jenny Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Sandy, i think many people like to associate sex and budding relationships with fun, play, pleasure, and non-dramatic closeness. crying, for many people, represents fear, sadness, trauma, and worse, drama. i understand your tears mean something different, but can you understand his confusion? you have a right to cry, and he's got a right to feel uncomfortable about it. honestly, i would be. i would start to view the person as a drain on energy rather than a joy to be with. but this is, of course, subjective. so, either you need to find an understanding boyfriend or learn to sublimate that rush of emotion into some other activity. who knows, though? maybe he'll become more accomodating to you, or maybe you can learn to be more acccomodating to him. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Moimeme - I believe that you feel that if we hide our emotions, then we are being fake and unreal. I have emotions; I hurt just like you and everyone else on this forum, but I choose to hide behind a smile, when I'm hurt, because the second that woman, knows that I am hurting, she's got me by the b@lls and I will never give her that satisfaction. See? That's exactly it. You're saying 'nobody will ever get that close to me'. That a man allows me to get THAT close is what is such an honour. This means he trusts me - something beyond price. It takes a huge amount of courage to be that vulnerable, you see, and it's that courage I admire. I'm sure other people on this forum feel the same way. I'm positive they do. I'm positive thousands of people do. However, my opinions are mine and don't require that people concur - as surely you've figured out LOL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted December 13, 2003 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2003 Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf has gone on record to state that any man who never cries/can't cry or whatever "concerns him". Besides that, aren't we really talking about a matter of "degree" and situational cues here. She's overcome by the love she has for her boyfriend, she tells him so... To me, it would be so heartwarming, that I might be moved to shed a tear with her now and then. CD Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Curt! Hey, poet laureate! You should toss one of your creations in here - see how many people you can make weep Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Why would SHOWING the tear signify a more stronger character than hiding the tear? Or: being emotional during a breakup, rather than walking away? spilling your guts, rather than keeping your thoughts to yourself? admitting you still love someone, rather than refusing to wallow in it anymore? What one person considers a weakness....the other person considers a strength....and vice versa. AND whichever way a person goes.....maybe THAT way took more strength for them than the other way would have. There are always exceptions....death, weddings, airports, piers.... Just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted December 13, 2003 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2003 Jenny said the following... you have a right to cry, and he's got a right to feel uncomfortable about it. honestly, i would be. i would start to view the person as a drain on energy rather than a joy to be with. but this is, of course, subjective. so, either you need to find an understanding boyfriend or learn to sublimate that rush of emotion into some other activity. who knows, though? maybe he'll become more accomodating to you, or maybe you can learn to be more acccomodating to him. Moimeme...I am now troubled that one of our once warm, connected, buoyant hydra clan, may have become hardened by the cold reality of the land outside the confines of the cave...I hope she truly is happy... Peace.... Curt Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 lol - i'm a warm girl; i've got no problem with crying - but definitely not in the first six months! i'm also pretty realistic. it may not be an ideal world, but it's what we got and i think it's good to protect yourself unless you can be relatively certain the other party will be able to handle you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Moimeme...I am now troubled that one of our once warm, connected, buoyant hydra clan, may have become hardened by the cold reality of the land outside the confines of the cave...I hope she truly is happy... Unfortunately, Curt, much has changed since the delightful days of the cave; we see no more of Beth or Clia and even Ryan has left Jenny departed for a time, as well - and you, too, have been MIA. The Clan has dispersed and with it went the spirit that prevailed then And of course Jenny is here and so quite able to speak for herself! Why would SHOWING the tear signify a more stronger character than hiding the tear? To me, because showing tears is still looked down upon (witness the trend of opinions in this thread) and so to defy that convention is to step outside one's expected parameters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sandy6847 Posted December 14, 2003 Author Share Posted December 14, 2003 You guys, I have cried for him only 2x in the whole month that we have been together. It's not all the time I hug him. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I no longer cry about ANYTHING! My buckets around the house are already full......LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by Sandy6847 You guys, I have cried for him only 2x in the whole month that we have been together. It's not all the time I hug him. yes; i dig; but those times might be enough for him to judge you mentally unstable. before i get screeched at: no, this is not ideal. but it IS how many men think. it's just a month. that's not really a lot of time in the human lifetime. certainly not enough time for most people to form attachments that will last a lifetime - the mathematics just do not support such an imbalanced equation. here's the thing: if you are crying, and he does not like it ~ ~ ~ YOU HAVE INVESTED MORE THAN HE HAS. period. women investing more, emotionally, is the default behaviour, it is up to you to find a guy who digs it and submits to it or change your technique. it's neither bad nor good; it just is. you can handle it by either retracting or forcing emotion; and your choice might influence the outcome of the relationship. i don't think 2 times in a month is any indication of restraint; it's normal for a chick; but if a guy cried two times after we held each other i would have sent him off on the remaining BC rails. cuddling should be fun, not uberdramatic, according to most of us non-hyper-emotionally-in-tune-types. i know this is harsh. and finally, you should find a guy who loves it when you cry. but they are rare, and it's good to know that now so you can hunt such men more expediently. this is a horrible post to read, i think. it is not at all ideal. you have a choice to hunt for your ideal man now, which is awesome, or deal with the men you find. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme I'm positive they do. I'm positive thousands of people do. However, my opinions are mine and don't require that people concur - as surely you've figured out LOL!!! I'm afraid to say that all attempts to corrupt the saintly Moimeme have failed, so now, I have to pull out the big guns! I will make a visit to Arabess's military base and round up all the squids and jarheads. I will also contact my Army buddies from the 101st Airborne Division. We will get you girl! Reinforcements are on the way!!! Colonel Vivid Badass Commander of Ground Forces, Fort Campbell, Ky 101st Airborne Division, Air Assault Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 saintly Moimeme :lmao: I have to pull out the big guns! I will make a visit to Arabess's military base and round up all the squids and jarheads. I will also contact my Army buddies from the 101st Airborne Division. We will get you girl! Reinforcements are on the way!!! Oh, right! You folks are kinda big on 'agree with me or I'll blow you away', aren't ya? Now, Vivid, you really must quit worrying about moi and turn your attentions back to Arabess, who clearly thinks you're the bees' knees. By your report, you harem is overflowing. That I don't join surely will not break your heart Besides, Curt had already won the Cave ladies long ago, I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme saintly Moimeme Besides, Curt had already won the Cave ladies long ago, I'm afraid. Oh, really, well, looks like I'm gonna have to change all that. There's a new sheriff in town! My harem is overflowing? Hey, the more the merrier!!! Oh, by the way, Moimeme -- This morning, on the way to my office, I almost got stranded in the snowstorm. My car got stuck going up a hill. I got out and looked for Arabess's Ford Escort and your little Honda Civic that has substance and plows through the snow like a little tank. Neither of you came for me, so I went back in my car and rested my head on my steering wheel. I cried and cried and my tears started to freeze to my face, from the bitter cold. I reached for my long stemmed white roses and they shattered in my hand. Thank goodness, I was unable to get my car unstuck, but you didn't come for me. Moimeme, I was stranded and it's all your fault. ~Viv the Saint Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 See, Viv, you'd have had to call me to ask for a ride. Not a mind-reader, me, no matter how many powers you may ascribe to me! But that was good. I was touched, briefly. Like the roses bit. There's hope for you yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 [color=red]..........hey Moimeme.....don't pick on me because I happen to gravitate towards men who happen to know how to give a perfect 'salute'...[/color]............ Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme But that was good. I was touched, briefly. Like the roses bit. There's hope for you yet! HAH!!! Aren't we optimistic! I better stop. You might end up falling for me and I'd break your heart. Don't mind me; I'm sure you understand that I'm just trying to keep you protected from me -- trying to spare you some heartbreak No matter how irrestible I may be, to you, don't fall for me, Moimeme. I'm bad for you. $$$$$$$$$$$$$###########<<<<<<<<<<<<< ~Vivid Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by Arabess [color=red]..........hey Moimeme.....don't pick on me because I happen to gravitate towards men who happen to know how to give a perfect 'salute'...[/color]............ Atten.......tion!!! Pre......sent......arms!!! For your above statement, Arabess, I salute you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by Sandy6847 I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND, NICK, FOR A MONTH. I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH. WHEN I'M WITH HIM AND JUST STARE AT HIM OR HOLD HIM REALLY TIGHT, I START TO CRY. HE ASKS ME, " WHY ARE YOU CRYING?" I TELL HIM, "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU." ............. IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO CRY INFRONT OF HIM OR IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO CRY AT ALL FOR HIM? Dear Sandy, I don't know if it's wrong to cry in front of him or not....But after reading everyone's posts ( which was a trip) I would have to say that you will probably figure out if your boy is comfortable with this or not. It sounds like you have some intense feelings going on... My question to you is are your feelings for him joyful (happy) or sad, melancholy in essence?...because I know what you are experiencing and when I did get misty-eyed in front of an ex, it really had very little to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sandy6847 Posted December 15, 2003 Author Share Posted December 15, 2003 My feelings for him are joyful. I cry because I'm so bless to have someone like him in my life. He makes me very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Originally posted by Sandy6847 My feelings for him are joyful. I cry because I'm so bless to have someone like him in my life. He makes me very happy. Well here I am going to shoot my mouth off.... If you want to cry in front of him ..then do it... If he starts getting weird about it, then stop... IMO, if the sex is good between you two, then he should be crying tears of joy and gratitude himself! disclaimer... Last comment was made in jest and goodwill..not meant to offend.. .. Link to post Share on other sites
MAC Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Stop crying and have some fun. Caps are not welcomed when reading posts. Don't yell. People generally cry for other reasons when they are with someone they love. Link to post Share on other sites
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