Why humans can say never

[threebyfate]

It was never intended to be revenge. I would never set out to just have an affiar out of revenge. It was more of a needs thing. It helped me heal from the most devastating thing i have ever been thru. I have to say no one ever knew or was hurt by it. This was many years ago.

Think long and hard about the revenge aspect and need. You could have done a lot of other things but chose to return the favour, in a passive-aggressive manner.

[Fallen Angel]

In fact,

 

In my previous job, they had young women and men alone "sharing offices".

 

And they'd come to work and close the door and spend the day there.

 

If you put people in situations like these, is like asking for sexual arousal to happen. And of course, for long personal confessions.

 

To me it seemed very unnatural.

 

Even I could sense guys getting aroused when I was alone in the room with them.

 

So you think there can not be platonic relationships between men and women who spend a lot of time together, simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

That is just silly. I have spent plenty of time alone with many men, and never once did simple proximity cause me to have a relationship with them.

[Ariadne]

So you think there can not be platonic relationships between men and women who spend a lot of time together, simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

That is just silly. I have spent plenty of time alone with many men, and never once did simple proximity cause me to have a relationship with them.

 

Is like this: People, you know the right thing to do, just say no.

 

Now that we are clear... let's put hot, smart, Deborah and MM Tony in a room alone all day for months and see what happens.

 

This is kind of the experiment people in offices go through today, and then they expect no affairs to happen.

 

I'd say it's inevitable.

[Ariadne]

So despite not knowing every one of the 7 billion people in this world you are convinced that they all have the potential to engage in an affair?

 

Everyone is capable of doing something so particular? How far do we take this? What else is everyone capable of doing? We could really take this to the ridiculous and hang around there for a while.

 

No, anyone is not capable of anything.

 

But nobody owns the future. Anything can happen.

[justforfun]

No, anyone is not capable of anything.

 

But nobody owns the future. Anything can happen.

 

Anything can happen. Well that's not strictly speaking true. But it is a statement made to help the everday person grasp the concept of the vastness of the universe. As in, the universe is so vast and infinite that it would be impossible to calculate every combination of events that can take place because the number of variables is too infinite.

 

But, speaking in specifics. Anything can happen is not true. For example. My desk cannot turn into Jello. I cannot grow another arm. My sexual orientation cannot change.

 

Some people are just more able to control their responses in a given situation. So some people can say they would never have an affair and know absolutely that they would not.

 

It's not like it's an impulse action. It doesn't just happen in the blink of an eye and you look back and say, what happened.

 

It's a long series of steps. Each one requiring the person getting involved to accept that stage as okay with them before they move onto the next stage. Some people are oblivious to those stages and move through them as though they didn't exist. Some people have the ability at any stage to stop and say that this action is not something they wish to engage in.

[RedDevil66]

Is like this: People, you know the right thing to do, just say no.

 

Now that we are clear... let's put hot, smart, Deborah and MM Tony in a room alone all day for months and see what happens.

 

This is kind of the experiment people in offices go through today, and then they expect no affairs to happen.

 

I'd say it's inevitable.

 

I've worked with ONLY men for the last 13 yrs. I'm a hottie and get TONS of men staring at me all day. I work with hot men who are single.

Yet oddly, I never once in my life had an affair with anyone I work with.

 

BUT I will say this, most affairs are started at work. People who are desperate conduct in this sort of play.

I also think people should be fired for screwing around at work.

[RedDevil66]

No, anyone is not capable of anything.

 

But nobody owns the future. Anything can happen.

 

I own my future. I cannot control outside forces but I can control my choices

[Ariadne]

I own my future. I cannot control outside forces but I can control my choices

 

Yes, you can control your choices but these may change. You are not thinking about that.

[donnamaybe]

I also don't think a person thinks one day, "Hmmm... I think one day I'll just go ahead and be a stalker." But some people are more prone to certain behaviors than others, and some folks are aware whether they have a certain proclivity or more willpower than average or a particular set of rules for themselves they aren't willing to compromise on or whatever.

