lovesomuchithurts Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I write this in tears. I have fallen head over heals in love with my friends husband. YES I KNOW THIS IS WRONG and HORRIBLE in everyway. I REALLY do love my friend. She is like a sister to both my husband and I. I've been married about 15 years and while it's not great, it's by no means horrible. They have been together 10. He and I only became close in the past few years, but I have had loving feelings off and on for him for about 2 1/2 years now. I've tried to stay away, but my friend begs us to visit. I talk to her alot and she knows every aspect of my life, except the secret love I have for her husband. I DO NOT want to have these feelings. I have done everything I know to do in order to avoid them. But they're still there and growing stronger all the time. PLEASE do not call me names I've beaten myself up about it more than any of your harsh words could ever hurt. We have been together 2 different weekends over the past 3 months. I am completly unsure of how he feels. He calls me his 'best friend' and texts/ calls me often. Never anything flirty or inappropriate. She is completely aware of this and is fine with it. She loves that we have gotten to be such good friends. Yet the last couple of times we were together he seemed so aloaf and distant. It's like he's happy to see me, but at the same time doesn't want to be around me. We chit chat and joke some, but when we are alone things are so awkward. I talk with him like all my other guy friends and try not to treat him any different, but it's in those instances that he seems most withdrawn. I don't think he knows about my feelings though. I'm unsure if he does know and is trying to make it clear he has NO feelings or if he is feeling the exact same way and is in the same boat as I am in NOT wanting to have the feelings. I can not just cut ties w/ them. They are too involved in our lives and cutting ties to avoid feelings would do the same amount of damage as if the feelings came out. Can someone help me figure out what he's feeling? How I can come to terms with my feelings? Should I finally break the ice w/ him and say all the unspoken words? I'm dying inside here. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 No you should not tell him! As for his feelings, that's a unknown. But it doesn't matter anyway. You're being a tad selfish if you're just thinking and fantasizing about you and him. Look, you're worth having a man all to yourself - and if he's still married, he's still married. Period. You know this. The quickest way to get rid of your infatuation for him, is to start dating other men who are single. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 No you should not tell him! As for his feelings, that's a unknown. But it doesn't matter anyway. You're being a tad selfish if you're just thinking and fantasizing about you and him. Look, you're worth having a man all to yourself - and if he's still married, he's still married. Period. You know this. The quickest way to get rid of your infatuation for him, is to start dating other men who are single.She's already married and not unhappy with her marriage but also not happy. This situation of limerance isn't helping her marriage, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) I've been married about 15 years and while it's not great, it's by no means horrible. They have been together 10. He and I only became close in the past few yearsOpps! My bad. How could i miss this TBF?!? Sorry OP, forget my advice about dating other men, i thought you were single! OP, instead of looking outside your relationship, you'll have try harder by looking in. And appreciate what you have. Edited November 26, 2009 by Odyssey Link to post Share on other sites
lostnhiseyes09 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Hi, I can definately relate to what you are saying. I have fallen for my husband's best friend. We text and talk on the phone fairly often, email and play online games together. Feelings have been building up for years. First it was his comments and I secretly started liking him. Finally I knew it wasn't all talk coming from him and I gradually let on how I felt. Over the last few months everything has pretty much gotten out in the open without directly saying it. The sexual tension is very tense and the next time we are alone I can't guarantee that we will both behave. I don't know what to tell you but it does sound like he has some feelings back. He may be feeling a little guilty and be pulling back or he might be scared of something happening. I would do what you can to stop the feelings as hard as that is. It will be even harder on you if something does happen. YOu'll be on the worst rollercoaster ride ever! Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 There is no way to completely separate insight from judgment. If you really want advice or opinions, you are going to have to risk being judged. No other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesomuchithurts Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 Well it has been over 1 wk. with no contact. I REALLY am trying to get over these feelings! My husband and I went out for a date night, I have tried focusing all my love and lust on our marriage. I've gotten 2 or 3 texts, but have chose not to respond. It's SO MUCH harder than it sounds though. I am trying to overcome my feelings, but I really don't want to lose a good friend in the process. I feel like I am making progress though and hopefully after a few months we will all be able to get together and I will be able to see us as just that --FRIENDS-- nothing more! Link to post Share on other sites
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