mmk1 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 You want to get back together, right? Until he makes it clear that he does too, NC for you. That includes the HTG message, don't reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 but what if that email he sent about he regrets what he let happen happen, what happen was that we broke up so he regrets that, doesnt that imply that he might want to get back together... i dont know how to handle this, even if he did want to get back, i dont know what to do becuase i dont wanna appear easy.. HELP... i am missing him again Link to post Share on other sites
mmk1 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 [sIZE=2]I think you should have one final conversation with your ex. In that conversation, even by email if easier or to make sure you say everything you want to say, you let them know how you feel, what you want and be as honest and caring as possible. Make it short and to the point. After that, there is nothing left for you to say and they know where you stand. Do not agree to be friends and do not contact him again. Then, it is up to him and NC is the only way to go. The ball is then in his court and you must go on from there like he is never coming back, because there is no guarantee he will. Just my two cents. [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 its almost three months and im still missing him what if he feels same way then mabey the break up was a mistake and our tempers got the best of both of us Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 its almost three months and im still missing him what if he feels same way then mabey the break up was a mistake and our tempers got the best of both of us shouldn't consideration of getting back together include his elimination of drugs... that was your requirement before you broke up and part of the reason you both stopped dating. if he can't say he's stopped completely and working a solid recovery program - then you're wasting your breathe - and time - and energy. if he quit and wanted to get back with you - he would have CLEARLY stated those things, but he hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 sunny i dont know if he is on drugs, he was haning around wiht alot of his freinds who did that so i asume he was doing it to but i dont know for sure... how can i be certain if i knew he had a problem for certain i dont think i would go back to him, but i dont know and thats whats hard for me cause what if i am wrong, he doesnt appear like a drug addict like some people, he works two jobs, seems pretty normal, isnt like a drug addict where u can tell he is visibly on somting, i just dont know... its just hard for me to figure this out.. even with that email, its firt time he admited to some wrong doing and saying he has regrets about what happend. what happend was we broke up mabey he regrets that i dont know... Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Is he still hanging out with the friends he used with? If so, then more than likely he still is. They enable him to use, and rarely will willpower be enough for him to avoid it if he is around them. That's why most people who are coke/meth etc addicts or heavy users, have to break from their social circle entirely if those people used. The temptation will always be great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 I kind of agree but he says he doesnt do it and then says i dont trust him, it feels like manipulation to me but who knows he just doesnt seem like he the type to be addicted i dont know if he does it just to party and have fun i dont know his deal, i just wish i had firm evidence then would be alot easier for me.. what if im wrong... but i do think its strange that he would hang out with them and go away with them. its tough sitatuion for me nothign is clear cut.i dont see how he woudl give me up for them lol alot of people are interstead in me and i look better and more kind and everthing than that group of people. but he insist that its not about them and me... whatever Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 I kind of agree but he says he doesnt do it and then says i dont trust him, it feels like manipulation to me but who knows he just doesnt seem like he the type to be addicted i dont know if he does it just to party and have fun i dont know his deal, i just wish i had firm evidence then would be alot easier for me.. what if im wrong... but i do think its strange that he would hang out with them and go away with them. its tough sitatuion for me nothign is clear cut.i dont see how he woudl give me up for them lol alot of people are interstead in me and i look better and more kind and everthing than that group of people. but he insist that its not about them and me... whatever I have a few aquaintances (not friends because I wasn't into that scene) who became addicted and it was a mess. How often was he doing it before? Monthly? weekly? It's rare that someone can just recreationally use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 i just dont know the extent he was doing it before, i havent caught him in almost two years, but i know the freinds do it, and i tell him i dont want them to come over the house he says im trying to control him and not let him see his freinds, but i dont mind his friends that are not users and todl him he should get freinds that arent drug users, mabey by me not speaking to him and doing NC mabey it will make him relize the damage he is doing Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 i just dont know the extent he was doing it before, i havent caught him in almost two years, but i know the freinds do it, and i tell him i dont want them to come over the house he says im trying to control him and not let him see his freinds, but i dont mind his friends that are not users and todl him he should get freinds that arent drug users, mabey by me not speaking to him and doing NC mabey it will make him relize the damage he is doing