why do the walk away spouses always fancy themselves as victims?

[seraphim mom]

Why do they? Is it selfishness, being childish? And it seems it really comes a lot from the ones who either cheated, abandoned their families, or etc.my stbxh fancies that its my fault we are getting divorced....ummmm no since a month before the "incident" he screamed at me"I don't know if I love you anymore!" Then if you know my story you know what happened and he abandoned his family who loves him...I did everything I could to make him happy, got into the things he liked, and didn't get in the way of him doing all his sports, playing his computer/video games....and someone who really loves him, thrown out so he can go back to the single life with no responsibilities.......but he is the victim and I'm so horrible.....why do they think like that?

[confused71]

They convince themselves they are the victims because it is the only way they can live with themselves.

It helps them to feel less guilty.

 

My ex now seems to have a completely fabricated view of how our marriage was.

Apparently I made her do so many things she didnt want to do when in fact I hardly had any say in decisions made.

 

I moved with her from the UK to canada when she found a new job out here.She used to say she hated her old job and wanted to get away from her family.

 

Now if you ask her ...I made her come out here...and she never wanted to leave her family.

 

I seriously thought I was going mad with the way she seems to remember things completely different to how they were.

[whichwayisup]

Because they don't want to take responsibilty for their choices, be accountable for their actions, own what they've done.. It's easier for them to blame anyone and everyone but themselves.

[lookin2wardthefuture]

In my case I'm the leaver, but he's the one who cheated. One of his favorite lines that has always irritated the living hell out of me is," I know what I did, said, was wrong, BUT I can't change that now, so let's just move forward." I think alot of people who make themselves out to be the victim do so because in real life they've never suffered any real consequences that have made them take a long hard look at themselves and the way thy're effecting the people around them. In other words they've never really suffered so they don't know what real suffering is until someone they love says ENOUGH, I WILL NOT LET YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY. I DESERVE BETTER. Then all of a sudden no one's ever been through anything like their hurt and loss. It's a vicious cycle.

 

Sorry, that sort of turned into a personal vent!!!

[FeelingLonely98]

My comments are related to cheaters / Many reasons:

 

- Makes them feel less guiilty.

- Makes them feel more justified.

- Makes them seem like they are the good guy to their friends and family.

- Because they are cowards and will not be honest or responsible and say it because they want to be able to go screw someone else.

- Because they are excellent revisionist historians - or is that historical revisionists?

- MOSTLY because they know they are lowlife scum and can't admit it. (my personal vent as well!)

 

Can you imagine if someone was ever truthful and said ...

 

"Spouse, I want a D. Yes, I still love you and I'm pretty happy after all these years. But you know I met someone. The AP makes me feel youthful and the sex is exciting. Sex with you was quite good but this is NEW, come on! I can't have the good M and this - Hmm, so I thought about it for 30 seconds and made up my mind. I didn't use any common sense. I didn't think about or consider the family in my decision. This is all about ME. I am selfish. Yes, it will hurt you but I will get what I want. Maybe when this runs it's course you will still be here and I can jump right back into the M where I left off."

 

That would never happen now would it?

Edited November 23, 2009 by FeelingLonely98

[seraphim mom]

In my case I'm the leaver, but he's the one who cheated. One of his favorite lines that has always irritated the living hell out of me is," I know what I did, said, was wrong, BUT I can't change that now, so let's just move forward." I think alot of people who make themselves out to be the victim do so because in real life they've never suffered any real consequences that have made them take a long hard look at themselves and the way thy're effecting the people around them. In other words they've never really suffered so they don't know what real suffering is until someone they love says ENOUGH, I WILL NOT LET YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY. I DESERVE BETTER. Then all of a sudden no one's ever been through anything like their hurt and loss. It's a vicious cycle.

 

Sorry, that sort of turned into a personal vent!!!

 

 

Oh no prob this is the place to vent...you see my husband thinks that since I was the one who was drugged, taken advantage of by a "friend", abandoned by my husband along with our children, left to fend for ourselves for 3 months and he thinks he is the victim...oh I can go all day with the s*** he has pulled that makes himself a "victim" and me the most horrible person ever.

[trippi1432]

In my case I'm the leaver, but he's the one who cheated. One of his favorite lines that has always irritated the living hell out of me is," I know what I did, said, was wrong, BUT I can't change that now, so let's just move forward." I think alot of people who make themselves out to be the victim do so because in real life they've never suffered any real consequences that have made them take a long hard look at themselves and the way thy're effecting the people around them. In other words they've never really suffered so they don't know what real suffering is until someone they love says ENOUGH, I WILL NOT LET YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY. I DESERVE BETTER. Then all of a sudden no one's ever been through anything like their hurt and loss. It's a vicious cycle.

 

Sorry, that sort of turned into a personal vent!!!

 

No, very good rant! Thank you, saved me from having to post that.