McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 so after sitting all day at work 10-9 by myself i take out my lady friend and bring her home. we watch tv and i cant even get my ex out of my head. im sitting there holding this beautiful girl and i cant stop thinking about my ex and how i ****ed everything up and how i want her back so bad and cant get her and blah, blah , blah... i feel emotionally empty and am beginning to think this girl is just using me too and she sits and texts all night to who cares who (probably another dude)... UGH.. life gimme some fulfillment and a 2nd chance Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 and not the boots Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 i feel emotionally empty and am beginning to think this girl is just using me too and she sits and texts all night to who cares who (probably another dude)... UGH.. Keep it up mate. I'm with you on this one. It's really hard to give anything emotionally to anyone when you're tied in knots over the ex still. Oh, and my ex used to text constantly when we were together. Used to drive me mental. That's one thing I really don't miss about her...not one little bit Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I don't like the sound of this girl McGrupp. She sounds beautiful but shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I don't like the sound of this girl McGrupp. She sounds beautiful but shallow. I hate to say this, but in some ways that might be just what he needs Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I hate to say this, but in some ways that might be just what he needs Is this the same drug taking, crazy sounding, beautiful girl? I don't know if this is what he needs....but then again I am sitting at home wishing my husband would return to myself & our daughter...so he is probably doing better than me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) im not sure if its what i need or not. on one hand it boosts my confidence, gives me someone to hang out with... on the other i dont really like her at all. i mean at all and I feel like she is stunting my moving forward, however thats probably all in my head. idk, my co-dependence is showing Edited November 20, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 If she's mean and shallow, why in the hell bother?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 oh she is definately not mean. im not sure about shallow. but she is depressed, and not that fun to hang out with. idk what to do Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 McGrupp, she may be using you, but wouldn't you admit that YOU are using her as a way to get some relief from your loneliness and pain? And that is okay as long as she is not expecting more than a short term relationship IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 yeah were are using each other. someone is going to get hurt. the other day we were talking about how nice it is to just have a friend who we can talk too well we both go through ****, so maybe ive been friend-zoned. thats okay i guess, although we still make out a lot. confused- Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 i wish there was something i could do to make me not look like a pyscho/pussy to my ex. i want her back. i ****ed up. pretyy much did everything wrong yo can do. i think about going up there, emailing, calling but that all makes me look worst and already put me where i am. UGH!!! i have no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Is this the same drug taking, crazy sounding, beautiful girl? I don't know if this is what he needs.... When you say it like that I have trouble disagreeing with you ...but then again I am sitting at home wishing my husband would return to myself & our daughter... Yeah I hear you. Me too. No-one else is going to fix my sadness right now, no matter how hot or sexy the other day we were talking about how nice it is to just have a friend who we can talk too well we both go through ****, so maybe ive been friend-zoned. thats okay i guess, although we still make out a lot. If you both know it's for the sake of a bit of company then go for it. I absolutely hate being alone at home so do almost anything to not be. Try to avoid junkies but... oh she is definately not mean. im not sure about shallow. but she is depressed, and not that fun to hang out with. So...apart from that she's great LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 sometimes i look at her and she is so sad, and im like "what do you have to be sad about?" and really she just has rich, white girl syndrome (bored and unfufilled) and then ill say something like, "look how much fun we are having" even though inside im miserable. so maybe its a good thing. i dont ****ing know. my life is a lot different then it was 4 months ago... Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Believe me, I spent the better part of 3 months going round after round with myself. I was fighting the situation (a breakup) and myself (all the things I did wrong). Neither battle helps you heal. i have no chance. You do, it will just be with someone else... Start by giving yourself a chance; realize where you made mistakes, write them down if you have to; then forgive yourself Grupp. Your the only one that can anymore. Nothing she tells you will give you the satisfaction you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 ive written this email. someone tell me not to send it and why. it comes off needy right? Hey, Im writing you now because I want to say some things before we go our separate ways forever. First off I'm sorry for the way I handled everything. I became immature and selfish. I didn't listen to you when you requested time and space. I became over-protective and controlling. After what happened last year, when I think about it you came clean to me and I should have forgiven you instead of holding it against you a lot and bringing it up. I did trust you, its just when you became distant and we started to push and pull with each other, I felt something was wrong and my mind went into a dark place. And i'm sorry for that. We both know I lost my head a couple of times (actually a lot) and these are my biggest regrets. I wrote you emotional emails or called you and begged to come back. I am really ashamed of the person I became. Also I realize you can't control someone. I took off a lot of time to find myself these past months. I've seen a therapist to understand why i was so overprotective and why I was so angry. I think I've worked through a lot of those issues. I really needed to grow up. I've moved on with my life in some aspects, however I still dream about us, and how good that was. I still am sad to think we don't have a future together. A lot of little things remind me of you. We had so much fun together doing the simplest things, its crazy to see how we snowballed into a catastrophe so fast. I miss just eating dinner, shopping