carra Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 hi there, this is my situation; my hubby of 1 yr seperated from me a month ago. recently he came to my house to try to make things work, but he claims he was disappointed, because he felt no sparks. he was only with me for two days, and we didn't fight, infact we had fun watching movies and cuddling. do we just need more time apart, because i did see him two weeks ago as well. and do you think he is looking for a challenge? i think i am too soft with him. anyway, i changed my cell number so he and his family can't call me. has anyone been in this situation before? any suggestions? can thaat loving feeling come back? Link to post Share on other sites
X Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I same problem; my wife left & we seperated about 7 or 8 months ago but we still see each other. I really want to get back with her & I wonder if giving her time will help. I wish I could give you answers but all I have is questions. I think all couples after so long lose some of the spark but that don't mean you don't love the person anymore. I think love just changes as you mature but I may be wrong. I am going through the exact same thing & having the same thoughts............. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 A marriage shouldn't run on 'sparks', and most don't. However, if you have a mate who says they are looking for that....it may be an indication of any number of things they feel is now missing in the marriage. They could be saying they've lost that 'loving feeling', that they need some space to work it out or that they are going somewhere else to look for it. I don't know if time will rekindle a relationship which has grown cold and unsatisfying. It seems some couples get past it....and a whole lot of others don't. "X" is right....there has to be love beyond the sparks. However, you can't make someone feel something they don't. You can also wait a life time for someone just to find out they are NOT returning. All you are doing is prolonging accepting it, dealing with it and moving on. It's a hard call. Link to post Share on other sites
carra Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 my husband acted like he was happy to see me when i visited him last week at his work, his pupils were dialated and he was leaning close to me when i was talking to him. he seemed like he wanted to make it work. he talked about moving in, he bought groceries, we discussed future trips. when i had to go to work, he left to go back home to his father's house and after two days of not hearing from him, i called to ask what was up. he said he was disappointed when he came over, because there were no sparks. can anyone figure this out? been in a similar situation? could it be that he just doesn't want any reponsibility? i'm confused. right now i'm not contacting him at all. not even his family, so he can't keep an eye on me through a third party. is absolutely no contact a good idea? we have only been seperated for 5 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
carra Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 sorry i made this confusing, but the second part i wrote came before the first. i went to see my hubby at work, and then he came to my house. Link to post Share on other sites
thromback Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 did he divorce you?? If you guys were never married then I think they only way to get your sparks back would be to move on and see other people and still be friendly with him. Time apart does make the heart grow bigger, and jealousy also makes people do crazy things. If he still loves you he will probably like you more for moving on and giving him his space. Your posts were unclear so sorry if I gave you any bad advice.. because my love life isnt so good, so you probably shouldn't be listennig to me, I hope everything worksout goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 In such a case, you always always always stay away. Do not let him have his cake...and you know the rest. He wants to know you are "there" , you are easy prey because you are vulnerable, and the gray area is, for cases as yours, "easier" than the brutality of a clear yes or no. But life requires definition, clarity, and consequential actions. Pull back, waaaay back, and let time work its magic. Yes, sparks come back after silence or separation IF love was there to begin with. Feelings that are dead in the water cannot be resuscitated. Separation is a tough-love but win win situation--you get your feared answer or you get a surprise, but you do get clarity and that what human relationships demand. Link to post Share on other sites
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