UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 The cure is much more precious than the sickness? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 So are you completely faultless, moimeme? This is not the point. At all. Original question: Why do some men if not the majority, lose interest/marriage potential or just lose respect to a woman who has had a threesome in her past? I am answering why that is. It is because people assign moral judgement to the act. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 No The cure is more painful than the ailment things don't always translate exactly but that's the proper translation. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 My original post. I'm not a guy but I have lots of guy friends and I know that most guys would think that a girl who would do such a thing may have no values or lacks morals. So I take that we've agreed from the start then. I am answering why that is. It is because people assign moral judgement to the act. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Oh. So I was pretty close but pretty far off. Are you Spanish at all? You sort of look it. I'm half Colombian. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Kevin, Are you coming on to Costume Smile?? Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I'm Puerto Rican. You've never heard Frankie Ruiz? No way! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Well...I don't know Kevin. If I had two guys at the same time, I wouldn't be expecting them to 'do anything' with each other.....it would ALL ABOUT ME!!!! hehehehehehehe.......... Seriously, I think guys don't want their girlfriends/ wives with two guys because they don't want their girlfriends/wives having sex with another guy. I WOULD THINK that's pretty much why a woman wouldnt' want another woman in her bed. If you loved someone, why would you even begin to enjoy WATCHING them with another person???? The scenario makes a great porn flick.....but it's not too realistic in the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Actually, Arabess, it's just one more fetish. I think it is something like parading around with a trophy wife - the more others drool, the more a man you feel. This just takes that to a higher extreme - your wife pleasing some other guy makes her that much more a prize for you. At least, as far as I can figure it from what I've read. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Are Canadians just more open-minded or are my circle of friends just more immoral than some of these posters because I don't know any guys (that's a lie, I know one) that think less of a woman that has had a 3 some. The guys I know would probably only not like it if the girl said 'well it used to be something I did but I won't do it anymore.' I just don't understand what the guy is concerned about. If the 3 people all wanted to do it what the heck is the problem?? What does someone's past sex life have to do with you?? Everyone thinks we should all be virgins when we meet and have only one partner for the rest of your life?? That works for some and that's great but these guys judging a woman and condemning her as not marriage material must be some kind of saint. I've done sexual things in my past that I'm not proud of but that hardly means I'm not worthy of being married. I just don't understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Are Canadians just more open-minded It's always a mistake to make broad generalizations, but if you look at national polls on 'morality' issues, I think you do find a fair bit of difference in attitudes between our neighbours to the South and us. Very broadly speaking, Canadians are more socially and fiscally liberal and Americans are more conservative in both respects. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Arabess, Just because you love someone doesn't mean you don't have fantasies - everyone does!! Some people are may just be more interested in carrying out those fantasies than others. I don't think the idea of a 3 some is to watch while your partner gets someone else off - it's about everyone pleasing each other - maybe the partners could make it their mission to please the third person - maybe the 2 women want to turn on the man till he can't stand it - who knows??? Whatever the fantasy, if someone wants a 3 some or has a 3 some and everyone is willing to do it then I really don't think it means they don't love their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Wow moimeme, When I mentioned the whole Canadian thing I was just joking. I'm really surprised to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I've done sexual things in my past that I'm not proud of but that hardly means I'm not worthy of being married. I just don't understand it. Well everyone is different, I personaly wouldn't hold it against a man but if it was something that he wanted to do again then that's a different story simply b/c I don't get down like that so it would potentially cause problems in our future and that's when I'd conclude that this person is not marriage material. I think it's all up to the partner of the person who did this in the past and whether the person plans to do this again would play a big role in deciding (in their eyes) wether this person is marriage material or not. To each's own....some do it some don't....some think it's wrong some don't...you can't force feed people your morals. