Mayosh53 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 My story is that i love a guy sooooooooo much, and i really want to get marry from him ... from the beginning we have something special, and from the first time i felt like i know this guy for long time.... we have been 2 years almost. our relationship is so serious. however, my problem is wit my parents!! they are so strict wit cultures and status pla pla pla ... am a good daughter and i used to do what they want , but not anymore.... i told my mom first , and she refuses him. i tried to explain to her but she insisted on her response without giving me any chance. my dad doesnt know yet because if i convince my mom first, she will influences on him easily. during these dayzz she ignores me like am not here , she doesnt talk to me and so on ... i really dont wanna hurt them or marry that guy without their permission!! so am really confused and i dont know what to do i cant live without that guy either i cant hurt them... now am trying to get over this and to become calm.. but that wont remain so long ! finally , am here to give me advices and hopes for my situation Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 hi, i'm so sorry that you are going through this situation. it sounds like you are still trying to please your parents and that is understandable, but at some point in your life you have to do what makes you happy especially if you feel you will be happy and treated well with this guy. specifically why do your parents not like your guy? perhaps you could tell your mother that you need to sit down and speak with her one on one.if she doesn't respond write her a letter and make sure she gets it. tell her how much you respect she and your father, but you are an adult now and you want to follow your heart and be with this guy you're in love with. you could tell her that you don't want to hurt her and that you DO want her blessing with your marriage, but you are following your heart and that is not a crime. you will be there if she wants to talk. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayosh53 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 My story is that i love a guy sooooooooo much, and i really want to get marry from him ... from the beginning we have something special, and from the first time i felt like i know this guy for long time.... we have been 2 years almost. our relationship is so serious. however, my problem is wit my parents!! they are so strict wit cultures and status pla pla pla ... am a good daughter and i used to do what they want , but not anymore.... i told my mom first , and she refuses him. i tried to explain to her but she insisted on her response without giving me any chance. my dad doesnt know yet because if i convince my mom first, she will influences on him easily. during these dayzz she ignores me like am not here , she doesnt talk to me and so on ... i really dont wanna hurt them or marry that guy without their permission!! so am really confused and i dont know what to do i cant live without that guy either i cant hurt them... now am trying to get over this and to become calm.. but that wont remain so long ! finally , am here to give me advices and hopes for my situation ohhhh really thnxx (Muse) for ur advice. you know till now i didnt open a conversation wit my mom coz i dont used to talk wit her, so it kinda difficult!! but i talk to her as nothing happened , yesterday i kissed her while she was talking on her mobile ( looolz to take my chance).there is something else, i knw if i would face this i will become anger coz she didnt give a chance or think of what i want. and i afraid to make it bigger , thats why i leave it for the time!! and about the reason IS ABOUT NATIONALITY !! even our two countries are neighbors, but u knw the differences are about the customs only. so it's not that far or totally different. therefore, my parents are traditional in these stuff! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayosh53 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 hi, i'm so sorry that you are going through this situation. it sounds like you are still trying to please your parents and that is understandable, but at some point in your life you have to do what makes you happy especially if you feel you will be happy and treated well with this guy. specifically why do your parents not like your guy? perhaps you could tell your mother that you need to sit down and speak with her one on one.if she doesn't respond write her a letter and make sure she gets it. tell her how much you respect she and your father, but you are an adult now and you want to follow your heart and be with this guy you're in love with. you could tell her that you don't want to hurt her and that you DO want her blessing with your marriage, but you are following your heart and that is not a crime. you will be there if she wants to talk. good luck! ohhhh really thnxx (Muse) for ur advice. you know till now i didnt open a conversation wit my mom coz i dont used to talk wit her, so it kinda difficult!! but i talk to her as nothing happened , yesterday i kissed her while she was talking on her mobile ( looolz to take my chance).there is something else, i knw if i would face this i will become anger coz she didnt give a chance or think of what i want. and i afraid to make it bigger , thats why i leave it for the time!! and about the reason IS ABOUT NATIONALITY !! even our two countries are neighbors, but u knw the differences are about the customs only. so it's not that far or totally different. therefore, my parents are traditional in these stuff! Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 To have a better understanding of your mom's concerns: 1. how old are you? 2. how old is fiance? 3. are you going to school/working? what are your goals? 4. is he going to school/working? what are his goals? 5. if you could guess what your mom's concern is (other than race/culture/nationality/religion) - what is going through her mind do you think? What has your fiance told you about what he wants and what future he thinks you both have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayosh53 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 To have a better understanding of your mom's concerns: 1. how old are you? 2. how old is fiance? 3. are you going to school/working? what are your goals? 4. is he going to school/working? what are his goals? 5. if you could guess what your mom's concern is (other than race/culture/nationality/religion) - what is going through her mind do you think? What has your fiance told you about what he wants and what future he thinks you both have? yeaaaah i thought of these points but she sticks with the nationality thing !!and she concerns about the society and ppl around us .. coz she always says to ppl who wanna get engaged that she doesnt accept any other races. me and my BF alwayz talk about our future especially after these problems happened and he wont let me go!! the thing that annoys me is IF he would be as my nationality my mom would not refuse him , she may see him to know him better. so did u get my point ? thats why i wont let anything break my relationship and at the same time as i said i wont hurt my family. i feel down somhow thats why i shared my story with u guyz to support me with ur advices Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I think that Boundary Person had some good questions for you to think about; it might be helpful if you were to answer them so that we can sort of "see" into your mom's mind better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayosh53 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 I think that Boundary Person had some good questions for you to think about; it might be helpful if you were to answer them so that we can sort of "see" into your mom's mind better. yeah i knw but what if i say that she didnt ask me about his age or what his status is!! he is the same as my age, and i dont care about the age unless he is independent and ambitious person. in addition, he is mature. he thinks more steps forward about our future, and feels me good about him. anyway i wont do anything now , i will leave it for the time , and about my mom i will get over her ignorance for me, coz i wont anything feels me down! Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 If you aren't comfortable answering the questions then that is fine. You should run through the analysis yourself and try and take a step back. If you think your mom is a good person and she has reservations, then that is something serious to consider. My parents didn't want me to marry my first husband and I wish I had listened to them. They were right. It was doomed to fail. Sometimes the people around us see more than we do when we are in the eye of the hurricane. But if you are anything like me, we are stubbon and just do our own thing anyways. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mayosh53 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 If you aren't comfortable answering the questions then that is fine. You should run through the analysis yourself and try and take a step back. If you think your mom is a good person and she has reservations, then that is something serious to consider. My parents didn't want me to marry my first husband and I wish I had listened to them. They were right. It was doomed to fail. Sometimes the people around us see more than we do when we are in the eye of the hurricane. But if you are anything like me, we are stubbon and just do our own thing anyways. I wish you luck. i know but they or she didnt see or know him yet to judge him.thats why i feel annoyed. i knw somtimes we are wrong but at the same time our parents could be wrong too. thnxx so much sweety for ur advices , and i hope everything will be fine. wish u luck too Link to post Share on other sites
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