am stressing i think my hubby ould possibly be cheating on me

[min]

hi i am 24 years old have 2 precious boys one is 2 and the other is 4 months..just recently i was introduced to my hubbys step dads family which would be when my 2nd son was about 3 weeks old and we started hanging out with my hubbys "cousin" (technically they are not related she is my hubbys step dad niece so no real relation only thru marriage) but we started letting her stay with us and since she is going thru a rough time we decided to have her come live with us until she gets back on her feet...the weekend we made the decision i went upstairs to feed my 2 month old at the time and i happen to doze of for about 30 min and when i woke up i came downstairs and the light were off tv was on and my son was sitting at one end of the couch and on the other was her sitting on his lap facing him with a blanket wrapped around her buttocks area and he was in his boxers legs spread (sorry for the detail) and as soon as i came down she had jumped and quickly hid her head on his shoulder and my husband told me that she "wasnt feeling good" ...i almost couldnt breath and walked into the kitchen to get a cup of ice which was the reason i was coming down in the 1st place..and when i went to go back upstairs they hadnt moved but my hubby tried to move her off of him so i went upstairs and kept thinking to myself it was nothing so i decided to go back down stairs but as i was walking toward the steps i hear him say shh and so i continued down the steps and he was sitting at the end of the couch and she was sitting at the other end with her knees up to her chest and head down and my husband had my 2 year old on his lap so i walked back up and called him upasked him what was going on and he said nothing and i told him that it looked like they were having sex and he said no that she is his cousin and that wouldnt happen and i said that no she isnt really his cousin and he said they were playing around and she was pinning him down to tickele him and i said that is not how a "cousin" is supposed to act expecially t2 adults i have tried to let this go out of my head but i cant i am stressin out big time but this isnt the only ocassion she was gettig ready to take a shower and i had happen to walk down and saw my husband standing outside the bathroom and the door was hanging wide open and i was watching his eyes and as soon as he saw me his eye went to the floor and then she shut the door i believe she had jus a bra and pants on cause she had worn black that day and i didnt see a black top thru the crack when she went to close it and one other ocassion my husband got up early one morning andabout 5 min after he got up i woke up and went to the bathroom and passed her room and when i did i saw him standing over her with one knee on the bed holding the blanket and she was in a bra and i believe nothing below and when i had stepped in he quickly dropped the blanket and looked at me and as i proceeded into the bathroom he followed behind me and he was shaking and breathing heavy (i am not sure if that is a sign of quilt for a man or not) and he came in and sat on the tub and gave me a hug ...then i walked out and into the bedroom for a min and he went straight outside to smoke a cigerrete i had followed behind him to question him and he was shaking the whole time....i had asked him what he was doing in there and he said he was waking her up cause she wanted to get up earlier and then he changed his story and said he was pulling the blanket over her...i told him that i am giving him 1 more chance and if ANYTHING like that happen again i am leaving and in order to get me and my boys back he has to pass a polygraph test with the question i ask...but in my mind i keep having these images and i get all worked up ...i even took my baby monitor (the video kind) and set it up in our room to see if anything goes on while i am downstairs and so far nothing... i have these thought going thru my head...am i jus going crazy?? can it be i jus walked in at the wrong time?? what should i do??......i love my husband and i told him that i have VERY little trust in him and he said he understands but he hasnt been hanging around her as much as before ..could that be because he is quilty of possible having sex with her or attempting??...i have been constantly following him around and trying to sneak and find something going on but so far nothing and my body and mind is doing everything possible to prevent anything form happening i mean i have been wanting to have sex with him more often thinking if i get to him 1st then she doesnt have a chance....i dont want to kick her out unless i know for certain something is going on i mean she has been helping us out with keeping the house clean and with bills... i kinda see it as this way, if it is true then i should thank her for showing me who my husband truly is, call me crazy but that is how i have been feeling on the subject along with betrayel, hurt, and denile but i knw that there could be a possibility that something is going on and sooner or later i will catch them.... she herself told me nothing is going on but i see her with other men (her firends) and she can be very flirtatious and easygoing...any advice would be helpful i am sorry this was long but wanted to get the detail out so that maybe i can get someone elses perspective on the matter and what i should do next should i stick with what i say about giving him 1 more chance or should i go ahead and do a polygraph test to get the truth out in the open so that i knw exactly if there is something going on between then so that i can nip it in the bud...i have lost sleep over it the only time i can get rest is when she is at her job and he is at hers but i wake up everymorning with him no matter how tired i am to make sure nothing is going on or i talk him into staying in the room with me while i catch up o my sleep...i did talk to him recently and he has noticed i have been tailing him and he said he understands and that he doesnt have a problem with it and has nothing to hide from me and i keep thinking that if he is quilty then he would have a problem and give me an attitude about me questioning him but he has been very calm and collectie and understanding on my feelings so should i be worried i am in dire need of some advice

thanks

min

[Fun2BMe]

I think he is having a sexual affair with her for sure. You have seen it with your own eyes and are in denial From your description of his leg being over her bed in the morning then being out of breath - sounds like he was getting a bj from her. You saw her in his lap while he was only wearing boxers, you saw him look at her probably naked while she was about to go in the shower. These are all things you did see, who knows what else goes on when you're not watching.