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 No, I'm not coming on to her, she just seems to have good stuff to say and has a pretty wise head on her shoulder. Yeah, she happens to be cute, too but that's neither here nor there. It's getting hot in here. ANyway. I don't really think the sexual past should be brought up in a relationship, going by what I've seen here and what I've gone through myself, good rarely comes from that. Sure, it's all in the past, but that doesn't mean it can't bug the crap out of you, you know? Of course it's easy as hell to be outside the situation and say, "It shouldn't bother you, yaddayaddayadda," but when you're actually there, it's a totally different story. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Things that make you go hhhmmm??? Canadians are more socially and fiscally liberal and Americans are more conservative in both respects. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Ok Kevin, I was gonna come on to her so I was just making sure I didn't have any competition. (that's a joke so no jumping down my throat please). I do agree with your thoughts Kevin - I'm guilty of people's past bugging me too but I get to a point where I just think 'what's the point?? He didn't know me then and what's important is how he acts now' I've wasted too much time getting all worked up about the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bronzepen Posted December 12, 2003 Author Share Posted December 12, 2003 Originally posted by toots307 I've done sexual things in my past that I'm not proud of but that hardly means I'm not worthy of being married. I just don't understand it. I read this a lot on threads here. What made you realize what you did was wrong/mistake etc...? Why didn't you realize then? What happend to change your opinion? Sorry, don't mean to start a new thread here. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 You guys are too funny....*blush* Anyway in the end I agree w/ UCFKevin your sexual part shouldn't be shared w/ your new partner, unless of course they ask and well then they asked for it. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Which I myself have made the ridiculously stupid move of doing, something I won't do again. I asked, got a really...disturbing answer, and it was my own damn fault. The past is in the past, unless it's something like serious, like STD related, then anything that has to do with sex doesn't really need to be talked about unless it's something that DEFINITELY will have no repercussions. Maybe like, "Wow, that's the best I've ever had!" or something. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Well Bronzepen, For me it was like this. I spent 6 yrs in a relationship with a man that I thought I was going to marry but I was very young and felt like I needed to see what was out there before settling down so I ended the relationship only to find out afterwards that he had been ***king other women the entire duration of our relationship. I got bitter, angry, fed up and doubted the world. I hated relationships and I set out to prove they were all a crock of poop. I started my mission with a married man - I just wanted to prove that men were pigs and no matter how devoted they claimed to be, they would stray given the right circumstances and that guy did. So i continued acting like a tramp (my opinion of myself at that time) and I just basically picked up guys for sexual reasons. I didn't care about them or myself and whenever a guy started caring about me it was time to move on. Then I just kind of woke up one day and took a good look at myself - I didn't like what I saw. I threw away my morals for what?? I really couldn't justify my behaviour to myself so I stopped being that way. I still made mistakes because then my guilty conscience caused me to be with men that, how do I say it, were really not 'good enough' for me. That sounds so vain but what I mean is that they were guys that I was trying to 'save' to make me feel better about me. But there I was again, unhappy as heck and once again I said to myself 'self- what the heck are ya doin??' So I got out of the situation and started working on me until I felt that I was good enough for someone else that feels they are good enough and that's where I am now. Always working on being a better me and sharing myself with someone that I love. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Well, it made you a better person in the end, right? That's what you should focus on, really, rather than being ashamed of your past. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 beyond the exchange of vital sexual information (i.e. STDs and spouses) i don't think anyone has to answer this question. i don't mind answering it, but i would also have no problem just gently saying: it's simply not your business; do not ask again; let's concentrate on us. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Ahhh, would that it be so simple. See, once something's on a guy's mind, or at least MY mind, it's not gonna go away, and hearing something like THAT will just fan the flame, make me MORE interested, even if I know the answer's going to disturb the crap out of me. Double-edged sword. By the way, what the hell is that in your avatar? It's funny as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 ain't we all just such suckers for punishement??? I too have asked questions that I know I don't wanna know the answer to yet the urge to ask is just too damn hard to resist - what's with that?? Link to post Share on other sites
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