penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I have this friend. She's cool and nice.... But all guys hate her! Theres not one guy that has ever said anything nice about her. Shes not a bitch or a slut and shes not ugly.... What can she possibly be doing to screw herself over so much? We start hanging out with some guy(s) she likes and there has been only one or two times that they didnt ask me out or try to hook up with me. Its killing her and me too. I dont do it on purpose. I dont even flirt with them and my whole body is not exposed. I ask them why they like me and they say Im cool and crazy not like most girls. I think she is more of this way than I am. What are both of us supposed to deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Sounds like groupthink to me. It's like when somebody becomes the person to pick on in school. Or hating Barry Manilow. A few people do it, and then everyone does it because they want to be like everyone else. Just another sick aspect of humanity. What to do? Find new people to hang out with who don't behave that disgustingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 She's my friend. she doesnt act disgusting. Its the guys that do. And who says we still talk to them after they do that. I couldnt do that to her. It would hurt her too much. But we cant completely avoid guys just because (theyre being like everyone else). Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I believe that she meant "the guys", not your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 The guys arent my friends. They try to get with me knowing full well that my friend has been after them for quite some time. Im not saying that they're entitled to date her, but they shouldnt try with me if thats the case. I dont see what she does so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Yes. I meant the guys. Look. She hasn't done anything wrong. They just decided to pick on somebody and picked her. You don't do anything wrong for idiots to do this. They just do. If it were me, I would not want anything to do with the guys. We start hanging out with some guy(s) Don't hang out with them. AT ALL. Hang out with other people. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Maybe they are trying to break her down in an effort to make her more accessible. Maybe I’m giving the guys too much credit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 Yeah but we start to hang out with them before we know theyre like that. Everything changes we they do stuff like that. How are we supposed to know how people are before we are even by them? We give people a chance. I dont see anything wrong with that. Once they mess it up, thats when we know. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 What it could be is that the guys maybe had tried to get with her and she shot them down, so they feel that they have to dog her. Kind of like that fairy tale story about the wolf who couldn't reach the grapes. He couldn't reach them, so he assumed that they were sour anyway!!! You are talking about how you and your friend don't know how people are until you start hanging with them. Well, now you know!!! You and your friend need to find a new crowd to hang out with!!! --Viv-- Link to post Share on other sites
Author penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 Thats not true. She would not reject a guy she likes and she would definetly tell me if anyone asked her out. Throughout this thing I have Not been talking about one specific group of guys and some time it isnt a group either. "We start to hang out with some guy(s) she likes" What I meant is we try to get to know the person she wants to go out with. And you say to get a new group of friends. Well, we have to whenever this happens. So she makes enemies with some new guy(s) every week or so. That worries me. She likes people way too fast and without knowing much about them. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 i'm unclear on the nature of the problem, exactly. any guy who make those kind of judement about her behind her back is not worthy of consideration in any event. this is a screening tool: who wants to be with a boy gossip? or any gossip, for that matter. is it possible that these guys dog on her to to manipulate your vanity? for example, you like how cool and crazy you are thought to be, and you mentioned a couple of times how much they like you but not her. i think it would be hard not to be flattered by this. but i'm assuming you hang up on them and ditch them completely once they have done this? your friend does not have a problem. these guys are simply not high caliber men. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Why don't you be a good friend to her by talking through it and trying to pin-point the problem. It sounds to me like someone is 'black balling' her behind her back.....to feel more popular than she is. It's funny how that can happen sometimes....and from a person you least suspect. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I ask them why they like me and they say Im cool and crazy not like most girls. I think she is more of this way than I am. First how about not talking about her to these guys behind her back.... why would you need to ask a guy these questions anyways..... when they ask you out and you know they treat her like crap.... walk away... dont be striking up conversation with them..... especially if its a question of "why do you like me?" try being honorable to your friend....... What can she possibly be doing to screw herself over so much? SHES not the one screwing herself over...... I dont do it on purpose. u dont do what on purpose? you dont talk to these guys about her behind her back intentionally?. it just happens..... it just slips out of your mouth by mistake...... do your friend a favor...... ask her to not tell you which one she likes.... that way you dont risk of not purposely asking them why they like you so much and it just may give her a chance..... Link to post Share on other sites
lipglossboost Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by penguinluv That worries me. She likes people way too fast and without knowing much about them. You may have said it right there ... is your friend acting too obvious, whereas you act like you couldn't care less, and that is what attracts them? Ever hear the expression, 'people want what the can't have'? Perhaps your friend seems too desperate to them, (and who wouldn't be after being treated like that by someone she is interested in,) and they are attracted to your take-them-or-leave-them attitude. I do think it may also be a good idea to find a new group of people for you and your friend to hang around with, although males generally do not mature as fast as females, so any male in your age group may not be able to grasp the concept of acting like anything other than a testosterone driven jack@ss. I hope you and your friend will be able to find a more positive group of people to hang out with. In the meantime, let your friend know what you have said here ... that you care about her and that she is a worthwhile and special person. Even though she is looking for male attention, it is still important to hear that from a friend. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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