silverfish Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I have a crazy neighbour who shouts and swears at people. He's been ok to me and my family mostly, but lately in the last last few weeks he's started 'targetting' my youngest son who is 9. He shouted and swore at him a few weeks ago and called him a 'little pri**k', then a few days ago he jabbed him in the chest and called him a f'ing little liar. Basically my son doesnt want to play with his kid - hardly surprising, he's just like Pa.....The son who is 6, then came to my house knocking on the door and running away all last evening So, last night I went round there to tell him and his wife that their kid is doing this, and also if they have a problem with my son, they need to talk to me 1st and stop yelling and swearing at him. He ended up slamming the door in my face. Today, my son is outside playing and the man came and sat next to him, then said 'don't mind me, you just carry on doing what you're doing'. This is obviously quite scary and intimidating and has freaked me out. I've had a few offers to 'sort him out' from male friends, but I don't think that would help. I am a single parent and I don't want to get into any ugly situations with this man. He does this to other people too not just us, but everyone sort of ignores it - even the ones with hefty Dads at home. If I call the police he'll know it was me, and it could make things worse for my son. I don't usually have a problem dealing with stuff, but I don't know what to do about this - any suggestions?
threebyfate Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Discuss it with your other neighbors and make this a community effort to call the cops and get this situation addressed.
wife Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Discuss it with your other neighbors and make this a community effort to call the cops and get this situation addressed. Awesome answer! I agree. But then again really who cares if he knows it was you? How will it affect your son? Will this effect your son because they won't let their kid play with him? Does your son have other friends? Will this effect be greater than the effects on your son by the man's behaviour? Guess you gotta think of what's more important for your son. Isn't there a law or something against what the neighbor is doing? Some sort of City Code violation or HOA thing? We can't change the things people do. But what we can change is the way we react, and the way we'd like to if the law allowed ;p
Author silverfish Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 Awesome answer! I agree. But then again really who cares if he knows it was you? How will it affect your son? Will this effect your son because they won't let their kid play with him? Does your son have other friends? Will this effect be greater than the effects on your son by the man's behaviour? Guess you gotta think of what's more important for your son. Isn't there a law or something against what the neighbor is doing? Some sort of City Code violation or HOA thing? We can't change the things people do. But what we can change is the way we react, and the way we'd like to if the law allowed ;p Yes I agree I have to do something about, but I can't see anyone else getting involved as they haven't already. It affects my son because he can't go out & play now without us all stressing about what this man will do next. He's already got a warning from the police for racially abusing another neighbour's son, so I guess I'll just have to call the police next time something happens. I just don't know if that's the smart thing to do, because him, his wife, and all his kids will basically give us a load of trouble if I do, and we all live in a really small place. I don't want to escalate the situation.
Devil Inside Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Yes I agree I have to do something about, but I can't see anyone else getting involved as they haven't already. It affects my son because he can't go out & play now without us all stressing about what this man will do next. He's already got a warning from the police for racially abusing another neighbour's son, so I guess I'll just have to call the police next time something happens. I just don't know if that's the smart thing to do, because him, his wife, and all his kids will basically give us a load of trouble if I do, and we all live in a really small place. I don't want to escalate the situation. This guy sounds like a real creep. I can understand why you hesitate to call the police, without some real evidence of a crime there is not a lot they can do put tell him to knock it off. You are anxious that this will just agitate him and his weird family more. I do think that eventually the police have to be called. This just can't carry on and it will help to build a record of reports. As it stands now, police or not, I am sure you really don't want your son outside unsupervised. I would start to document all your interactions with this guy. Anytime he is verbally or physically threatening with you or your son put down the time, place, and details of the event and have it handy for the cops when you do call. Good luck.
Ross PK Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I agree, ringing the police could make things worse for you. But I think if a hefty man sorts him out, and tells him to not bother you again, then he wont bother you again. It really seems like the best thing to consider.
Devil Inside Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I agree, ringing the police could make things worse for you. But I think if a hefty man sorts him out, and tells him to not bother you again, then he wont bother you again. It really seems like the best thing to consider. I have to admit...my first instinct would be to give this dickhead an elbow to the grill. However...I think she needs to consider all her options first. This dude may retaliate and he seems like a bully so he would do it by going after her son.
