How will YOU get better???

[red_cloud]

Writing things down really does make me feel better and more accountable for my actions and since I didn't see a concrete thread on this topic, I'm starting one for the forum - in case others will find it helpful.

 

I certainly have been through breakups before that were very painful for me, and in retrospect, I caused myself 90% of that pain by not doing NC and by refusing to let go. I didn't focus on myself.. I focused on what they were doing. Then I read this great piece of advice... no matter what happens, you really only have two choices in life, to be bitter or be better.

 

Ironically, when I hesitantly took this advice, not only did I get over a breakup ASAP that had been weighing on me a year later, but I met a great guy (my most resent ex) right away and was into my own life that he had to spend a month convincing me to date him!

 

But its hard to stick to an abstract principle, like "getting better" so lets make it concrete and measurable goals. My definition of getting better right now is :

 

1. Study for grad school entrance exams. A perfect GMAT score will have a much longer term affect on my life than a guy who's not really sure if he wants to be with me.

 

2. Work out, a lot - will help with my self esteem, help me get other guys and I'm hoping to be able to get some kind of training certification to work part time and pay for the schooling mentioned above.

 

3. Focus on personal finances - I've always been crappy at this and learning how to raise my credit score and make my money work for me is something that's not really an option anymore.

 

4. Put more effort into my appearance - I've always admired women who are so stylish and put together, like Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. They give off an amazing aura. I have no doubt its a lot more work than it looks, but the outcome is def worth the effort. Can I be like her?

 

5. Set aside 15 min every day for as long as I need to think about my ex bf whether it be cry, be angry at him, reminisce about the past or what need be. Setting time aside for those thoughts makes it easier then trying to control them at random, and I still want to feel human - even though it sucks and hurts, I'm actually proud of my capability to love and my determination to trying to make that relationship work - its a GREAT quality to have and even though he might not appreciate it, I do and I'm sure that some other man will too.

 

So... what will it be for you?

 

I plan on printing this list out, start following it today and then reporting on my progress every few days.

Edited November 22, 2009 by red_cloud

[onewillburn]

Those are awesome goals, red_cloud. I did something similar over the summer where I made a list of things I wanted to do or improve on. Working out is something that has, without a doubt, become a big part of my life. I've gotten in such good shape and I look so much healthier that it's unbelievable. I'm constantly getting compliments on my looks from friends and family. Look aren't everything, but getting in shape definitely helps boost your confidence when it's at rock bottom.

 

I've basically been structuring my day so that I get in a hard workout, practice guitar strictly (with a metronome and all) for at least an hour, and read whatever book I'm reading. They're simple tasks, but they all help to improve who I am in some way. Seeing results from hard work is a huge motivator and self-esteem booster. And, yeah, I've been putting more work into my appearance as well. Better clothes, better hair, etc.

 

Good luck with your goals.