 

Just because he's ok with you following him around doesn't mean he's not guilty. It's to make you think he's not and it's working. I don't think he needs to take a polygraph test. The things you have seen are bad enough. I understand you can use her help cleaning and paying bills, but is it worth it at the cost of your husband's infidelity? It'll be more difficult if you leave and have to support yourself and your babies on your own. I'd give her an hour to pack her belongings and leave your house if I were you unless you have a place to go yourself and can leave the lovebirds to themselves.

[Malenfant]

i did talk to him recently and he has noticed i have been tailing him and he said he understands and that he doesnt have a problem with it and has nothing to hide from me

 

so he says he understands, meaning that he knows it looks way dodgy

 

and i keep thinking that if he is quilty then he would have a problem and give me an attitude about me questioning him but he has been very calm and collectie and understanding on my feelings

if he was innocent, then he would get mad. anyone would get mad if they were being accused wrongly. he's not mad, meaning he knows you've got good reason

 

there is definately something going on there that you should be worried about

[min]

the breathing was more like the kind when u get the living day lights scared outta you for doing something you shouldnt...i knw i am in denile to a point but i am also aware that there is possibly something going on between the 2 of them...a few day ago we were at the store and she kinda gave a slip of the tounge about something and i think i can use it to weasle out some info from him by changing the info around...she has an iud (type of birth control) and she was telling me that she thinks it had fallens out a few week ago and that she has been spotting and need to see an ob...right now she doesnt think i am suspecting anything between the 2 of them ...but when she had told me about the iud i made a comment, and this is where she happend to slip up..... i said to her "well its not like you are pregnant or anything and she said "i dunno" but with her spotting means that it is most likely negative of her being pregenant but i am not planning to mention that part to him...so i was thinking about setting him down and saying something like ..."the other day we were at the store and she gave me slip of the toungue and that i want to find out from you(him) ....before i continue and see what he says and if he doesnt say anything i will proceed to tell him .... "that her iud fell out about a month and a 1/2 ago and that she need to see a ob and that i had mentioned about her possibly being pregnant and she said she wasnt sure and that the only way she could possible be is thru you(meaning him) and that if there is anything you want to tell me u better get it out in the open before i find out by the the ob doc.....i am hoping that this will scare him and that he will confess anything to me....he can try and tell me that if she is it could be someone elses but she has only been at our house around that time cause we were her only means of transportation and everywhere she went i went so that logic is out the door.....any advice on this matter or suggestions...i want to hear the confession from him and if he does confess then i plan to tell him that she need to go and we need marriage/family counseling to try and work things out and that it will take a VERY LONG TIME for me to trust him if that will even be possible....i will want to work things out with him cause this same matter tour my parents apart and hurt me and my brother and i do NOT want to put my precious boys thru what i went thru i will do anything i possibly can to work my marriage but i will most likly stay at my moms for a while until i feel comfortable being back with him ...i am aware of the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" but i will deffinatly have a short leash on him once everything is over and done with and if there is any suspision about him cheating again then that is it for me...and if i still dont get a confession out of him then i will wait for that one moment to catch them and that will be it and then he will have to prove to me with the test that he is telling the truth in order to get me and the boys back...my husband doesnt knw that i have cameras set up and monitors set up around the house it is only a matter of time to where one of them slips up in saying or doing something...i knw it may sound stupid to wait but i would rather be certain that it is going on then make accusation and not have something to fall on

[phineas]

She was riding him on the couch in your own house with your 2 yr old sitting next to them?

 

what other "proof" do you need?

 

I was in denial also of my wife's cheating.

I had photo's of her & him at a formal dinner at a hotel from the night she told me she was doing a "girls night out"

 

She left in jeans & t-shirt, changed in a bathroom then came home real late & later told me "he's just a friend" & I didn't think you wanted to go so I didn't ask you.

 

And when I asked her why she hid it from me she claimed she didn't.

 

When I explained to her that lieing to me about where she was going & who she was with, sneaking out of the house with a formal dress in her bag & changing in a bathroom then changing again before coming home , & being at a hotel with a man I never knew existed was in fact hiding things from me she convinced me she never slept with him & I believed her at first because I was in denial.

