LoveLace Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I met Mary in school almost a year ago - 23 yrs old, and I'm 10 yrs older. But she was all around sweet, understanding, and single - hard to come by gals like that at my age. So we started hanging out a little here and there. At some point, she started dating a guy that, come to find, verbally attacks her on a regular basis. She brought her BF along to a group thing with my friends once, and my friends all immediately felt he was creepy. He had a very down-mooding demeanor about him. He up and left because Mary wasn't giving him enough attention. Finally I told her what I thought of him, and she didn't like it. Fast forward a couple months - and her birthday was Labor Day. Most places were closed - I promised to buy her dinner another day. So we went out to dinner, I paid, then we went somewhere else for a beer. A bucket of beer came and I suggested something along the lines of splitting the cost...I only promised her dinner...not a night on the town. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "But it's my birthday! I shouldn't have to pay for anything!" - I think this is extremely rude and selfish to expect from someone. But I blew it off. Since then she always had a weird thing with money and what she pays for or what I pay for, blah blah blah. I invited her to an outing last weekend, that went from 3-7pm. I took enough cash for MYSELF to last me that long - and it did exactly. But the party bus extended the stay for an hour, so she bought me a beer or 2 - at most. On the way home, she bought us each a drive-thru sandwich. I was driving - as I ALWAYS do because she cries that she doesn't ever know where she's going. So we agree to go to a club last night. Walk in the club, and I paid cover charge for us both - just because I didn't care, didn't think about it, not even because I owe her. We approach the bar and she then suggests that I buy her 1st drink. When I reminded her that i paid the cover, she reminded me that she bought me a beer and a f-king sandwich last weekend. In turn, reminded her that I drove us. Then she got even more snobby, said she's been here for me yadda yadda - SO I reminded her WHO answers the phone everytime she cries over her verbally abusive boyfriend. THEN she got angry because I said 'verbally abusive boyfriend' in "public". I suggested we don't continue, and I take her back to her car. I was set off when she then says, "I want to finish my drink first". I said well, I'm not waiting for you, and left her stranded at the club, with no regrets. She said I use her for money and treat her like crap, and she couldn't be more wrong. I always have my own money. And real friends don't have to discuss how much they have contributed to one another, as if it's a contest. It was WRONG of her to go out with me last night just because she wanted pay back for a beer and sandwich. She blew up my phone all night crying and yelling like a psycho baby. Had she not smarted off, she would have had a ride to her car. My friends are telling me they are glad that I stuck up for myself, because I'm generally known putting up with WAY too much for WAY too long. And for once it appears I'm done with that. I felt bad for about 1 hour about leaving her - aside from that, I think anyone who judges quality of friendship based on money, needs a wake-up call. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 What do you think? LOL, you don't want to know... Find another friend Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 I think Mary and her b/f deserve each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 LOL, you don't want to know... Find another friend Yea I have plenty of friends. Some that have been here for 20+ years. Which is why it was pretty easy for me to ditch her. You must be pretty insecure to think a person is "using you for money" just because you have bought them a few drinks over the last few months. But to her I guess that's equal to a car loan or something. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 For me, it's more serious stuff like buying houses and cars and you know....oh, wait until you get married Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 For me, it's more serious stuff like buying houses and cars and you know....oh, wait until you get married LOl. I don't think I wanna know. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I heard a saying once, many years ago: "Good friends don't count beans" Ideally, it all comes out in the wash....................... Until things become glaringly lopsided for a reaaaallllllllly long time, (i.e. one person always pays, or drives,or listens) then quibbling over small stuff, or pocket change is only going to damage a bond. It sounds to me like your friend Mary still has a lot of maturing and learning to do. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I think that subconsciously she is acting out against you like she is unable to with her boyfriend. She has no control over her relationship or herself, so she is trying to get some control over something and she is going about it all wrong. She needs an outlet, and unfortunately you are the closest target for her pent up anger, frustration and desperate need to be in control of something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) I'm glad because pretty much everyone who knows about it, agrees I shouldn't feel bad in the slightest about leaving her there. I've never left anyone somewhere before in my life (unless it's a situation where the one you came with gets another ride). I knew she was stranded without her car and she doesn't know her way around this town very well. But I couldn't feel sorry enough about that to go pick her back up. It's not as though I was never going to pay her back for those 2 measly beers or whatever. She ASSUMED I wasn't going to, I guess just because I didn't make any promises like that at the time - didn't think I would have to - I made the mistake of assuming she was like my other friends in knowing that I always compensate eventually. Obviously, we judged each other totally wrong. I'm loving it too much that she thought for sure she was boss, but she didn't feel so in charge when she was crying and screaming like a psycho in the end. When you OFFER to buy someone a beer and a sandwich, then get pissed because they didn't give you a timeline for paying you back, that's a problem. Not to mention, at NO point in the night did she say, "when will you be able to pay me back?"...NOR did she call the next day or even the next few days, to say "hey, I'm just broke and really need a few of those dollars you owe me"...NO...she waited a WEEK, then figured she would just go out with me, and be PISSED if I didn't court her. Edited November 23, 2009 by LoveLace Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 What do i think? Good of you for not letting someone walk all over you. Maybe she'll start treating you like a good friend and stop keeping scores. I'm not gonna hold on to her changing any time soon though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 What do i think? Good of you for not letting someone walk all over you. Maybe she'll start treating you like a good friend and stop keeping scores. I'm not gonna hold on to her changing any time soon though... Oh there won't be any of that. Told her I will never talk to her again. I've only known her a few months, and I don't have the energy or time to deal with anyone who judges me like that. I left her there for a reason - because I didn't have any desire to patch things up, and still don't. Told her maybe from now on she won't judge her friends based on how much money they spend on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 I think you should compare your experience to all of the complaining to you she does about her boyfriend. Perhaps it's not all his fault after all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 I think you should compare your experience to all of the complaining to you she does about her boyfriend. Perhaps it's not all his fault after all... One thing's for sure. I've never felt sorry for her when she could easily leave the relationship but chooses not to. Matter of fact she said he was to "pass the time". So desperate and lonely that you'd rather put up with abuse? Well that's the same insecurity that she so well directed towards me. I was for "passing time" while he wasn't busy controlling her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 All I got to say is WOW! The OP you definitely got your point across to this woman she is sorry to say not a good friend. This woman seems shallow, insecure, and she just wants you to be her sound board. I think it took guts for you to cut all ties with this woman. Sometimes it has to happen in life. Link to post Share on other sites
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