well, it sucks(very longg)..

[alexisc]

I'll start this with saying that I'm only 18 years old. I come from a background with a single mother who had a few boyfriends that always got too involved. From about the time I was 12 can I remember that my mom started abusing anxiety medication and at times was basically out of her mind in a drug stupor. Thats that.

 

When I was 15(virgin) I met someone who was 25. Somehow we just became inseperable. I mean.. we realllllllyy cared for eachother. He stuck with me through my mothers hostilities. About 6 months into our relationship he told me that he kissed a girl. For some reason I decided to not even let that phase me a bit(I mean, thats just how much I was in love with him). THEN I got pregnant. I dropped out at the end of freshman year with a 3.8. I delivered 5 months before I turned 17 and moved in with him at his moms house.

 

After that, I started finding out that he was using myspace and yahoo ALOT to talk 'nasty' to other girls. Combined with my self-image problems after my csection... this proved to be devastating to me, and I really just lost pretty much all trust for him. We started fighting alot and I started becoming a very angry person at times. This caused me to be kicked out of there a few weeks ago with my 2 year old.

 

Back to pill abusing bipolar moms house. Somehow through all of this we still manage to plan on working things out and getting an apartment. Two days ago in the middle of the night my mom checked herself in a mental hospital without even telling us.. leaving her controlling bf behind to call and harass me+my sister about 'the things we need to be doing'.

 

And then last night happened

An old friend from highschool showed up at my house. There's always been alittle love connection with us but I never let anything happen because I was with Mike. I dont know WTF happened.. but I got alittle out of control and had sex with him. I feel reallllllllyyy terrible for both dudes really. I can't see myself without a life with Mike.. but now look at what I've done!! I just felt sick to my stomach after we did it. Not that it was his fault at all.. I just couldnt believe myself. I dont even know how I'm going to talk to Mike and I'm sooo confused on whether or not we should even be together.

[Javelin]

First of all, live your life and stop blaming others for YOUR problems.

 

Yes, you come from a messed up home which can be devestating, but there is always help out there. You just have to ask for it and utilize it to the best of your abilities. Second, stop making decisions based upon yourself. You and Mike have a child together, your child is now your priority, unless you want him/her to grow up the same way that you did.

 

I think what you need to do is leave guys alone, including Mike, until you can financially support yourself and your child. Also, let Mike know what happened with this other guy and explain to him how you feel about the relationship. Remember, you're only 18, which means that you dropped out of high school just over 2 years ago? I would suggest picking up where you left off and building your education from there. At least this way you still have a shot at a decent life for new family.

[jerseyboy]

You've been abused by a 25 yr (at the time) old pedophile loser still living with his mom while knocking on 30, who kncoked you up, leaves you with a child, and so terribly complicated your life extricating yourself from this situation, especially given the lack of home support, will be a trial at best.

 

Hon, is there any actual adult in your family you can turn to for help? An uncle,aunt, grandparent, anyone?

 

Please child extricate yoruself from this guy, your mom, this entire dynamic you have going on before reality no longer gives you the opportunity to do so.

 

You need to get birth control if you havent already. Not a condom, get yoruself on some extended form of birth control so another poor choice doesnt compound your situation.

 

You need to get your GED. It wont be easy but its possible. Apply for whatever beneftis your state has to offer. Cut off all contact with this scumbag. Then sit down with a career counselor and figure out some way to acquire skills that other people want and will pay for whiel availing yourself of whatever chbild care you can.

 

If you have a relative, get on your knees if you need to, and beg their help. Let them set rules for you, restrictions on your behavior, until you are at a point to begin caring for yourself and your child independently.

[alexisc]

Well it's unfortunate that people are so quick to jump the gun on judging me. I didnt mention that my mom pulled me out of school in 4th grade and I didn't return until 9th. I missed all those grades in between and still managed to work hard enough to pull off a 3.8 gpa. It was justmessed up that I made some mistakes when I was younger(even if not by much). I am enrolled in GED classes online. It's not exactly easy to be consistent with the classes at the moment because of my son's young age and a temporary setback of an eye surgery that I had recently. I've actually managed to get a pretty reliable car that I'm learning to drive. Again there were minor setbacks with that too because my vision was having problems for alittle bit.

 

I just have to take things one step at a time. I went on here just to write out what was bothering me because I was feeling kind of depressed. I guess I would be better off getting a journal.. sorry. But I am a good mom. I've spent every day of Elias(my son)' life with him, breastfed him for the first year of his life. He is a very smart little boy and I spend alot of time working with him. That means alot and I don't think anybody should underestimate that.

Edited November 21, 2009 by alexisc

[jerseyboy]

Well it's unfortunate that people are so quick to jump the gun on judging me. I didnt mention that my mom pulled me out of school in 4th grade and I didn't return until 9th. I missed all those grades in between and still managed to work hard enough to pull off a 3.8 gpa. It was justmessed up that I made some mistakes when I was younger(even if not by much). I am enrolled in GED classes online. It's not exactly easy to be consistent with the classes at the moment because of my son's young age and a temporary setback of an eye surgery that I had recently. I've actually managed to get a pretty reliable car that I'm learning to drive. Again there were minor setbacks with that too because my vision was having problems for alittle bit.

 

I just have to take things one step at a time. I went on here just to write out what was bothering me because I was feeling kind of depressed. I guess I would be better off getting a journal.. sorry. But I am a good mom. I've spent every day of Elias(my son)' life with him, breastfed him for the first year of his life. He is a very smart little boy and I spend alot of time working with him. That means alot and I don't think anybody should underestimate that.

 

 

Not judging you or your son sweetie. My heart is bleeding for you.

 

Your perspective on whats going on right now is flawed. Others looking in are aghast for yoru sake and hoping something/someone saves this girl.

 

You dont appear able of even discerning just how tragic what is happening is, which is common for those actually involved.

[lostsunsets]

Alexisc, I sense concern not judgment. You need to learn to tell the difference. The part about mike being a pedophile is true. your childhood leaves you very vulnerable to what just happened with your friend. Please get norplant or something.