 

I cannot begin to explain how much heart-ache, money, & wasted life I would of saved if I had just opened my eyes & filed for divorce.

[VeveCakes]

Denial. Definitly denial.

 

Why not plan to leave the house for a couple hours...tell them you have an appointment or something. But hang around and come back early. If somethings going on they will be going at it. You can catch them (again), and maybe beleive it this time.

[jerseyboy]

Denial. Definitly denial.

 

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.............................

[2sure]

You caught them red handed having sex.

 

You are not crazy. Tell everybody to get the hell out. If you need one of them to pay the bills, keep the "cousin" until you can throw her out too.

[LindaLiss]

wow that is truly, deep, you should definitely stop blinding yourself and see the reality. Your instinct is firing up and you are ignoring it, dont ignore it too much, you might end up regretting it

[NoIDidn't]

I think they are cheating too. This happened to my stepsister. The cousin by marriage is always the one. Always.

 

I am in on the plan to say you are leaving for a few hours, but only leave for about 15 minutes. They'll try to make sure that you are gone, so don't tell them that you are going to a place they can call. They will try to track you.

 

But I am also with the others. You saw them having sex - and even heard him shushing her! - but still don't want to believe your own eyes and ears.

 

She will lie to you because she doesn't want to get kicked out. He will lie to you because he doesn't want to lose you and is just getting sex from her while you recover from having the baby recently.

 

Is there anyone you can talk to in your family and his about this? Especially to find out more about this "cousin". Trust me, she's likely done this before. Just like the one in my stepsister's situation. They will throw the "cousin" thing up quite a bit. Even after they were a "couple", he would still throw out that she was his "cousin", but only "by marriage" of course.

 

Good luck. Don't use the baby monitor with the video. Use the one you can hide under the bed and pick up the sounds. They would NEVER look for it.

[Brady_to_Moss]

100% cheating..i am never getting married

[min]

so did set up the video monitor it was unknown to either of them that i had gotten one and i placed camera to where they couldnt see it and kept and eye on them when they thought i was busy doing something and a few times i had left and told them that i would be back in 1/2 and hour but cam bak 10 min later and she was in the den on the computer and he was 3 rooms away in the livingroom which (has a big window that you can see from the street if driven by) he was playing video games (which is something he always does in his spare time) and i have even set up a sound monitor to see if i can catch a convo with them two or anything that might be suspicious and so far i havent heard nor seen anything suspicious ...i had talked with my dad and my mom about it and they both told me the same thing to not let my guard down especially when i expect something might be going on cause once you do is when you get hit...i also talked with my neighbor about it (whome had gone thru a simular situation with her hubby) and was able to get some ideas from her and she even try having her husband (whome is a close friend to my husband as well as co worker) try to see if he can get my hubby to say something like trick him but he told him he would never do anything like that to hurt me...and after she the cousin started her job, has been hanging around with her friends and some boy she had dated b4 and is hardly ever hear which gives me a lot of relief and as for my hubby hanging out with her he has kept his distance cause he said he hated seeing me that way being all stressed i mean they still hang out but not like they used to and they have included me .... so as for now i am gonna keep my guard up when she is here and see if anything further happens...thanks to everyone who has given advice and i have taken a lot of what everyone said in but i am in a tight situation when it come to my boys i dont want to take away from them if it did happen to be one of those wrong timing situation and being unsure myself ,but also having things run thru my head constantly does keep me on guard ... but if i do catch them 1 more time it is over and he will have to take a poly test to prove to me that it was all wrong timing.... but so far in the past 2 month there has been nothing suspicious...i knw a lot of you say that i am in deniel and i do admit that i am but deep inside me wants everything to be the wrong timing situation and not what my suspicions are... mainly for my boys, i love my husband to death and dread tearing my family apart my boys are the world to me and having already experience this same thing tearing my parents apart (and his as well) apart and how it had effected me growing up and i would hate to do that to my boys and i am sure a lot of you think that i am stupid for giving him another chance but most likly those who are thinking that dont have a family and kids and doesnt knw what it is like to see the look in your 2 year old sons eyes everytime he plays with his daddy and how close of a bond they have and to watch you 4 month old laugh and smile every time his daddy walks in the room it is hard to tear that apart and there is no way i would just up and leave my kids behind they are the world to me ..but for being uncertain as to what the truth is i dont want to tear apart something so precious to me (my family) until i am uncertain of the truth

Edited December 13, 2009 by min

[LucreziaBorgia]

Do not let your guard down for even a second. I'd be insisting on that polygraph regardless, and not waiting for 'one more time'.

 

They know you are onto them, so you will have to be even more discreet about trying to 'catch' them.

