HeavenOrHell Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Exactly, I'm 43 and it's happened to me! So...you need to build yourself up, build your confidence up, be the best person you can be...I am starting to do this now, so wanna join me?! I guess I'm lucky as all the way along my ex has said if I want to talk about what happened, if I need the answers to anything, then he is happy to talk, and it has helped. If I have stuff I want to say him and worry it might sound like a rant at him, or might make me look needy, I write it all down but I don't send it, and if I still feel the same in a few days then I might send it, but I send a different version-I won't send anything angry or hurtful (except one text which I regret and will not make that mistake again), or pathetic. **** it. im not calling her. she is dead to me. btw i wrote that without reading your post there ultimatum. this whole thing comes down to insecurity and low-self esteem. and also comfort. and independence. basically im happy this happened now then when i was 40 years old, with 2 kids and a mortgage. i need to do me now. forget her. she cheated and she probably just wanted to cheat again. Link to post Share on other sites
Miad's Princess Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Maybe she has moved on, if you have in some ways then who knows how she is dealing with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 i dont know if she wanted to break up with me. i kinda solidified the decision by acting like a pyscho post breakup. i mean i called her, and then acted a pyscho and then she broke it off. ugh...i want to call. all her emails have said this has been very hard for her... Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Dude..do a search on "soulbear". He was doing the same thing you are for months to no avail. It's a waste of time and energy. She's gone! The whole "I need time" thing is BS to begin with. It's an easy way out for her to keep you around just in case..but, there wasn't a case here. Stop beating your self up over this part of your life...it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) i went back and i read his posts. good guy. my situation is a little different because i literally did everything wrong ( i know im blaming myself) but really, i did. no NC, begging, crying, letters, cursing her off, telling her i never loved her, telling her i loved her...doing NC, begging again, texting her to go **** herself again, sending an email saying ive moved on with my life, and then still calling her.... and b4 the breakup, well i had her, then acted so much like a pyscho she had to leave i mean, im just being honest. she played the game too (picking up, replying, becoming distant) but ....well she aint coming back and that sucks... but it doesnt matter anymore... Edited November 21, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 i went back and i read his posts. good guy. my situation is a little different because i literally did everything wrong ( i know im blaming myself) but really, i did. no NC, begging, crying, letters, cursing her off, telling her i never loved her, telling her i loved her...doing NC, begging again, texting her to go **** herself again, sending an email saying ive moved on with my life, and then still calling her.... and b4 the breakup, well i had her, then acted so much like a pyscho she had to leave i mean, im just being honest. she played the game too (picking up, replying, becoming distant) but ....well she aint coming back and that sucks... but it doesnt matter anymore... There is a great quote from a movie called "Saving Sarah Marshall "that I always tell myself when I feel $hitty that my wife left me. It goes like this....."your relationship is like the Sopranos, its OVER....find a new show" Listen bro,work on yourself,forget this girl, for now. You can't force her to do anything...it is only going to push her away.(believe me,I know) Your note would be pretty similar to what I would write my stbxw. However, It would do no good. Her mind is made up. NC would be the real way to tell if she is interested at all. To me,calling her,txt her, e mail her seems toooo needy. Dude,she will come to you if she still has feelings for you. In the meantime,like I said. go to the gym and do some things that make YOU happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 thanks ive probably watched that movie 20 times since this whole thing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 How you have reacted seems completely normal considering you did not have an actual break up. You deserve some answers. You are missing that conclusion, or that communication on her part. You need this. It would be for your sanity, and it would be the mature thing to address. She seems so distant, or perhaps really not interested, or totally lacking respect in concluding this relationship or maybe terrible with communication. I don't know. But it just seems like you are trying to make up something that she is not giving you, something you need her to do. She needs to turn around and address this with you, because you are having a hard time about it all. I'm sorry that it's come to this, and that you are embarrassing yourself over it. I see it as her fault that she has not addressed anything with you. Somehow you need to get your answer. But they did have an actual breakup. She told him she needed space and time and he broke up with her. I don't think she really wanted to be in a relationship anymore but was running back to him out of fear of being alone. I think she has gotten over that. Also she cheated on him. He needs to stop waiting for her to come back and move on with his life. If he continues to stay in this "holding pattern" he will never get over her. She's gone and he needs to start accepting it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 There is a great quote from a movie called "Saving Sarah Marshall "that I always tell myself when I feel $hitty that my wife left me. It goes like this....."your relationship is like the Sopranos, its OVER....find a new show" Listen bro,work on yourself,forget this girl, for now. You can't force her to do anything...it is only going to push her away.(believe me,I know) Your note would be pretty similar to what I would write my stbxw. However, It would do no good. Her mind is made up. NC would be the real way to tell if she is interested at all. To me,calling her,txt her, e mail her seems toooo needy. Dude,she will come to you if she still has feelings for you. In the meantime,like I said. go to the gym and do some things that make YOU happy. McGrupp, listen to this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 i dont know if she wanted to break up with me. i kinda solidified the decision by acting like a pyscho post breakup. i mean i called her, and then acted a pyscho and then she broke it off. ugh...i want to call. all her emails have said this has been very hard for her... The point is if she didn't want to break up with you, the two of you would be back together by now. You have shown her that you want her back and she hasn't come back. What does that tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 yup. i dont know if i ever said "i want you back", but im sure she knows i want her back. she is gone. its VERY VERY ****ING hard for me to accept it. idk why. i just cant stop thinking about what i shouldve done and that she will eventually think to come back. but lets face it, there is no way she is going to do that... and it sucks and hurts and...wow... why cant i accept it? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 It is hard to accept something you wish wasn't true. I feel the same about my ex, I am full of regrets too, he said to me don't be full of regrets cos it could eat you up for the rest of your life. Wise words. yup. i dont know if i ever said "i want you back", but im sure she knows i want her back. she is gone. its VERY VERY ****ING hard for me to accept it. idk why. i just cant stop thinking about what i shouldve done and that she will eventually think to come back. but lets face it, there is no way she is going to do that... and it sucks and hurts and...wow... why cant i accept it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 yup. i dont know if i ever said "i want you back", but im sure she knows i want her back. she is gone. its VERY VERY ****ING hard for me to accept it. idk why. i just cant stop thinking about what i shouldve done and that she will eventually think to come back. but lets face it, there is no way she is going to do that... and it sucks and hurts and...wow... why cant i accept it? You know McGrupp, I'm at the point of telling you to go ahead and call her. If you never told her straight out that you want her back and received a firm answer then go ahead. I only hope for your sake she wants you back too or you will be hurt. Maybe when she tells you how she really feels you will be able to do what you need to do. Make her give you a firm answer and not just say things to "half-arse" make you feel better. I was under the impression you had made your feelings clear to her what you wanted and she didn't want to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 and it sucks and hurts and...wow... why cant i accept it? Because if you do it means your alone and your happiness is in your own hands. And your more dislike that idea more then you dislike being in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) yeah. i would like to talk to her one last time, but there is no point. i would love to do it in person, but reading others storries on here and a lot of female experiences (when they were the dumper) i can clearly see the writing on the wall. i can only say, my girl is different so many times before you realize her actions are very similar to a lot of others. maybe a text "i need to know if there is any chance for us" she would respond. im not worried about that. and at least im not to emotionally investing myself as much as a in person or phone call. i already think and feel i know the answer Edited November 21, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 yeah. i would like to talk to her one last time, but there is no point. i would love to do it in person, but reading others storries on here and a lot of female experiences (when they were the dumper) i can clearly see the writing on the wall. i can only say, my girl is different so many times before you realize her actions are very similar to a lot of others. maybe a text "i need to know if there is any chance for us" she would respond. im not worried about that. and at least im not to emotionally investing myself as much as a in person or phone call. i already think and feel i know the answer In your case, I say call/text her asap. I think you're still looking for the final "NO" from her and you need that to fully move past this. Be prepared for the worst though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 forget it. as Caliguy once said, "you make your own closure" Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 forget it. as Caliguy once said, "you make your own closure" Some day McNutt, your shell be the High Priest of LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 forget it. as Caliguy once said, "you make your own closure" Yup. (apparently my response is too short for the system) Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 and btw i havent heard from my "friend" in 2 days. my buddy owed her $50 bucks and she wouldnt let up on it. i finally gave it to her (buddy paid me back) and I havent seen her since. I assume since her mom takes all her cash from work, she took it right to get some drugs. its hilarious because it makes such obvious sense (she wanted the money so bad!!, she wouldnt stop bugging us) and then i dont speak to her for 2 days after she was calling me everyday since i met her. i havent called or texted either but i dont really care to... Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 and btw i havent heard from my "friend" in 2 days. my buddy owed her $50 bucks and she wouldnt let up on it. i finally gave it to her (buddy paid me back) and I havent seen her since. I assume since her mom takes all her cash from work, she took it right to get some drugs. its hilarious because it makes such obvious sense (she wanted the money so bad!!, she wouldnt stop bugging us) and then i dont speak to her for 2 days after she was calling me everyday since i met her. i havent called or texted either but i dont really care to... My friend McNutt (and I say that with affection of one crazy man to another). You know your pining for a girl who was really never really existed, you had this vision of her in your head, a vision that was not reality and now your missing the fantasy. What happen to your relationship was inevitable becouse there was no relationship just a illusion of one, an illusions of one who was not there. No wonder you got "needy", you knew something was missing and that something was her. The person you was in love with was not there, was not her, no matter how hard you wanted to believe she was. If you made any "mistake" at all, it is you fell in love with the person she could have been rather then the person she was. Now your not trying to get over a break up, your trying to get over a dream. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 My friend McNutt (and I say that with affection of one crazy man to another). You know your pining for a girl who was really never really existed, you had this vision of her in your head, a vision that was not reality and now your missing the fantasy. What happen to your relationship was inevitable becouse there was no relationship just a illusion of one, an illusions of one who was not there. No wonder you got "needy", you knew something was missing and that something was her. The person you was in love with was not there, was not her, no matter how hard you wanted to believe she was. If you made any "mistake" at all, it is you fell in love with the person she could have been rather then the person she was. Now your not trying to get over a break up, your trying to get over a dream. Hits the nail on the head, right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 i would agree with a lot of that. where did that come from? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 and i mean how did you deduct that? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 First you tell me how you think I did. Link to post Share on other sites
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