samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Why not find a partner that's into an open relationship? Makes sense... If you're going to cheat then you're not fit for a committed relationship. Why the need to secrets... Link to post Share on other sites
BookerT Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I think it's because it's hard enough to find someone that a person feels attracted to, to add another filter makes it too hard. To find an attractive individual that's also up for an open relationship is a task too hard for some. Besides cheaters want the best of both worlds. It's the selfish drive that makes them cheat, not a desire to be fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Besides cheaters want the best of both worlds. It's the selfish drive that makes them cheat, not a desire to be fair. Which leads to think, why bother dragging someone that's into a serious committed relationship. By doing that, they're not only wasting the person's time acting selfish but also their time as well. They could have spend it with someone that's into switching partner and there wouldn't be any of ''Oh what if he/she finds out, I'm busted, etc''... Link to post Share on other sites
kis Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Why not find a partner that's into an open relationship? Makes sense... If you're going to cheat then you're not fit for a committed relationship. Why the need to secrets... This wouldnt work because in the beginning of a relationship people are convinced they would never cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
BookerT Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Which leads to think, why bother dragging someone that's into a serious committed relationship. By doing that, they're not only wasting the person's time acting selfish but also their time as well. They could have spend it with someone that's into switching partner and there wouldn't be any of ''Oh what if he/she finds out, I'm busted, etc''... Selfishness is a part of the nature of a large percentage of human beings. If humans were not selfish we won't need jails. You question could be tweaked slightly and you might as well be asking, why don't robbers just get a job instead of robbing people? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 People who cheat don't necessarily (or at all) want their partner to cheat or be with someone else. It sounds hypocritical, but in a warped cheater-brain way it makes sense: when they are cheating, they know they aren't really going to leave the relationship. They can't be assured of the same of their partner though. The idea sometimes terrifies them. Why? They don't want to lose the relationship, they just want to cheat. Which is why you often hear me write "MM want affairs, not divorces." And let me tell you, some of those MM who are big time cheaters will flip the f*ck out if they find out their W is doing the same thing. Purely selfish, basically. Link to post Share on other sites
El Ben Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Fact: You can't win. If you ask for a divorce, people claim you're leaving your relationship without a good enough reason. If you don't, people complain you're cheating. Doomed if you divorce. Doomed if you don't divorce (and cheat). Doomed if you ask for an open relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Most often cheating isn't planned. So if you're in a relationship, and start to feel the need to cheat... what, you want the person to ask their SO if they can have an open relationship? The solution for cheating is simple. Get out of the relationship if you can't be faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Most often cheating isn't planned. So if you're in a relationship, and start to feel the need to cheat... what, you want the person to ask their SO if they can have an open relationship? The solution for cheating is simple. Get out of the relationship if you can't be faithful. Yes good point. I think that yes if they feel like cheating, then at least be straight forward and be like ''SO, I'm meeting someone recently, I haven't done nothing but I'm starting to like him/her, if you want to still be with me, it'll be an open relationship''. Off course many would freak out and dumped you but way better than purely cheating because at least you were honest and committed to the very end. Then there are some people that will get turn on by the idea of open relationships. If they freak out at that suggestion then after leaving them, go find a partner that's into open relationships... Link to post Share on other sites
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 People who cheat don't necessarily (or at all) want their partner to cheat or be with someone else. It sounds hypocritical, but in a warped cheater-brain way it makes sense: when they are cheating, they know they aren't really going to leave the relationship. They can't be assured of the same of their partner though. The idea sometimes terrifies them. Why? They don't want to lose the relationship, they just want to cheat. Which is why you often hear me write "MM want affairs, not divorces." And let me tell you, some of those MM who are big time cheaters will flip the f*ck out if they find out their W is doing the same thing. Purely selfish, basically. It's true. Sometimes the partners who flip out at you the most for cheating or suspected cheating, are doing it the most blatantly themselves. It's insulting and promotes double standards. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Perhaps the cheating and the affair occurs because there is something lacking in the marriage that cannot be solved without the help of the partner. Perhaps the cheater has tried everything possible to get that partner to realize how much his or her failure to help solve the problem will be damaging to the marriage. Perhaps the affair is not only NOT planned, but the cheater actually has avoided it at all costs. And yet there comes a point when the cheater is exhausted and needs (call it selfish) some emotional or physical connection again. Divorce is not an easy thing for anyone, and the affair is more a cry for help than filling a selfish need. To categorically describe all cheaters as selfish and out for pleasure is wrong. Many cheaters never wanted to cheat and tried to fix the problem that led to the cheating. His or her partner took all of the anger, pleas, and discussions as just more talk and if ignored, then life will go on as normal. One day, the cheater cheated. Perhaps it started as a friendship with a coworker or neighbor. The intention was never an affair, but the hunger for that emotional and physical "food" which has been withheld drove him to ignore all of the warning signs. And the pleasure was worth it. However, as time went on, he or she realized that this still was not what was desired. All he or she wanted was to experience the love and intimacy of his or her partner. If only he or she had listened. But now it was too late. The cheater was now the scum of the earth and the betrayed spouse was now the victim. If only it were that simple. If only they had truly listened to one another instead of fighting one another. It was never supposed to end this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Wow, if