Destructive feelings

[Danneth]

Hi,

 

I'm currently going through some feelings (and have been for a while now) which have evolved into what I'd describe as pretty self-destructive, any advice people can offer is appreciated. Anyway, here's the 'story';

 

I met a girl nearly a year ago, we really "clicked" on the first night I met her, we both stayed over at a friend's house (with other friends present, nothing happened between us), the next morning I walked her back to the bus stop and that was it, like I said, nothing happened, but we got on well. Over the next couple of months, feelings for her began to develop and get pretty strong, she was different to other girls, the feelings I felt for her were like I'd never felt before for anyone else.

 

I spent a lot of time with her around other friends and over the months, my feelings grew progressively stronger until one night when I told her how I felt, she rejected me and I managed to force my feelings down (to an extent). Then a month or so after that, she began to act pretty flirty with me, making me dance with her, asking if I'd been working out, and generally trying to get my attention. I didn't act at that point because it confused me, but her doing that sent my feelings crashing back, and ever since, I've been crazy about her. She didn't help by constantly messaging me on MSN and Facebook, with every message she sent me, and with every conversation we had (in person), my feelings grew stronger, beyond what I'd felt months before, they were stronger than ever. Every time I saw her, my heart skipped a beat, being around her was (is)... I can't even describe how it makes me feel, to borrow a quote from Twilight, she's "like my own personal brand of heroin".

 

But I'm finding it hard to... "control" my feelings. When I see her speaking to another guy, it angers me, I don't let people around me know, but it does. Not being with her makes me feel really bad about myself, it makes me miserable. If I see her out, it makes me sad for about 2 days after seeing her. There's also been a couple of times in the past when I've been out with friends and she's completely ignored me, which just utterly despressed me for days. That's the thing, she's like a rollercoaster ride, a lot of times when I see her she seems interested in spending time with me, and others she just makes me feel like crap. I don't let her, or anybody else know that I feel this way, but I can't hide it from myself, and it hurts.

 

Just last night I saw her, she saw me walk past the club she was in, and she like chased after me to say hello and give me a hug, that's the kind of stuff that messes with my head. Is she just being friendly? Is she stringing me along? Does she just like the attention? Or maybe, just maybe could she like me? She always seems to have her status on Facebook as something to the effect of "Yeah he's a looker but I really think it's guts that matter most" or "what really broke her heart is when he didn't come after her"; is that a reference to me or someone else? Stuff like that is what makes it so hard for me.

 

Thank you in advance to anybody who reads this and offers some thoughts. I know that nobody here can give me a definitive answer to my problems. I also know I'm a pretty... sad person, and that I should have more courage, but I'm afraid of what she may say, this is a girl I really care about and it just genuinely hurts me that we're not together. The thought of being with another girl doesn't interest me because no other girl makes me feel the same way, and it's been that way for months now. Thanks again.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Danneth

[miss_sapphire]

I would ask her again. If she says no again, move on.

[Nodoal]

Hey man

 

Sounds like a dilemma, and thats one of the hardest to reconcile, when you are being logical and in control of your actions but at the same time having holding such strong feelings. You did the right thing by telling her, you faced your fears and were ready for the consequences. I once liked a girl for years without telling her, and when i finally did tell her, it was not for her but for myself.

 

I think you've got to continue... to act out your emotions responsibly for yourself. If shes sending you mixed signals ask her if her minds changed, if not you know that you are a man not afraid to put himself on the line and then you've settled the confusion and the dilemma in your head.

 

The most important thing is to do what you need to do to get closure and peace of mind for yourself, those emotions might make you feel weak and afraid but seeking answers for yourself will make you love yourself. You've shown courage before, it only gets easier doing it again.

[Dolos]

Ask her again. If she says anything but yes just move on, completely ignore her. If you share friends be civil if you have to, but flat out ignore her as much as you can. Also, when i said anything but yes i meant just that. Even if she doesn't give a flat out no, don't accept anything short of yes, because its going to be bull and will just give you false hope.