Quarter life crisi...

[Confused5433]

I have everything to be grateful for, a job, house (parent's house share it with my brother), financial stability, great family and friends, health and just a peaceful life.

Deep down, I just feel so restless. Recently turned 28, no bf for over 3yrs. Friends around me are getting engaged, married, having babies, and I'm still here. Haven't dated since my last bf. Sometimes I feel like leaving this city, moving and starting a whole new life somewhere else. I'm a very active person and love to do adventurous things and try different things. But lately my mood and energy has gone down and I feel so left out, lonely (yes I'll admit) and just like I should be somewhere else doing other things before my 20s pass me by. I also want to get away from my family. They are great and I love them, but I want to be on my own just experiencing other people and relationships for a while. And on top of this feeling of how life is running by so quickly, I found a couple of grays here and there. My God, I feel so young at heart, but I'm getting old. I know it happens to all of us, but I'm still in my 20s and when I look in the mirror is like I'm changing and I shouldn't be, not yet at least.

 

If anyone has been in this sort of situation, I would greatly appreciate any type of advice, or just plain all encouragement to change my way of thinking and just get over this rut. can anyone relate?

 

I think this is what they call a quarter life crisis...right?

[JaggedRoad]

Yup, that sounds like a quarter-life crisis...

 

I don't know what advice I can give you because I'm going through my own. Maybe it's a good thing that you're not in a relationship at the moment. I lost my girlfriend of three years because of this (and other issues).

 

I guess the only thing I can really say is give yourself a provisional goal. That's what one of my professors told me when I told him how lost I felt.

[Confused5433]

Thank you Jagged.

 

Yeah well one of my main goals is to move to NYC next yr and start a whole new life, and maybe career. I know it's crazy and I have a great job (pay average) but with a lot of personal satisfaction, but with very limited professional growth. On top of that, I feel like I should be doing other things, everyday I go to work I feel the same way.

 

I want to start over, build new friendships, have new experiences, be on my own finally. Decorate my own place for the first time ever, be independent and just be free. Maybe try other things in my life and just enjoy everything this world has to offer. I feel bad saying all these things, because I know I'm so fortunate, so much more than millions of people in this earth, but this feeling will not go away. Life is become the same, and I guess I love variety and change and hopefully find the love of my life and just share sooo many things together. I always look forward to that, but as the yrs go by, I wonder if I'm just imagining that life or will it be real one day.

 

I'm an idealist, dreamer and a romantic, don't want to change my views, but reality hits me once in a while and then I feel down and just wonder if Im doing something wrong, or why not me?

[JaggedRoad]

You're not doing anything wrong. It's not uncommon for people to feel the way you do with the way the world is. Everything is redundant and follows some sort of routine. Most jobs have a 9-5 schedule or some sort of 8-hour schedule. And even if the pay is generous, you feel like you're wasting your life away, correct? You feel like you should be out there, slaying dragons, striking gold, striking oil, saving lives, taking lives, riding gryphons, riding on a horse with Prince Charming or wooing Sleeping Beauty, and not be in front of a damn computer or some sort of gizmo. You want to break free of this... tight and rigid model of life, but you can't. You can't because it's hard to not conform. Most ideas have already been put into use. Robots? Check. Space elevator? Check. Artificial city above a body of water? In progress.

 

Or at the very least, as you have mentioned, simply meet new people and have new experiences such as drinking beautifully aged wine, swimming with dolphins, diving out of an airplane, and et cetera. Guess what? You can do it these things if you actually take some time to plan and put effort into achieving these things. Set aside money for whatever adventure or venture you want to embark on, and create a set of small achieveable goals that go towards the final thing. The thing is, the mundaneness of everyday life should not oppress you. See it as a sort of security blanket that you can somewhat rely on so you can meet your dreams.

 

Oh, and I live in New York City xP

[RobM]

I don't have any advice, I'm going thru the same thing except I'm in my early 50's and have been married almost 30 years, mostly good, but the last year or so I just feel like I've given up and don't care about much of anything.

 

My passion for life and doing things is at an all time low. I keep trying to figure out to break out of this mood but it hasn't happened yet.

[latefragment]

i feel the exact same way you do. no bf for 3 yr and quite lonely. i'm active, like you, too, quite adventurous and lots of activities. noticed grays too, scared the hell out of me. i'm glad i'm not alone in feeling this way. maybe we can pm. hope you are doing ok tonight, i trying to hang in there.

[Shoshana]

Friends around me are getting engaged, married, having babies, and I'm still here.

 

Are those the things YOU want now? Were those things you'd hoped to have done by now, at age 28? Or are you just lamenting the fact that their lives are taking a different path than yours seems to be taking?

 

Take advice from someone who has trod this path before you. I'm 33. I got married initially at 22, because I felt pressure that it was the "right" thing to do. Two years later - horrible divorce, financial ruin. When I recovered from that, six years later, I got married again to a good friend - figuring, okay, I'm 30, I'm not getting any younger, my greys are coming in too... and yeah, that ended in divorce, too, because I found out he was GAY and looking for a woman to make babies for him... and with the mindset I was in, he believed I was a perfect target.

 

You're going to grow out of some of your friends. Their life paths are going to take directions different from yours. It doesn't mean you're being "left behind." Just because they're getting married and having kids doesn't mean that's what you should be doing, or that what they're doing is "right" and what you're doing isn't. Marital status is not an indication of social status, success, or your individual worth.

 

Once I got my divorce from husband #2, I decided to live a HAPPY single life, regardless of what all my friends were doing (getting married, having babies, etc.) and make it all about ME... and I wish now that I'd done that after my first divorce. This past spring, I bought a cute little house and started doing things to make ME happy that didn't involve anyone else. I look at my greys and yeah, I growl at them... and then I go to the hairdresser and have her make my hair pretty with highlights to make me feel look and feel beautiful.

 

Once I found my single-girl groove... I started getting tons of attention from guys. I can't explain why - but it's true.

 

So, yes - definitely pursue your goal of striking out on your own and doing all the wonderful things you want to do for YOU... and be careful of comparing yourself to others "successes."

 

Best of luck to you.