Well, from everything i've seen, people who did it in the past, and still hang around those who do it, there is a pretty high chance they will relapse. that is the one of the keys for someone to stop using, is to break away from the habits that enabled you in the first place. honestly, if he isn't smart enough to stop hanging out with a group of guys who do it, then do you really want this guy in your life? anyways, you need to figure out if you want someone like this, who is potentially a train wreck in the making, to be a part of your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 i feel so upset a freind ran into him tonight and he told my freind it was the first time he was out in months and he was out with on of his drug friends.. im like odly very upset i feel like i was kicked in the stomach i feel very hurt i dont know why.. i was told he wasnt "with" anyone else but i feel so man like i wanna call him yell at him text him or whatever... tell him that we are never gonna be freinds or anthing.. i feel so f--ing hurt. funny thing is i was gonna go to the same place, i went there i parked and decided to go meet another freind somewhere else so i left. i kinda wish i went now... so i could have had the pleasure of ignoring him so i could hurt him by doing that.. im so mad Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 i feel so mad upset and angery now i wanna do something to get even lol im so angery about hearing he was out last night for some odd reason its bothering me alot... i just dont know how to feel about it all i feel like emailing him and tellling him im never gonna be his friend and to never contact me again and just tellign him off Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 i feel so mad upset and angery now i wanna do something to get even lol im so angery about hearing he was out last night for some odd reason its bothering me alot... i just dont know how to feel about it all i feel like emailing him and tellling him im never gonna be his friend and to never contact me again and just tellign him off Nothing sends a stronger message than silence. If you write him, you are just confirming to him that you are not over him. You need to distance yourself, stop getting updates on his life. Sending him a note will just end up causing more drama, as you wait for a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 your prob right that its best to be silent, but i just want him to have regrets still... my freind said he asked about me, but i wonder if he told me he asked about me just to be nice.... im just so bothered then i start wondering if mabey i answered his email about him having alot of regret mabey we could worked something out... funny to that i almost went to the same place last night, i wish i went so i could have walked by him and ignogred him i know that would have bothered him Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 your prob right that its best to be silent, but i just want him to have regrets still... my freind said he asked about me, but i wonder if he told me he asked about me just to be nice.... im just so bothered then i start wondering if mabey i answered his email about him having alot of regret mabey we could worked something out... funny to that i almost went to the same place last night, i wish i went so i could have walked by him and ignogred him i know that would have bothered him look, it's not about who wins, or who makes the other hurt more. that's a game that no one really wins. you need to worry about your life and happiness and stop trying to hurt him. go out for a run, go shopping, go see a movie, it is more productive than spending time hating him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 I like hating him though lol it gives me energy and i take it out at the gym lol but i start feeling nice toward him and he does somting that pisses me off oohhhhhhhhh cant stand him im so mad today i wish i could spit in his face for putting me threw what he has, i hope he is suffering too from my NC despise him so much now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 ok i couldnt help it i sent a text and said that if he cared half as much as he claimed he would call instead of email... i dont know if he is gonna answer but i dont expect it Link to post Share on other sites
fofiffs Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I like hating him though lol it gives me energy and i take it out at the gym lol but i start feeling nice toward him and he does somting that pisses me off oohhhhhhhhh cant stand him im so mad today i wish i could spit in his face for putting me threw what he has, i hope he is suffering too from my NC despise him so much now you sound sooo cute when your angry..lol..jk Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 ok i couldnt help it i sent a text and said that if he cared half as much as he claimed he would call instead of email... i dont know if he is gonna answer but i dont expect it Why would you do this?? It sounds like a game, and that's not going to help you. I don't quite understand how you were missing him and torturing yourself about why he contacted you, and then the minute you hear he is out -- by himself -- you hate him? What's going on in your head? Link to post Share on other sites
Kic Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Sending him this text will probably solve the problem: "Do not contact me again until you have completed rehab." You should not be taking his actions personally - this person has a drug problem and wouldn't quit if his entire family sent him a text asking him to stop. A clean assessment from rehab is the only way and he can either choose to take care of it now or after he is eventually arrested. There are millions of other drug-free people you could be meeting. Help put him back into this category by going back into NC after you send the above text. Link to post Share on other sites
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