and watching TV with you next to me. I wish we both communicated better in the beginning of this whole thing. It is a 2 way street and we both were emotional and confused. and MAYBE things would be different if we both acted more mature(especially me) and just sat down and talked. The reason I am emailing you is to see if the door is still open for us at all or if it can be reopened in time. Its unfair to me to hope it is with my heart and know in my brain it is not. I realize all the signs that you don't want me anymore. Basically when a girl says "I need to find myself" that's the relationship kiss of death. But you act like there is still hope. I know you still think about me, probably in a different light though after the way I've acted. I would love to talk about it face to face if that's at all possible AND JUST TALK. No begging or pleading, no guilt trips or promises, just 2 adults discussing what went wrong and how. If you don't feel comfortable with that I completely understand and I will accept the finality of the whole situation. im not sure how to go forward and if there is even an US anymore. I wouldn't even know where to start. But after weeks of trying to suppress my feelings for you I can't. It hurts. Its hard. i know im being selfish but i would regret never telling you how i felt or that I am sorry for the way I acted for the rest of my life. I know im supposed to look to my future but I want you in it. Sorry but thats true. I ****ed this up and don't want to go back. I want to try and make something new. Im sorry. I know we can't but...well...i have to try. I have to. My heart hurts so much. So i just need a final answer. So i can move on and heal and stop this. MG Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 ive written this email. someone tell me not to send it and why. it comes off needy right? It's sooooo sweet, McGrupp! Maybe shorten it up a bit? Definitely get that message out there to her. It's lovely, a genuine attempt. ALTHOUGH... if you could shorten up your message and tell her by phone, that would be better. Catch her on the spot. See what her instant reaction is. Overall, it needs to be shortened. Get the message across to her, not the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Cut out 1/2 of it. The beginning was good. I wasn't reading closely by the end - too long. You need a final answer so you can move forward. I tried writing these to one of my ex's once, and never got a response and "whole neighbourhood" found out about the letter and I got the pitying looks. So have a game plan for "no response" - ok? Anything that gets you a final answer with her - I support. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Aw man I made mistakes in my relationship (neglect the last couple of years as I was mega busy) and I have been beating myself up over it, and thinking if only, if only, if only All the things I should have said or done or not have done. I have apologised and he said to me don't blame yourself, it takes two to make a relationship work. Even if you apologise to her it may not help, although she may appreciate your apology. You've had total NC since the break up? Just be sure that spending time with the woman you hang out with doesn't make you feel worse in the long run. For me, hanging out with a bloke wouldn't help me right now, cos it wouldn't be HIM, so it would make me feel lonelier. Also, I feel that this time alone for me is time to build myself and get myself strong again, I don't want to need anyone this much ever again, so I am trying to use this time to sort myself out. Although the ironic thing is he left as he didn't feel loved and needed towards the end. Hang in there mate, WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! so after sitting all day at work 10-9 by myself i take out my lady friend and bring her home. we watch tv and i cant even get my ex out of my head. im sitting there holding this beautiful girl and i cant stop thinking about my ex and how i ****ed everything up and how i want her back so bad and cant get her and blah, blah , blah... i feel emotionally empty and am beginning to think this girl is just using me too and she sits and texts all night to who cares who (probably another dude)... UGH.. life gimme some fulfillment and a 2nd chance Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Does she have a family member that understands her very well that can give you the bottom line answer about whether it is worth waiting for her for another year of your life? I always do that for my sister and her ex's. I always knew when there was no hope, and if they seriously asked me - I told them. They never listened though. But I was right 100% of the time re her future with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 im thinking i send it after NYE. let the holidays ride without me in her life. idk though. i believe i know her final answer but it would be nice to know and stop living on these breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 You need a final answer so you can move forward. Agree! I tried writing these to one of my ex's once, and never got a response and "whole neighbourhood" found out about the letter and I got the pitying looks. So have a game plan for "no response" - ok? Another plus for the phone call! Anything that gets you a final answer with her - I support. Agree! Or perhaps in the end he will be so tired of pursuing her, that he will give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Suit yourself. When you think you already know the answer, why waste more of your life? Just another reason for you to spend the holidays alone punishing yourself for crimes you haven't committed. I think it is a form of self-hate. If you loved yourself, you would want a final answer now (we know what that answer is), and then you can start rebuilding your life. A life without her. It will be sad initially, but it can be a good life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 im thinking i send it after NYE. let the holidays ride without me in her life. I really think it should be done by phone. If you send an email pining for her she might get the message that you are totally obsessed. Which you are... but don't send that message. It's like you don't have a life without her. If you call, make it a "Hey, what's up and how's it going?" thing. Then gently bring in the reason for your call. It will make a good conversation, she should be receptive to that. If not, she's a biyotch! haha. It will be a good way to get some answers, bring some resolution, and see if there's a future to your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Agree! Or perhaps in the end he will be so tired of pursuing her, that he will give up. He needs help getting over her. She is gone. He needs to hear it again. Fine. But he can't self-heal. I realize that now. Link to post Share on other sites
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