[RedDevil66]

Yes, you can control your choices but these may change. You are not thinking about that.

 

You're right, they can change if the person develops a mental illness or gets a head injury, but it will never change as long as the person is cognitively healthy

[RedDevil66]

I also don't think a person thinks one day, "Hmmm... I think one day I'll just go ahead and be a stalker." But some people are more prone to certain behaviors than others, and some folks are aware whether they have a certain proclivity or more willpower than average or a particular set of rules for themselves they aren't willing to compromise on or whatever.

 

Very true........

[herenow]

Just to clarify the reason for this post. This was in response to a comment made on another thread. I didn't post my opinion in that thread because the comment was off topic. I promised Tony I would not go off topic, even if I was responding to an off topic post. It would have been much easier to just make a comment on that thread, but I like to keep my promises.

 

Like many have said, this is my opinion. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. What a boring world this would be if everyone agreed on everything.

 

If anyone takes away the idea that because I say I will never have an affair, I'm a better person, that is your opinion. I don't know any of you IRL, so I can't say who you are or what you believe in. Even if I did know you, I would never tell you how to feel or what to do. Your actions are your own as my actions are mine.

 

To answer the person who questioned my husband being human or humane. Even my H will tell you that he wasn't being humane during his affair. He has admitted that his actions were selfish and hurtful to everyone involved. He was human, but not humane. As I have said many times on LS, he is taking steps to be a better person. Not for me or our family, for himself.

 

All of us are human, but it takes something more to be humane. Again, I don't know any of you, so who am I to tell you if you are humane or not? That is for you to decide for yourself.

[herenow]

I just read all of the posts in this thread. I find it interesting that by claiming I will never have an affair, I'm saying I'm perfect and above all others.

 

Yes, I did infer that affairs are inhumane. I believe that to be true. Not just for the BW, but for the OW as well. I have seen many OW endure pain. Many OW have cursed the day they met the MM. I have read about many OW looking for closure because the MM suddenly disappears. Many OW who can't sleep or eat because the hurt from an affair is so deep. Are you telling me that is humane?

 

If an OW in pain posted that she felt her affair was inhumane, would you say she was wrong?

 

I do think that there is a difference between being a human and being humane, and I will continue to believe that affairs are inhumane simply because of the pain they can cause for all involved. In conclusion, I would never volunteer for that kind of pain. And I would never knowingly be a part of something that could be so painful to others. If you feel that makes me a better person, so be it. JMO

 

PS - When I say "you", I mean the general you.

Edited November 23, 2009 by herenow

[ladydesigner]

I have to agree that A's are inhumane. I myself have had one and my H has had numerous (I think). To cause any human to endure heavy pain, pain that takes your breath away, pain that causes you to not want to live another day, pain that causes you not to enjoy life... is inhumane. I was inhumane to my H as he was to me as my XOM was to me. Many lessons were learned from these acts of being inhumane. It is all hindsight now. I can only move forward in my acts of kindness. i know now that I would never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone again. I would never want my children to endure the pain that I have inflicted or has been inflicted upon me.

[herenow]

I have to agree that A's are inhumane. I myself have had one and my H has had numerous (I think). To cause any human to endure heavy pain, pain that takes your breath away, pain that causes you to not want to live another day, pain that causes you not to enjoy life... is inhumane. I was inhumane to my H as he was to me as my XOM was to me. Many lessons were learned from these acts of being inhumane. It is all hindsight now. I can only move forward in my acts of kindness. i know now that I would never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone again. I would never want my children to endure the pain that I have inflicted or has been inflicted upon me.

 

Yes and saying how you feel doesn't mean you are dwelling in the past. In your case, it means that you are looking forward to a bright future.

Edited November 23, 2009 by herenow

[Impudent Oyster]

First, I would leave my H if I felt I wanted to be with an OM. Second, if I were single, I could never be interested in a MM who would cheat on his wife. That would be a huge turn off in every way.

