I want her back and she still LIVES with me but "wants her space"

[adamsb]

My girlfriend/soulmate/love of my life has lived with me for over three years. I have been extremely stressed and worked hard to pay all the bills as she was in school and had difficulty getting a career going. I put a roof over her head. i paid for her car and mine. I paid everything. Last Christmas we were so broke but she wanted to see her family so I sent her home and had no Christmas at all myself. But gave everything of my life to this girl. And a few months ago all of the sudden secret nights out with the "girlfriends" start to happen. Movies, drinks, etc. No money to buy groceries but money to party. She was so cozy to me over the years and I could never get her to be social. Well I soon discovered that the female friends she supposedly was staying at their house was actually a man. Then she starts vanishing for days unend but I would see her car parked at this man's house. She stops talking to her friends and family and they turn on me. Then finally she confronts me and says this man is only a friend and she needs to break up with me to "find herself" because we have bad "Karma". She blamed her lack on success in a job on living with me and said she didn;t want to become dependant. But the kicker is she says I am her best friend and wants to stay roommates. Several weeks go by of her casually appearing at the place now and then - several fights of me asking her to please at least let me know by leaving a message if she is ok (winter driving). This man has smashed her car which I stuggled to pay for while she was in school.

 

I decided to move out and she is all in a panic saying "please don't go - i love you so much" but then right back to going out everynight - sleeping god knows where, secrets galore. She tells me that this man is who she will spend Christmas day with because his Mum is her friend and is excited to have her as a guest. new Years as well. But he is only a friend who wants to help her through this rough time in her life. Neither or our family lives within 1000 miles of our home so I feel totally abandoned.

 

The crazy thing is I still love her so much that I'm desparate to believe that this man is just a friend and she is just trying to get something out of her system. When she dumped me I had bought her an engagement ring and was a few weeks from giving it to her. So I'm so devastated that all I want to do wonder where she is - where is she getting money when I'm paying all the rent? Now and then she comes home and tries to act like all is normal, like will watch tv with me all night but 10PM roles around and she's like "I gotta go meet a friend" and she's gone and had it planned all along. Sometimes she comes home, sometimes she doesn.t. But groceries, phone, bills etc is like "us" and "ours". Its like she wants me as a fallback only. A safety.

 

You may find this crazy but this girl has always been the most wholesome, honest, loving person. My parents love her so much they have dumped on me. I don;t know what is going to happen but I feel like at this point all my plans for life were hijacked. I'm miserable, heartbroken and I've cried over this so many times by myself and I haven't cried since I was a kid. We're both in our mid 20s but I feel like I've been left by my soulmate. This is the one I want to marry. I can't get along at work. She consumes my thoughts. I'm a broken man

[maxmuscle]

adamsb,

 

Welcome to the club. I feel the exact pain you are going through my friend. You are on on the receiving end of some heavy $****.

 

Me and my ex lived together for 2 years, but been together for 3. We had good and bad times. we've been through so much together. You would think that it will bring us closer because of the struggle, but it didn't.

 

I was always there for her. Sometimes its not enough. I didn't give her everything because I was struggling just like her. I don't care what people say about money makes things better, it does, but its not everything. What I love most is that somebody being there through thick and thin. That is what count.

 

I think my ex got bored with the struggle and wanted a change of pace. The lease of the apt was terminated and we went our seperate ways. She wanted the space and time to herself. I'll admit, I can use the time alone as well. I miss her. She has called, emailed, and wrote me since the break-up.

She also told me that she misses me and love me.

 

I am not looking into it any deeper. I just want things to be right. If I losse her forever, a part of me just may go with her. The people on this forum have an unlimited amount of feelings for their signifcant others. WE are the ones who truly LOVE.

[Kanuk]

Amen brother.

 

IT's the ones that love the most that get hurt the most. It's never easy for someone to dump somoene else if there was love. BUt the person being sumped always gets the short end of the stick. Escpecially when/if the dumper begins to think they amde a mistake.

 

I keep hearing "jsut when you're over her, she'll come back and screw it all up"

[mr_roggger]

What do you mean by they get the short end of the stick especially if the dumper begins to think they have made the mistake?

[adamsb]

As an update. She wants me to look at her car because it is making odd sounds. My friend who is friends with her said she is going to a particular concert tonight whch she would totally go for. So I asked what she is up to and she says "hanging at a friend's house watching the Leafs game." If she says I'm such a good friend still then why does she lie about absolutely everything!!! GOD

[dgruebele]

My friend, I was in a very similar situation as you. I lived with my ex for 4 months after we broke up in May. It was the worst four months of my life! In that amount of time, she went through 3 boyfriends and is currently with the third. You gotta either leave or make her leave. Since my ex moved out at the beginning of September, she has called me several times and we have hung out. She says that #3 is just a friend. Well, recently a mutual friend of ours told me that they've been living together for 2 months! She has done nothing but lie to me and take my money! I'm telling ya, let her go..... As much as it hurts, it is the best thing you can do. You can't go on wondering when she's gonna be home, or who she's with, or what she's doing. She's making her own mistakes, and there's nothing you can do to help.

[adamsb]

Tonight she said she wants to be Jerry and Elaine. She says I am her soulmate in life but she can't be my girlfriend. She wants to be roommates but she never sleeps here. So bizarre. She was desparate for us to put up a Christmas Tree but then announces she is spending Christmas at this Man Friend's house.

 

The thing that sucks is that I think she did get tired of the struggle of not having money and such. This guy lives in a huge house and drives a nice car and has lots of money to blow. But you know what? He is 38 and lives in his parents big house and drives his parents nice car. Of course he has lots of money to blow - his whole paycheck is entertainment money. He only works part time at a retail store for god sakes!

[dgruebele]

Jerry and Elaine? Is she crazy? Tell her that if she wants to be Elaine, she can move down the hall. OK, what she is asking of you is completely unfair. Even if you set up some house rules, it still could get ugly. My ex and I agreed not to have people over even if one of us was gone. Well, I came home from a trip and she had a party and didn't even bother to clean up. Who the hell knows who she had over?!?! We thought we could live out our lease together and be "cool". It didn't work that way! I not trying to preach, I'm just saying that I've been there and it was horrible. Don't put yourself through this any longer than you have to. I now have a male friend as a roommate and things are so much better.

[sstarski]

I too have had this, in fact almost identical. I have lost my soulM8, i have grasped for every thing i could, held on too every breath, she was my life, my soul, the power in every step. I still love her now 9 months on, after all the pain the worry and the strain. But as the lyrics say in a certain police song "if you love somebody, SET THEM FREE". Do this, and when you feel low, repeat them in your head, it will soon become appararent that, to be able to give up your love and sacrafice your need for someone, Is the meaning of real true love. You will grow in stature, presence and inner beauty.

Leave her, she is using you as an emotional and supporting pillow, make the break, remember the words, and when you see her again, hold them tight, Smile ask if she is OK, turn your back and walk away. She will try to get you back, then you must decide, is it time to love or be loved? You will have the power to decide, and if she tries it again. SHE AINT WORTH YOUR BREATH!!!!!!!

Peace, im owta here.