jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 i think his name is dookou - there is a funny cartoon on the net somehwere of him angrily chasing a kitten. i agree, in reality it is not that simple, but i think it's important to establish boundaries early on. i looove hearing about guy's ex-es; i learn a lot about them this way and i'm not the jealous type, but this habit drives my boyfriends up the wall. one of them used that line on me, with a slight warning in his undertone, and i did not ask again. if i don't want to answer <i don't have anything i'm deeply ashamed of, sometimes i just don't feel like i know a person well enough to talk about it> i'll give the line, and follow up with a distracting question or anecdote about a topic i know he is interesed in. this works pretty well. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Originally posted by toots307 Arabess, Just because you love someone doesn't mean you don't have fantasies - everyone does!! Some people are may just be more interested in carrying out those fantasies than others. I don't think the idea of a 3 some is to watch while your partner gets someone else off - it's about everyone pleasing each other - maybe the partners could make it their mission to please the third person - maybe the 2 women want to turn on the man till he can't stand it - who knows??? Whatever the fantasy, if someone wants a 3 some or has a 3 some and everyone is willing to do it then I really don't think it means they don't love their partner. Actually you are right Toots. I DO know two couples who engage in swinging and sharing partners. They seem perfectly happy and balanced. I personally wouldn't want to do it though. I wouldn't want to watch someone I love please ANYBODY ELSE....and I don't like sloppy seconds. LOL! However, if I dated someone who said they had done it in the past.....I wouldn't care at all. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Originally posted by jenny one of them used that line on me, with a slight warning in his undertone, and i did not ask again. Forgive me for being a bit slow, but what line are you referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 lol - mea culpa. my pronoun was indiscrete this one: it's simply not your business; do not ask again; let's concentrate on us. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I think I'd have a HUGE problem with someone that wouldn't tell me things if I asked especially if they used that line. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 really? how come? i like clear boundaries, i guess, i didn't mind that he didn't want to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I guess for me I'd just wonder what he was hiding. I'd feel kinda offended that he didn't trust me enough to tell me. But then again sometimes I make such an issue over nothing I can understand someone clamming up. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 toots307 I just wanted to prove that men were pigs and no matter how devoted they claimed to beI like to think of myself as a hideous troll. Watch out goats! toots307 I still made mistakes because then my guilty conscience caused me to be with men that, how do I say it, were really not 'good enough' for me.I think the reality is that you weren’t good enough for those guys. I think many guys see threesomes as a symptom of some more serious problems. For example, liars don’t lie once. Instead, they weave a web of lies. Somebody who did a threesome once probably did it many more times. Maybe she will do it in the future. What kind of person will engage in that kind of sexual behavior? Maybe she has some self-esteem problems. Was she molested as a child? Does she have some character defects? Do I want to spend the rest of my life fixing somebody? Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Interesting responce Blockhead. I myself have never had a 3some but I really don't think you can think that anyone that does have a 3some has been molested as a child or has a low self-esteem or really attribute it to any 'character defect.' If you only want to have sex in missionary position with only one person for the duration of your sexually active life should everyone assume that you have a character defect? What if someone has the urge to have his partner give him a BJ? I'm sure you can rally up a huge number of people that would think that guy was immoral for even wanting such a degrading act performed on him. The point I'm trying to make is that we all have sexal desires - some may seem obscure to some people, some may seem quite usual - either way your fantisies and desires and sexual practices are just that - YOURS and if you and your partner have different views on what is sexually moral, you will have a hard time remaining a couple. And as far as me not being good enough for those guys - that's not a reality it's simply your ignorant opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 With threesomes, something is always loose. For some people, ignorance is bliss. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Blockhead! Good god, NAIL on the head. I worried about her doing it again if she got too drunk or something. Yeah...trust issues, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 fair enough. i'm all for open mindedness, but i would admittedly have trouble with a guy who had any fetish that i did not understand. i would not judge him, or think it indicated a weakness or dysfunction, but that does not mean i want to be with him, either. it just means we're not compatible in that respect. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 What kind of person will engage in that kind of sexual behavior? Maybe she has some self-esteem problems. Was she molested as a child? Does she have some character defects? Do I want to spend the rest of my life fixing somebody? You could extend those same questions about a man who has had numerous sexual partners. Yes, it is worthwhile being cautious - but all that means is that you might want to be sure there are no issues, not that any of these behaviours guarantee that there are any sorts of negative issues. You have to allow for the fact that people are not cast in stone. I guess for me I'd just wonder what he was hiding. I'd feel kinda offended that he didn't trust me enough to tell me. But then again sometimes I make such an issue over nothing I can understand someone clamming up. I'm with toots on this with one reservation. People sometimes ask for details and then beat the respondent over the head with those details forever. This is reason to be cautious about why the question has been asked. Lord knows we've had many posts lately by people who can't deal with their partners' pasts. But I'm with you - past does NOT bother me, and that someone does me the honour of being truthful about his past always means a great deal to me. A couple of my guys had some pretty chequered pasts - didn't bother me at all. I think it's useful to have the 'limits' discussion early on in a relationship - where you discuss what fetishes, etc. would be absolutely off-limits to you. Then you both have parameters. Many of these issues have to do with self-esteem, though. If you get wrapped up in comparing yourself with the stories you've heard about somebody's past, you'll drive both of you nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Bitch Slapper Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 A womans love organ loses its elasticity with too much use but a mans love muscle only gets stronger with more work outs if you know what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Bitch Smacker Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Is it a new concept for a man and a woman to be together. Afterall our tools do fit properly. Am I the only person on earth that thinks that is normal or is everyone fags? You don't use a plunger on a plunger & you also don't use your hand to unstop a toilet; although fruit loops make a nice fly swat. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinrealbad Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 It's every man's fantasy and every man's worst nightmare, depending on which end you're on, literally. It's ok for a man to have a threesome, but if he finds out a woman that he is involved with has had a threesome, he probably thinks of her as a slut and wouldn't want anything to do with her. However, if he were engaged in a threesome, I can pretty much guarantee you that he would have no problem with involving himself with her at that moment. It is a very difficult thing for guys to imagine their girlfriend, wife with another man sexually. It's ok if a man has slept with 40 women, but if a woman were to tell the man that, he would probably leave her in a heartbeat. It's almost like a game to men, a conquest to see how many women they can sleep with and degrade. I am a man, and I am saying this because this is how I feel about the subject. As always it doesn't apply to all men or all women, but I think this is a pretty fair assessment of the situation. I think that's why men like to cheat on their significant other and hold on to them at the same time. It gives them security and committment to come home to and at the same time they have the element of risk and excitement while engaged in the act of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 I am going to have to agree with Kevin and Blockhead on this one, and I am a female who had a boyfriend who has had a threesome that sickened the hell out of me. This topic really strikes a chord with me. I had a MAJOR problem with my ex- boyfriend having had a threesome with his past girlfriend and another guy-who was his cousin might I add. This has been a really big ordeal for me, and actually ended up making me lose a lot of feelings for him. I know that maybe in a perfect world things like this shouldn't bother people. But in reality-IT DOES. I understand that maybe it doesn't bother all people but I think it would bother the majority of people. As for it showing a character defect-well I don't want to step on any toes but YES I do think it does. I couldn't name one person I know who has had a threesome that hasn't slept with dozens of partners and also had other corrupt lifestyles to go along with it such as compulsive lying, cheating, and stealing to name a few. Of course, it is just my opinion that compulsive lying and stealing and cheating are corrupt and I'm sure that there are people out there who thinks this is okay too. It's a matter of opinion I know. In my ex-boyfriend's case, for example, he had slept with many women after having known them for maybe 30 minutes or less at times. In addition, he was a kleptomaniac and a compulsive liar. He also wasn't trustworthy in his faithfulness and stole from me. I do not believe anyone that says they wouldn't do it again. Once you know they have done it once then chances are they will do it again just like cheating. They have that mentality. It's all about probability. I don't mean to sound close minded but this is just what I have observed of people who have had threesomes. I know it all has to do with your morals and that some people just won't have the same morals. I'm sure that if my ex-boyfriend met someone who had had threesomes also she wouldn't think bad of him for his threesome. The point is, having sex with more than one person at a time shows you are willing to do just about anything and the reality is that a lot of people are NOT okay with that. Especially for marriage potential. Guy or Girl either one I think. Moimeme I have great respect for you that you are not jealous about these things but I think you are an exception. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 The point is, having sex with more than one person at a time shows you are willing to do just about anything With all due respect, one person's anecdotal evidence is not sufficient proof that this premise is valid. Link to post Share on other sites
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