 

 

ABSOLUTELY.

 

When I was a working professional like most women, I got hit on constantly, especially by married men, and the instant I did, it was a complete TURN OFF.

 

Even if I liked and respected the man before then, I became offended and disgusted. Offended at the thought that he would think I was that kind of woman, and disgusted by a man who would disrespect me and cheat on his wife, so I can say with absolute certainty that I would never cheat.

 

I remember very well the reaction I had to flirty married men, and honestly it was visceral. They made me sick and I instantly lost all respect for them.

 

One Christmas party a man I worked with bought me a necklace and bracelet, boy was I furious. This was not a grab bag and no one was exchanging gifts. I told him to take it back or I would give it to his wife so she could return it. Creep.

 

Now I know there is a certain type of woman who would be flattered, would have kept the gift and probably would have gotten involved with him...I so don't get that. That person would never be me.

[Impudent Oyster]

OW believe whatever they are told.

 

They would have to, otherwise they would never be OW.

 

Fact.

[Impudent Oyster]

My MM was one of those who said he would NEVER have an affair. He has had to revise this.

 

I believe what happened to us happens to many. We were once highschool sweethearts. The love was already there.

 

Is he divorced yet?

 

If not, what's he waiting for?

[herenow]

I have to say that there must be people in this world who get a divorce when they realize they are attracted to other people. I'm sure there are many such people, in the over 50% of marriages that have ended in divorce, that have done just that.

 

Not everyone who finds themselves in the position of being married and interested in an OP has an affair. There are other ways of handling such a situation.

[jennie-jennie]

I have to say that there must be people in this world who get a divorce when they realize they are attracted to other people. I'm sure there are many such people, in the over 50% of marriages that have ended in divorce, that have done just that.

 

Not everyone who finds themselves in the position of being married and interested in an OP has an affair. There are other ways of handling such a situation.

 

I did that. I just was naive enough not to realize that there existed men who would be as in love with me as my MM was and not leave his wife. When I finally realized that I was way too deeply involved.

[herenow]

I did that. I just was naive enough not to realize that there existed men who would be as in love with me as my MM was and not leave his wife. When I finally realized that I was way too deeply involved.

 

What did you do when you realized that he would not leave his wife?

[bentnotbroken]

What did you do when you realized that he would not leave his wife?

 

 

Nothing, she said she was in too deep.

[Virgo1982]

They would have to, otherwise they would never be OW.

 

Fact.

 

If that's a fact then all BS's who stay with WS's believe whatever they are told and I'm sure you don't believe that. I know I don't.

[fooled once]

Is like this: People, you know the right thing to do, just say no.

 

Now that we are clear... let's put hot, smart, Deborah and MM Tony in a room alone all day for months and see what happens.

 

This is kind of the experiment people in offices go through today, and then they expect no affairs to happen.

 

I'd say it's inevitable.

Sorry but that is just so silly to me.

 

I have worked with men, in close proximity, all my adult life. Never have I felt the urge to have sex with them. Some were even cute too But just because the opposite sex works together doesn't mean they want to jump each other.

[fooled once]

Anything can happen. Well that's not strictly speaking true. But it is a statement made to help the everday person grasp the concept of the vastness of the universe. As in, the universe is so vast and infinite that it would be impossible to calculate every combination of events that can take place because the number of variables is too infinite.

 

But, speaking in specifics. Anything can happen is not true. For example. My desk cannot turn into Jello. I cannot grow another arm. My sexual orientation cannot change.

 

Some people are just more able to control their responses in a given situation. So some people can say they would never have an affair and know absolutely that they would not.

 

It's not like it's an impulse action. It doesn't just happen in the blink of an eye and you look back and say, what happened.

 

It's a long series of steps. Each one requiring the person getting involved to accept that stage as okay with them before they move onto the next stage. Some people are oblivious to those stages and move through them as though they didn't exist. Some people have the ability at any stage to stop and say that this action is not something they wish to engage in .

 

I absolutely agree!!!!