[on1wheel]

I am soooooooo sorry to say this, but HE IS CHEATING! All these things scream infidelity & these are just the ones you have seen. Ask yourself this "if I actually catch him will I leave?". If the answer is a resounding yes, then leave now. Save yourself the pain & emotional trauma of having to relive what you will see.

You have given him more chances than he deserves & yet he still disrepects you & your children. He is having sex with her; maybe always has been.

Have you done anything like this to him? Is this some sort of payback? Or is is just what 90% of men are...D-bags!!! I am a man btw; that's how I know. I however am in the 10%n yet as fate would have it married a woman that was in the 90% :-(

I wish you luck, but if you're gonna leave then leave on your own terms & not just because you waited & finally caught him with his "D*ck in the nookie jar".

[Woman In Blue]

They've been caught by you HOW many times now? Maybe your husband finally realized that getting his d*ck wet every time you turned your back wasn't worth getting his ass kicked to the curb so he's stopped playing with his cousin. Just because you can't catch them on cam lately doesn't mean they weren't screwing around every chance they got BEFORE that.

 

Those two are complete dirtbags for what they did on the couch while your 2 year old child was sitting there. How can you even look at this guy? He's a complete pig who thinks with his genitals. I would have ZERO respect for him after that repulsive little move he pulled.

 

As another poster asked, why do you keep saying he'll have to take a poly ONLY if you "catch him again?" What's the magic number of times you have to catch this jerk before you finally believe what you're seeing? Since he claims to be innocent, drag his sorry ass off to a poly test NOW - why wait to catch him again? Be prepared for him to to utterly and completely FAIL that test with flying colors.

[Spoiled]

Oh boy. Your H has it made, his mistress in the house with you present. He will most likely continue to cheat either with her or someone else considering he got away with you catching her on top of him. That is my favorite position so I know exactly what they were doing. I am in total shock.

[min]

no i have NEVER done anything like this to him i have always been true to him so this wouldnt be any type of payback to me ...and we had jus started haanging out back in mid september (i blame his mom for bringing that family around) i never wanted to meet them but when his mom and them were up visiting us she invited her (his cousin) and her mom and their family over to my house... me and his cousin got along and became friends(see she is my husbands step dad niece) and we would hang out and go shopping andf a few times she had stayed the night but bc she was having pblms (she lost her 2 boys to her mother ...children in youth took them from her for being one drugsand now her mother has custody of them for the time being) and we had decided to help her get back on her feet so she can get her kids back and shortly after was when thing hit tha fan and all that happened...i never even met that side of the family until sept and even my husband didnt like them and i see why the whole family is rather fd up in all sorts of ways...and i thought she was the sane one cause me and her had a lot in common and her and my husband didnt hang out much very seldomly did the 2 of them hang out she was mostly with me while my husband was at work and if she wasnt with me she was at work..but up til i went to feed my youngest son while they went outside for a cig (which there would be no way it would have started outside cause my neighbors are alway around and would tell me if they saw anything like that we live in a row home so all our porches are connected) and i just happend to doze off for about 20-30 min until i heard the door shut from them coming in from outside , which woke me up i had waited a few to see if he was coming upstairs and he hadnt so i went down and saw her on his lap like i did .......but the thing that is getting me is that they didnt knw i had fallen asleep they knew i was feeding my son and didnt take long for him to eat so why would they be stupid to actually be having sex when from what they knew i was awake and just upstairs this is where i am confused myself as to if they were or wernt....for the past month she has been staying with a guy friend of hers an not here she only come here for maybe a night or 2 and then goes right back to her guy friends house or her moms to spend time with her boys...my husband and i have talked several times one on one about the situations and i told him that i have a hard time trusting him anymore and that it will take me a looooonnnnggggg time b4 i will be able to trust him around any other woman if i even trust him at all with one he is on a VERY tight leash right now ..hate to say it like that but act like a dog get treated like one right?? i am glad that she isnt around anymore cause it gives me a relief and i can actually relax now and not be so stressed and worrying if i am gonna come around the corner and see them in another situation thats gonna tear my family apart and im dreading if that day will come but if it does happen then i have set my mind in leaving and he has to prove to me that he wasnt lying to me in order to get me and my boys back and my mom and dad (whome are seperated) are aware of the fact and have given me advice and are behind and agree and prepared in case it does happen to be there for me and the boys

[min]

also the reason why i havent done to poly test yet is cause i cant afford it i read that is cost up to 3-6 hundred dollars and have looked around and did some research but havent found a thing ...i cant afford to pay up to 600.00 for a test... unless someone can give me advice as to where i can get one done for free w/o having to do the whole television thing would greatly appreciate the help if i could i would do the test now but that is the only reason why i havent i just cant afford it