with my now ex, i hardly ever hanged out with my friend and if I did I made sure my bf was there.

 

Well, recently both my friend and I ended our relationships and we've been talking a lot. Ofcourse, just as friends, but I just cant shake this weird feeling that if push comes to shove, we get too drunk, all hell is gonna break lose. I dont want that but Im nervous. We've actually hanged out a few times and gotten drunk. In fact he even stayed at my place and stayed in my bed, one on each side. Nothing happened and I could not be happier. But still....given our history, it makes me nervous

 

Still im trying to convince myself there is nothing but friendship. On that light I asked him to come with me tomorrow night to watch a meteor shower. I had asked my girl friend but she refused and he is the only other one who would go. So now, we're going to watch a meteor shower in the middle of the beach at midnight alone. I am nervous. Im praying nothing happens....and I keep telling myself that I have control and if i dont want anything to happen nothing will happen....but still.

 

Then friday we are going drinking....a bet i lost....

 

ughh im scared...I guess it doesnt help that i keep getting this dreams where Im either kissing him or hooking up with him and then I freak out because I dont want it and I either will lose my bf (now ex, I had this dream while i was with him) or I will never be with my ex again because of this. Inevitably i feel so regretful and wish i could turn back time...horrible feeling.

 

What do you guys think this is about? how can I stop being dumb and let me just enjoy a good friend? ughhh irritated!

 

(Oh and btw, no i dont like him. He is waaaay too controlling and just....no...no thats ok lol)

[eeyore1981]

Here's the thing. You have already crossed the line of friendship with this guy when you got drunk and made out with him. You say you feel awkward and nervous around him, yet you then ask him to accompany you on what could be considered an intimate outing. Why would you do this?

 

I have many successful cross gender friendships, but the thing is, there is a difference between those and my same sex friendships. I would invite a female friend to go off on a weekend and share a hotel room, I would not invite a male friend to do the same. Even my BF, who I have been close with for 27+ years, who I will do things like go out to eat, etc., I would not invite for something like this.

 

A few months ago, a few of us took a long motorcycle trip to a state park. We made plans to go back in the fall for a 3 day weekend. I REALLY wanted to go. Unfortunately, work got in the way for everyone else, which left just me, MW, and my other BF, MM, available to go. So while I regret very much missing out on this trip, no way would I consider just the two of us going, because IMO, it is just asking for trouble.

 

Okay, the point of my story is, even if you have no feelings for a guy other than friendship, on some levels it still has to be handled differently than friendship with a woman.