Ross PK Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) I have to admit...my first instinct would be to give this dickhead an elbow to the grill. However...I think she needs to consider all her options first. This dude may retaliate and he seems like a bully so he would do it by going after her son. Yeah it's not a risk she should take if there is too much of a risk, and I agree that this prick should get an an elbow to the grill. But I had the feeling if a bigger tougher guy goes round there, sorts him out, and tells him he'll come back if he goes near her again, she should be okay. But I guess only she knows how this prick is and how her friends that offered to help her out are, to have a decent idea of how it'd all play out. Edited November 20, 2009 by Ross PK
Lizzie60 Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 He does this to other people too not just us, but everyone sort of ignores it - even the ones with hefty Dads at home. See.. they ignore him.. so trying to put the whole community against him.. will be waste of energy... Also calling the police, if he hasn't done anything 'wrong' will only make things worst IMO... not a good idea.. UNLESS he does something and it's not just your word against his.. unless you have witness.. you need to build up a case.. note everything.. time, date, etc.. if you're close enough with your next door neighbour, maybe you can ask them if they had any trouble with this jerk.. and if they had.. what they did about it.. take your time.. If I were you I would simply tell my son to stay away from this creep.. if he's sitting outside and this jerk comes and sits next to him.. your son should just get up and leave.. he wants to intimidate.. just ignore him.. and let him intimidate 'nothing'.. I'm not saying to lock your son inside.. tell him to go out and play.. to just stay away from this creep...
donnamaybe Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 He shouted and swore at him a few weeks ago and called him a 'little pri**k', then a few days ago he jabbed him in the chest and called him a f'ing little liar. Are you serious that the above is NOT against the law where you live for an adult to do to a 9 year old - especially someone ELSE'S 9 year old child? He can put his hands on your kid and yell and swear at him, and that's A-OK with the law?
Author silverfish Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Are you serious that the above is NOT against the law where you live for an adult to do to a 9 year old - especially someone ELSE'S 9 year old child? He can put his hands on your kid and yell and swear at him, and that's A-OK with the law? Well. When I confronted him yesterday about this he said my son was lying again, or words to that effect. His wife was actually holding him back when I was speaking to him. The problem is I haven't really got anything conclusive on him yet. I have had offers to sort him out - thats all very well, but he knows I live on my own, and can get to me or my son and retaliate any time he likes, so that's not really an option. If I ring the police, I need to be sure that they will do something pretty serious. If they just go round and talk to him or whatever, it could just make things worse. I know this because that's what happened with him before, he got a caution and he laughs in the face every day of the people that reported him, and she doesn't let her son play out anymore. It's my son I'm worried about, although he's quite canny and well able to stand up for himself if he has to, and he's got a lot of mates who will stick with him as well.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 He shouted and swore at him a few weeks ago and called him a 'little pri**k', then a few days ago he jabbed him in the chest and called him a f'ing little liar Yes, call the police or go by the station, especially after reading he jabbed your son in the chest. And, since this guy is known to the cops already, there's ANOTHER reason put a complaint in.
Author silverfish Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Yes, call the police or go by the station, especially after reading he jabbed your son in the chest. And, since this guy is known to the cops already, there's ANOTHER reason put a complaint in. Yes I am going to do that tomorrow, and I'll get the police to tell him to stay away from my son and his mates. If he carries on after that, I'll go down the ass kicking route. Theres loads of people round here that would help me out if I as in trouble I think, plus, he's actually smaller than me... I'll let you know how it goes - thanks!
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 No, don't take it into your own hands..IF he ever gives you hassle or other problems, call 911. Hope all goes well.
freestyle Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Can you afford a surveillance system to catch him in the act? I'd do that if I was in that position. Then you could present the authorities with concrete evidence. Good luck, I know how stressful these situations can be, I've been through it myself in the past.
donnamaybe Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Can you afford a surveillance system to catch him in the act? I'd do that if I was in that position. Then you could present the authorities with concrete evidence.. This is exactly what I was going to recommend. You could even just have a camcorder in your hands and be at a window where you can see the situation first hand. Make sure your son has boundaries as to where he is allowed to play so you won't lose sight so you can catch everything on tape. You'll catch him. He sounds so crazy that he won't be able to keep himself from doing this enough times that you'll get some interesting footage.
