Wife left me now contacts me a lot

[m858]

This is my first post here...i'm sure i'll be more concise over time but I appreciate the forum and welcome and feedback/advice:

 

 

I'm sure my story is well know by the community.

I got married to my childhood sweetheart and after 3years of marriage things started to deteriorate. She became distant, disconnected more and more and to the point where she was clearly dishonest on a daily basis.

Counseling was mostly blown off by her and never taken seriously and she moved in with her parents. Everyone who knows us (including her family) believe she's made a big mistake but of course none of this is much concilation to me.

Now it's been 3 months that we're seperated and heading towards filing for a civil, non-contentious divorce she seems to overly involved in my life.

Calls/text messages and emails a lot. Says she misses me, wants to know if she can spend the night over, etc. This the woman that would disappear for a day or two without a trace. Ok enough.

 

I feel that she checked out of our marraige almost 2yrs ago and I suffered to no end trying to do anything to repair/re-energize our marraige in that time.

I can't help but feel a certain disdain for her...I never call or contact her but I'm always courteous when she gets a hold of me. She wears out my ear telling me about her miserable work life, health, mental state. I want to teach her a lesson but I don't want to tip over an outhouse. I don't think she's reconsidering the divorce...i just think she may have some guilt and wants to be friends.

 

I feel like I need to get the point across to her that I suffered a slow death over 2yrs and this is no clean slate for a new friendship. I just don't know if I should continue to bite my lip, look the other way or to

 

Does anyone have any advice for a person in this situation?

[mark982]

go nc(no contact) she calls don't answer. shows up where you're at tell her your busy. comes a time where you gotta look out for what's best for you,and to heck with if you pizz her off.

[seibert253]

NC. She wants you to feel sorry for her, don't. She made her own bed.

 

Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. Don't return her messages. As far as you're concerned, she fell off the face of the earth.

 

You need to totally disconnect from her. It starts with absolute NC.

[2sure]

If you do not have children, the best way for both yourself and for her to move on is to just be done with it. Otherwise, the result will be the same - it will just take longer and cause more pain and confusion.

[CeeL]

Put aside the thought of "teach[ing] her a lesson" -- life's too short, and it's the kind of passive-aggressive push-pull that will just get you sucked back in, to no good end.

 

I would guess, based on the history you laid out, that she's not really feeling guilty and wanting to establish a friendly basis for your future separate lives. It sounds more like she's currently bored and lonely -- and she's got nothing more interesting than you on tap at the moment. Perhaps she's a little annoyed by her current living arrangements. But she's proven that there are plenty of things she finds more interesting, and when she finds the next one, she'll wander off again.

 

I admire your desire to be cordial, and you ought to certainly keep that up -- but at the same time, limit your responses and the amount of time you invest in them, wind things up, and move on as you planned.

 

My 2 cents! Good luck.

[Enema]

Is there another man yet?

 

Anyway, she left you and she knows you didn't want to separate.

 

I think she's keeping tabs on you, trying to string you along and keep you in play in case her other plans fall through. Think of yourself as a backup plan.