GrayClouds Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 not sure about that. could call her today (at 5 she drives from work to her rents about 2 hours away) and say hey, listen ive cleared my head. i made a lot of mistakes. we both did. you say your not sure about us but i need to know NOW if there is anything here waiting around for because i still do care. ??? You do KNOW... just have not excepted it. and the last time you broke NC, how well did that work out for ya'... Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 not sure about that. could call her today (at 5 she drives from work to her rents about 2 hours away) and say hey, listen ive cleared my head. i made a lot of mistakes. we both did. you say your not sure about us but i need to know NOW if there is anything here waiting around for because i still do care. ??? Then you get to do your apology thing. Write down the actual words she says as she talks. Often people tell us, but we don't hear. You'll end the call confused. But if you re-read what she said - maybe that will give you the clarity you need. Phone call is the only way to go. Email/letter/in person have been eliminated as options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 and the last time you broke NC, how well did that work out for ya'... what you mean making me suicidal? twas great holiday fun!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 not sure about that. could call her today (at 5 she drives from work to her rents about 2 hours away) and say hey, listen ive cleared my head. i made a lot of mistakes. we both did. you say your not sure about us but i need to know NOW if there is anything here waiting around for because i still do care. i think this would help me. i think. although maybe im just buying into it because it gives me a shot of hope. hmmm... ??? Yes! Do it! It's NOT about hope, McG... it's about resolution. Think of it as resolving all this uncertainty on your part. And if she says no, but you would like to be friends, say that. If she says no, and you can't be friends, accept that. If she sounds uncertain, try to see her again. You really like this young woman, this is called "making it work". Believe me, women will have all sorts of uncertainties in their heads. But if you are confident in who you are and what you want, we find that attractive. Don't worry. It's either a yes or no. However, you have to work for that yes sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) ugh. ugh some more. Edited November 20, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 You aren't going to commit suicide. I roll my eyes everytime I hear you say it. It is your way of saying it was REALLY bad. Ok got it. Warn us when you are going to call her because you are going to need triage and we want to be ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 im not going to kill myself. those were just some dark days. around halloween i felt like there was no light. anyway...im going to mull this over a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 But if you are confident in who you are and what you want, we find that attractive. Are we reading the same posts? What about what he has said sounds confident? If he has something to be sorry about, that he has not already apologized for, then I guess there may be some unfinished business. And being needy, clingy, or any non-abusive things that follow a breakup do not qualify btw... However, what about the other stuff? The man is the self elected mayor of S***sville right now (and I mean that in the most compassionate way). Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 i thought it was pitty town? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 what you mean making me suicidal? twas great holiday fun!! LOL and there wasn't even turkey and cranberries to eat. Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I think you are going to do more damage to yourself 1. debasing your self apologizing 2. hearing her once again not give you 100% All playing back into the self-hate. Which loves pity parties. The cycle goes around and around and around. Loving yourself is the way out of this hell hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 i dont think im going to call her. plus i dont even have my phone on me i just realized (sign?) anyway, in my head i call her, she says she still cares, we make plans and we're married by the end of the day (j/K) in real life. she will just gimme the same spiel and i might even break down again. i know myself. im confident now, but well who knows in that situation. just gotta move on Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I think it will do damage to you. Whilch will set back your recovery. That is what this is - recovery. Love yourself first. Which means don't willingly inflict damage on yourself. I've learned in life we are incredibly strong. Very very strong. But there are limits. So save that energy for good healing, rather than triage. If she wanted to marry you she would be sitting in your lap right now. Women are pretty direct. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Are we reading the same posts? What about what he has said sounds confident? He is confident that he wants the girl back at least. lol. He is confident that she makes him happy. He is confident that he misses her. So now it's just the hard part. Doing what you gotta do to get to the next step. He didn't have a real break up, and it's been torture on him. It's crushed him. It's been helpful... I mean, he has a new awareness about himself now, and hopefully will take all these things into consideration moving forward. But he can't continue feeling miserable. He needs some resolution. He needs to do something. He needs to get his real confidence back. He's going to do that by doing what he needs to do: He needs to resolve this. Not hide away and beat himself up because it didn't turn out like he wanted it to turn out. All he needs is to be empowered to do the next thing. And the next thing is resolving this relationship with her. I think that is really what he is missing. Rejection is possible. But then he will be dealing with rejection, not this uncertainty that he is torturing himself with. Besides, it's easier to cope with rejection than it is with false hopes. Is that true for you, McG? Wouldn't it be easier to cope with rejection rather than this self-defeating "coulda woulda shoulda, is there still a chance" stuff? Now at best, of course, they will get another run of it, and he will find out new things about their relationship. But he is willing to do this. Taking another chance with this relationship is just as complicated as letting it go. But he needs to move forward now. And he needs to know where he's going. No more uncertainties. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I just want to be your cheerleader in moving forward, McGrupp. It really is hard seeing you in the same place. You have to do something to get to a new stage in this whole mess. But you know what is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Now at best, of course, they will get another run of it I dont know about others here, but I was not ready to make another run of it, and 2 meetings proved that for me. I sure thought I was at the time... If she came back today, I'm not sure I am. Too many Sh*t storms and not enough self reflection/growth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 confused i am. i still feel the need to call her, so that means obviously i still think there is a chance or something (deep down) if she said, out loud, there is not shot, stop calling, ive met someone, or something like that...well it would kill me. but at least i would never think to call her again. its weird. stay NC and let the feelings of contacting at all fade, which who knows when that will be because i dont have an answer (her silence i guess would be the answer) or go for something...im not sure what? ...more rejection disguised as sympathy? no thanks...i think Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 i still feel the need to call her, so that means obviously i still think there is a chance or something (deep down) I think this is a need of yours. This is what I hope you address, this need of yours. Because as I see it, it won't get better until you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ultiman Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 so after sitting all day at work 10-9 by myself i take out my lady friend and bring her home. we watch tv and i cant even get my ex out of my head. im sitting there holding this beautiful girl and i cant stop thinking about my ex and how i ****ed everything up and how i want her back so bad and cant get her and blah, blah , blah... i feel emotionally empty and am beginning to think this girl is just using me too and she sits and texts all night to who cares who (probably another dude)... UGH.. life gimme some fulfillment and a 2nd chance Im going to be brutally honest with you cuz. Your really not coping with your breakup whatsoever and your beginning to sound like a pussssy. I straight up do not want to insult you in any way but you have a fine bitchhh in the room with you and your holding her hand and hanging out with her and you still cant get your ex out of your head. Ive been spending the past weeks with friends and mainly by myself working out my problems and ive been getting over my ex very well. I have not spent any quality time with any person of the opposite sex and I know as soon as I do it will seal the deal and finally help me get over her. I lost my Ex for the same reason you did; I ****kked up the entire thing, I made millions of mistakes but now im just seeing it as a lesson well learned and for the next time I will not make those mistakes ever again. You gotta get her out of your head man ****k the stupid biittch she is not worth all this pain you are causing yourself, she is running your mind without even being there to do it man. Dont you think thats kinda sad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) **** it. im not calling her. she is dead to me. btw i wrote that without reading your post there ultimatum. this whole thing comes down to insecurity and low-self esteem. and also comfort. and independence. basically im happy this happened now then when i was 40 years old, with 2 kids and a mortgage. i need to do me now. forget her. she cheated and she probably just wanted to cheat again. Edited November 20, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Im going to be brutally honest with you cuz. Your really not coping with your breakup whatsoever and your beginning to sound like a pussssy. I straight up do not want to insult you in any way but you have a fine bitchhh in the room with you and your holding her hand and hanging out with her and you still cant get your ex out of your head. Ive been spending the past weeks with friends and mainly by myself working out my problems and ive been getting over my ex very well. I have not spent any quality time with any person of the opposite sex and I know as soon as I do it will seal the deal and finally help me get over her. I lost my Ex for the same reason you did; I ****kked up the entire thing, I made millions of mistakes but now im just seeing it as a lesson well learned and for the next time I will not make those mistakes ever again. You gotta get her out of your head man ****k the stupid biittch she is not worth all this pain you are causing yourself, she is running your mind without even being there to do it man. Dont you think thats kinda sad? **** it. im not calling her. she is dead to me. btw i wrote that without reading your post there ultimatum. this whole thing comes down to insecurity and low-self esteem. and also comfort. and independence. basically im happy this happened now then when i was 40 years old, with 2 kids and a mortgage. i need to do me now. forget her. she cheated and she probably just wanted to cheat again. There's ma boys! I'm liking what I'm hearing. McG - Ultiman has been through it as bad as you, if he can do it, so can you. You are just 'going back to what you know' - not just her but the Pity Party Cafe. It's just the place you're used to. Step outside, my friend. The air is sweet. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 i have to laugh at all my threads and maybe congratulate my friends at LS. every thread is like "im sad, depressed and going to break NC; this is all my fault" and then they end with "im going to change my life! screw her!" but hopefully this time its for real... Link to post Share on other sites
Ultiman Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 i have to laugh at all my threads and maybe congratulate my friends at LS. every thread is like "im sad, depressed and going to break NC; this is all my fault" and then they end with "im going to change my life! screw her!" but hopefully this time its for real... Yes man, Your mind is YOURS and only YOURS. You control how you feel, even though its hard man i know she was your drug and your were hooked on it. But now the supply has run out and theres no more left ever so thats it you just gotta accept it and move on.You will be suprised how effective it is to tell yourself a couple of times a day, Fuuuckk this bittcch i dont need her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 i have to laugh at all my threads and maybe congratulate my friends at LS. every thread is like "im sad, depressed and going to break NC; this is all my fault" and then they end with "im going to change my life! screw her!" but hopefully this time its for real... That's why we like you, McGrupp. You're like the coping poster child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 yeah right...thinking about a career in counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
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