Ariadne Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Well, This is how I would handle this situation.. I'd try and talk to this man somehow. Either when he is outside go wander outside, etc. I'd try and make friends and see what's going on with him. Then I'd tell my son that the man is a little strange and not to mess with him and stay away so that he won't get bothered. I'd trust children are intelligent and know how to interact better than adults can. And if I left my son outside and that man was there, I'd watch every second at first and if I saw things were getting tense, I'd call him in. And of course, if the 6 year old came to bang on the door, I'd invite him to the house and give him some food and drink and have a nice chat.
Ariadne Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 call the cops I'll just have to call the police next time the police have to be called. to build a record of reports call the police or go by the station call 911. a surveillance system... present the authorities with concrete evidence Typical. People can't even resolve their problems without calling the cops. There is going to be a time when we can all live in peace etc, but that is when all behave of course. In the mean time, bad people will get straightened by the cops.
donnamaybe Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 The OP is dealing with someone who sounds unstable. Good advice would NOT be for her to deal with him directly. That would be advice which, if taken, could wind her up in the hospital.
Ariadne Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 The OP is dealing with someone who sounds unstable. Good advice would NOT be for her to deal with him directly. That would be advice which, if taken, could wind her up in the hospital. And there is always the justification. People are never going to run out of justifications: She has to call the cops because it's a matter of safety.
donnamaybe Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 And there is always the justification. People are never going to run out of justifications: She has to call the cops because it's a matter of safety. Not justification. Common sense. Try it. It works quite well, actually.
Author silverfish Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Well, This is how I would handle this situation.. I'd try and talk to this man somehow. Either when he is outside go wander outside, etc. I'd try and make friends and see what's going on with him. Then I'd tell my son that the man is a little strange and not to mess with him and stay away so that he won't get bothered. I'd trust children are intelligent and know how to interact better than adults can. And if I left my son outside and that man was there, I'd watch every second at first and if I saw things were getting tense, I'd call him in. And of course, if the 6 year old came to bang on the door, I'd invite him to the house and give him some food and drink and have a nice chat. I did go and talk to him, and his wife had to hold him back as he was going for me. The next day he sat next to my son and his friends and said the whole 'don't mind me' thing. The first time he shouted and swore at him I did tell my son to stay away, and that he had to realise that there are some people that you need to learn to stay away from. He did stay away, but the man's 6 year old, and now his Dad always single out my son to 'blame' for whatever has happened. The mum started it too. They are obviously trying to provoke me or something, as I am own my own with my boys, and most other families have dads etc, they probably see me as an easy target. The previous woman they did this to : it started the day after her husband went away for 4 months. It's not practical for me to watch my son every second. I told him to film anything on his mobile that he finds uncomfortable. I'm not a big fan of calling the police either - I think it might make things worse. As it stands, nothing else has happened, but if it does, my ex is going to go round and talk to him, and I will call the police. As for the 6 year old, it's up to my son if at some point he wants to play with him, but he's never coming in my house again.
Meaplus3 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 WOW! It sounds like you have a rather crazy neighbor.. I have one of those too. This neighbors actions seem to be far out of the norm. Don't not take it upon yourself to confront him. Your best best is to get law inforcement officals involved. Sorry your going through this. Mea:)
Ariadne Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 As it stands, nothing else has happened, but if it does, my ex is going to go round and talk to him, and I will call the police. As for the 6 year old, it's up to my son if at some point he wants to play with him, but he's never coming in my house again. Yeah, just try and forget about it. Hopefully it won't get worse. Not sure if it's a good idea to go talk to him at his house, no wonder he got angry. I meant more casually. And the kid is only 6 years old, he can't be that bad. Good luck though.
donnamaybe Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Not sure if it's a good idea to go talk to him at his house, no wonder he got angry. I meant more casually. Are you serious? "No wonder he got angry?" You make it sound like it's the OP's fault that the guy was ready to put his hands on her! Does everyone get angry when people come to their house and talk with them? I know I don't, and I don't know anyone else who does. As for "casually" what did you expect? That she would extend a polite invitation for coffee at a local diner and he'd graciously accept and they could have a nice, civilized conversation? This guy is a nutjob. There is no amount of "normal" that would do any good. He's already been on the attack for another solitary female neighbor, and now he's focusing all his disgusting, psychotic attention on Silverfish. He needs to be put somewhere with bars on the doors and windows, and not necessarily jail.
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