it were that easy, we'd definately have less infidelity in the world, wouldn't we? I don't think many first time cheaters realize they're cheating until after the fact. It really depends on the situation too, but guilt usually doesn't occur until everything is said and done. Unfortunately, after a cheater is spawned, it's the relationships to follow that become far more a risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Wow, if it were that easy, we'd definately have less infidelity in the world, wouldn't we? I don't think many first time cheaters realize they're cheating until after the fact. It really depends on the situation too, but guilt usually doesn't occur until everything is said and done. Unfortunately, after a cheater is spawned, it's the relationships to follow that become far more a risk. It would definitely be easier if more people were honest about it as soon as emotions or physical attraction starts developing. That's how it mainly happens, you don't just bang or fool around with someone all of the sudden without some talks that go on each date. But I bet if they were to learn their SO did it too then they get more mad and dismiss their cheating. How convenient, they can have their satisfy outside the relationship, hurting the SO but the other can't... Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Most often cheating isn't planned. So if you're in a relationship, and start to feel the need to cheat... what, you want the person to ask their SO if they can have an open relationship? The solution for cheating is simple. Get out of the relationship if you can't be faithful. You forget that cheaters are cowardly cake-eaters as well. They wouldn't leave the relationship just yet. What if the AP is not someone they really wanted to be with? So, they will still string their current SO along, until they made sure that the AP is going into the sunset with them. Link to post Share on other sites
El Ben Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Stereotypes. What if the "cheat" was in a relationship that simply didn't work for him/her. What if the cheat had decided not to divorce "because of the kids". What if the cheat really didn't give a damn whether the SO found out or not? What then?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 A cheater probably still wouldn't be happy with being with a partner who sees other people. Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Stereotypes. What if the "cheat" was in a relationship that simply didn't work for him/her. What if the cheat had decided not to divorce "because of the kids". What if the cheat really didn't give a damn whether the SO found out or not? What then?? Exactly. Selfish cowardly cake-eaters. Point proven. "Oh, my relationship is not working out, I don't love him anymore. Oh I know, let me cheat!" "Oh, I wanna divorce, I'm not in love anymore, but I'm not gonna do it because of the kids. Oh am I noble. But what can I do? Oh I know, let me cheat!" "To hell with my significant one who I don't really find significant. Who cares if he should be with someone whom truly loves him and is committed to him? No, how dare he be with someone like that. He should stay with me, pay the bills and provide me a house to stay in while I go have sex with someone I love". Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 A cheater probably still wouldn't be happy with being with a partner who sees other people. True which would make them ''hypocrites''. They put their needs first in seeking pleasure elsewhere and yet the SO can't do the same or suggest open relationship from now on. The minute the cheater get off is the moment private intimacy and personal is not worth being committed no more. All those private, personal moments are gone already, they would be nothing but ghostly images. Thus why, no use in keeping it intimate when it's not... Link to post Share on other sites
El Ben Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Exactly. Selfish cowardly cake-eaters. Point proven. "Oh, my relationship is not working out, I don't love him anymore. Oh I know, let me cheat!" "Oh, I wanna divorce, I'm not in love anymore, but I'm not gonna do it because of the kids. Oh am I noble. But what can I do? Oh I know, let me cheat!" "To hell with my significant one who I don't really find significant. Who cares if he should be with someone whom truly loves him and is committed to him? No, how dare he be with someone like that. He should stay with me, pay the bills and provide me a house to stay in while I go have sex with someone I love". haha. What if the "cheater" pays all the bills and provides the house, will that make things better? Okay, I was just being coy, but you do agree that a lot of posters tell people to stay in the relationship "for the kids". Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 Okay, I was just being coy, but you do agree that a lot of posters tell people to stay in the relationship "for the kids". Which is even worst.. isn't that at the same time setting a poor example for the kids about relationships?? It's teaching them that it's ok to accept poorly behaviors and that a committed relationship can't be shared by someone else... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 that's not really a solution in most cases.. because in most cases, the partner cheating will NOT want his/her partner to cheat.. or the BS will NOT want to be in that type of relationship.. It's not that easy.. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 People who cheat don't necessarily (or at all) want their partner to cheat or be with someone else. It sounds hypocritical, but in a warped cheater-brain way it makes sense: when they are cheating, they know they aren't really going to leave the relationship. They can't be assured of the same of their partner though. The idea sometimes terrifies them. Why? They don't want to lose the relationship, they just want to cheat. Which is why you often hear me write "MM want affairs, not divorces." And let me tell you, some of those MM who are big time cheaters will flip the f*ck out if they find out their W is doing the same thing. Purely selfish, basically.Yes, my ex was extremely possessive and territorial. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Why not find a partner that's into an open relationship? Makes sense... If you're going to cheat then you're not fit for a committed relationship. Why the need to secrets... because cheaters are cake eaters. They want to mess around with other people, but would go apes##t if their partner did the same. thats a special kind of worthless. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 haha. What if the "cheater" pays all the bills and provides the house, will that make things better? Okay, I was just being coy, but you do agree that a lot of posters tell people to stay in the relationship "for the kids".[/QUOTE] This advice always confused me. The person cheating surely can't be doing what they do for the kids because no matter what they know what they are doing will break up the marriage so why would the betrayed person want to stay with a spouce where they are the only one in it "for the kids" Link to post Share on other sites
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