pie2 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi. I'm new here, but have a pressing question. I would really appreciate your advice. Here is the situation: 9 years ago I had my first love. We met abroad and had an intimate relationship for one year. I had to move back home to my country, so the relationship ended. We were both in college and not ready to make a commitment. I was so sad...for a long time. We spoke for awhile, but I think it was so painful, that we had to stop. He knew I was in so much pain, and I don't think he could take it (that's my perception anyway). By the time we were both out of college, life had taken us on different paths. He never contacted me. Well, about 3 years later I wrote him a friendly email, to which he responded. He asked about me and my life. I wrote back. Two years after that, I wrote again. He also wrote back, again inquiring about how I was doing. But I didn't respond. I was in another relationship at the time (my only other relationship), but I think I wrote him because I was always still connected to him, and was trying to reach out for him. So two more years pass by, and I just wrote him again. And he wrote back. He immediately wanted to add me to Facebook. He told me I looked great. He was friendly as usual. But he was also a bit reserved, somehow. These things are probably trivial. But I'm confused, and I think I'm hoping there is something there. Could he still have feelings? If not, how did he move on? How do I move on? I can't let go. There was no fight, no other woman, no major problem. We just had life take us on differnt paths. Admittedly, people do often work for what they really want in life...but it does get complicated. - Do you think that his lack of initiation over the years shows he doesn't have a romantic interest? - Or could he be scared because I have acted cold at times? How would you approach him if you think he is scared? Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) I wouldn't approach him. Chances are he is distant because he is in love with someone else and will drop you in a heartbeat if she snaps her fingers. A pretty precarious position to be in. Edited November 20, 2009 by Edward10 Link to post Share on other sites
Edward10 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Mind you I have to admit that if there is a connection then you probably owe it to yourselves to see if there is unfinished business. Just because he has an ex doesn't mean she is part of his future. Depends if he has emotional room for you in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Well if you were in love like you say you were then you should be able to talk to him about it. Maybe not everything but just tell him that you have thought about him a lot over the last so many years. I would talk to him, find out about his life and what he is like now. He may not even be the person you used to love. People change sometimes and it can be dissapointing to learn someone isn't quite how they used to be. The other thing is whether he is willing to try a LDR. People usually are for or against it. You would have to see where he stands on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pie2 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate your understanding, and not making me feel like a fool. I know I feel like I'm acting like one! Your advice is excellent. It doesn't hurt to ask, we really did love each other. But you're right, people change. It would be nice to move out of this ambiguity, and to know one way or the other. When I first posted, it was an impulsive move. I went on to read more posts on this board, and soon discovered that my question is actually pretty common. So I appreciate the time you took to help one more lost soul Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts