rayray8800 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm new in town and met a very charming young lady at an art gallery. I just found out she's 20 years old. I'm 40. But we really hit it off and I think we're both into each other. Any advice?
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Have fun. Wear your seatbelt. Try not to let her wrap you around her finger.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Seek counseling and try and determine why you would seriously consider suchn a thing. Not being mean. I get the attraction. Im sure shes lovely. But what in your personality, whether it be narcicismor masochism etc.,that would lead you to actually follow through on it. Where the cost benefit makes it appear worthwhile. Id add this. Im close to your age. I get that a lot of young girls have that older guy thing, especially at right about her age. Whether it be a trophy bf to impress her gf's with, or unresolved daddy issues. I also get that it can be painful to resist. But doesnt some part of you call out that hey Im the adult here, I get whats going on, and a decent person would nip it now and do this girl a good turn
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Invite her out for a few drinks and see how you it it off.
Jersey Shortie Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 (edited) Your hitting 40 and having a mid-life crisis. You want to bang some young chick because you think by association of being with a young woman, that makes you young too, thus denying your increasing age. My advice? I don't think you are really looking for advice. You are going to do what you want to do. So have fun with her or don't. Who cares? You're are just another old guy that thinks he deserves to have a younger woman and think that makes him more of a man. Edited November 22, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
RedDevil66 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Buy a fast car. There is less drama and heartache with the car!
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Gees. I don't know why people need to be so harsh about the age difference. It's not that big of a deal. I was married to a man 15 years older and I'm dating a guy right now 14 years older. Two that I have been most compatible with, in spite of other people frowning on it. OP - ignore the naysayers. As long as you two are compatible, it doesn't freaking matter - the age. I say go for it.
Thornton Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 There's another thread on this forum right now, and the OP is a young lady who is dating an older man. She was happy with the relationship when she was younger, but now she's mid-20s and a bit more mature she's reconsidering the relationship and wondering whether she would prefer a younger man. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209016/ Whether you should proceed with this young lady depends on what you want out of the relationship. If you just want a fling then by all means proceed, but if you want a serious and lasting relationship I'd advise looking for a woman closer to your own age. If you do decide to proceed then please bear her youth and probable inexperience in mind. When I was 19-20-ish a much older man asked me on a date, and during our subsequent relationship he used my inexperience and the fact that I trusted him to push me into doing things for his sexual gratification; things which I wouldn't have done without his coercion. Ten years later I still have issues relating to what happened; I would hate to see the same happen to the young lady you just met, and I trust that you would treat her with the appropriate respect if you did decide to embark upon a relationship.
always_searching Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I suppose part of my reply would depend on whether you are looking for a long-term relationship or not. If yes, then you may want to think about it before getting involved with someone half your age, as she may be flighty. If no, then why not? All things equal: you both are consensual adults. Midlife crisis or not, I say go for it.
A O Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 But what in your personality, whether it be narcicismor masochism etc.,that would lead you to actually follow through on it. Where the cost benefit makes it appear worthwhile. I became an adult student in my mid to late 30's. Prior to then, people under 30 were barely noticeable to me, people closer to 20 than 30, didn't exist in my book. But that all changed when I became a student. I went out with quite a few youngsters back then, all of em had as much intelligence, emotional and intellectual as anything my age or older. But my real point here is that through having these experiences, it just made me appreciate even more, women my own age and older. .
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Gees. I don't know why people need to be so harsh about the age difference. It's not that big of a deal. I was married to a man 15 years older and I'm dating a guy right now 14 years older. Two that I have been most compatible with, in spite of other people frowning on it. OP - ignore the naysayers. As long as you two are compatible, it doesn't freaking matter - the age. I say go for it. How old are you? I'd say age is important. Consenting adult by law or not, 20 is still a child, on the adult side of that but still a child. I have a 21 year old daughter at 45 and would do anything in my power to keep a 40 year old man away from her. There is a big difference in stages of life and there will continue to be as well.
always_searching Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 How old are you? I'd say age is important. Consenting adult by law or not, 20 is still a child, on the adult side of that but still a child. I have a 21 year old daughter at 45 and would do anything in my power to keep a 40 year old man away from her. There is a big difference in stages of life and there will continue to be as well. Some 40 year old men are more "child-like" than some 20 year old women... I think "consenting" really relies heavily upon "emotional age" versus "actual age." Granted, life experience can greatly alter "emotional age," I still say that there are some young people who are vastly more mature than some older people. I should note that I'm still a law-abiding citizen: regardless of maturity, anything under 18 is a big fat no-no!
Boundary Problem Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I have a 21 year old daughter at 45 and would do anything in my power to keep a 40 year old man away from her. There is a big difference in stages of life and there will continue to be as well. My parents live in a retirement community and the couples where the husband is 20 yrs older than the wife......not so happy households. He can barely get out of the house, and she is still young. But suit yourself.
Sam Spade Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 When I was 19-20-ish a much older man asked me on a date, and during our subsequent relationship he used my inexperience and the fact that I trusted him to push me into doing things for his sexual gratification; things which I wouldn't have done without his coercion. Things like what? No need for gory details, I just wonder what was off, within or not the confines of conventional sex.
Sam Spade Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm only 32, and already have trouble imagining relating to a 20 year old (unless we're talking about a silent shag in the bathroom, in which case no problem).
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 How old are you? I'd say age is important. Consenting adult by law or not, 20 is still a child, on the adult side of that but still a child. I have a 21 year old daughter at 45 and would do anything in my power to keep a 40 year old man away from her. There is a big difference in stages of life and there will continue to be as well. I am currently 29. But I was 22 when I started dating my X and he was 37. We were together a total of 5-1/2 years.
boogieboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Have fun with her, keep in mind she might see you as a novelty and nothing serious...but she might not. If thats the case, Enjoy and I'm green with envy.
Jaytb Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 yeah dude, like the other posters said, you've got to kill yourself. Even the thought of touching a legal age adult such as her should immediately be expunged from your mind, it is immoral and you are devious just thinking about it. You should off yourself right now or at the very least, seek a priest for a confession.
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 yeah dude, like the other posters said, you've got to kill yourself. Even the thought of touching a legal age adult such as her should immediately be expunged from your mind, it is immoral and you are devious just thinking about it. You should off yourself right now or at the very least, seek a priest for a confession. LOL nahh he just needs to go NC
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 She's 20. If you are looking for a serious thing. You will not get that from a 20 yr old. I dont know how you can stand 20 yr old girls...i am 20 and i can't even stand them. Very immature.
dave22 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I am 32 and am friends with a 21 year old women. We met when I went back to school a couple years ago. Somehow we just hit it off... we have common interests in things like movies and books and compatible personalities, I guess. Until recently she's always been like a little sister to me and I never gave much thought to it ever being more. But she seems to have matured a lot over the past 6 months or so and I am also starting to find her more attractive... anyways, I guess I am just saying I understand your dilemma. It is possible to be interested in someone much different in age than you are. If you are thinking long term, though... its probably not a good idea. Which is why in my case I think I will just let this pass and not ruin a great friendship.
Thornton Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Things like what? No need for gory details, I just wonder what was off, within or not the confines of conventional sex. Things like forcing me to make embarrassing video tapes for his "collection" (and becoming violent when I later stole and destroyed them), pushing me into embarrassing exhibitionism (such as insisting I had to strip off in front of his much older male friends), doing things without my consent, hurting and humiliating me, pushing me to be with other women for his gratification (though I am heterosexual, and this was where I put my foot down), and generally treating me like a sex object. Not to mention he was frequently unfaithful and I actually saw videos of him with other women at the same time he was dating me. I was only 19, very quiet and immature, and I shouldn't have been exposed to that sort of sexuality for someone else's gratification. Typically I would refuse whatever he wanted, then he would persuade me by saying he loved me, this is what grown-ups do when they love each other, it's all ok and this is what you're supposed to do when you become an adult, and he'd say I didn't trust or love him if I wouldn't do what he said, etc. It continued for about 6-7 months before a friend helped me to end that destructive relationship, but as time passed I felt more and more sick about the whole thing, and more and more afraid of the terrible things that could have happened. I still suffer from some related issues now at age 30; it doesn't really bother me as much any more but I still don't like to talk about it
always_searching Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Things like forcing me to make embarrassing video tapes for his "collection" (and becoming violent when I later stole and destroyed them), pushing me into embarrassing exhibitionism (such as insisting I had to strip off in front of his much older male friends), doing things without my consent, hurting and humiliating me, pushing me to be with other women for his gratification (though I am heterosexual, and this was where I put my foot down), and generally treating me like a sex object. Not to mention he was frequently unfaithful and I actually saw videos of him with other women at the same time he was dating me. I was only 19, very quiet and immature, and I shouldn't have been exposed to that sort of sexuality for someone else's gratification. Typically I would refuse whatever he wanted, then he would persuade me by saying he loved me, this is what grown-ups do when they love each other, it's all ok and this is what you're supposed to do when you become an adult, and he'd say I didn't trust or love him if I wouldn't do what he said, etc. It continued for about 6-7 months before a friend helped me to end that destructive relationship, but as time passed I felt more and more sick about the whole thing, and more and more afraid of the terrible things that could have happened. I still suffer from some related issues now at age 30; it doesn't really bother me as much any more but I still don't like to talk about it Oh, God, Thornton...that's terrible! I'm so sorry about what happened. I can see why you would be concerned for this young woman, or any young woman who is considering getting involved with an older man. What a terrible thing to have happened at such a young age.
Thornton Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Oh, God, Thornton...that's terrible! I'm so sorry about what happened. I can see why you would be concerned for this young woman, or any young woman who is considering getting involved with an older man. What a terrible thing to have happened at such a young age. I will admit that my experiences with an older man when I was very young have prejudiced me towards relationships with a significant age gap. Of course I'm not saying that all older men would treat younger women like sex objects, or that the OP would do anything untoward with the young lady he recently met. But I do find it worrying when people are telling an older man to "have fun" and "enjoy" a young girl even if it's just a phase he's going through, a mid-life crisis or whatever. I'm sure the man who caused so many problems for me enjoyed himself too, but that's hardly the point. If an older man is going to date a very young and impressionable girl he needs to put her welfare first and respect her, not think about "enjoying" himself.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 But I do find it worrying when people are telling an older man to "have fun" and "enjoy" a young girl even if it's just a phase he's going through, a mid-life crisis or whatever. I'm sure the man who caused so many problems for me enjoyed himself too, but that's hardly the point. If an older man is going to date a very young and impressionable girl he needs to put her welfare first and respect her, not think about "enjoying" himself. I totally agree. An acquaintance of mine dated a man of 40 right after she turned 18 (*wince*) and it totally messed her up for a while. Of course, he was using her for sex and she was using him for money. I think this dynamic of very immature girl and fully adult and mature man can be a dangerous one -- and one that is often attractive to creepy guys. (Again, not saying anything about the OP, but you do see this a lot.)
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