Boyfriend's female best friend spending holidays together...?

[dreamergrl]

Question for all those claiming he has ulterior motive and his "gf" has the right to be annoyed.

 

She says she has been with him since september.. just how many dates are we talking here? 2 per week every week? once a week? 6 dates total over the 2 months? Busy schedules and such may have this 2+ month relationship of theirs on such a rollercoaster they could be the type that has only gone out a half dozen times since they hooked up.

 

Is there an ethical difference in this situation if.. they have been dating since september

 

1. They have seen each other maybe 4-6 times over that 2+ month period. Is he still such the devil that he didn't invite her to meet his parents?

 

2. Who invited the ex? Him or his parents or is she going as a tradition?

 

3. Has he told her they were exclusive?

 

Keep in mind he was honest and told her outright what was occuring on the holiday so he hasn't attempted to hide anything.

 

OP said they are pretty much attached at the hip.

 

I get that they haven't been dating for long, but I can see why this would bother her.

 

He could have at least said, I'd like for you to come, but I think it may be too soon to meet my parents.

[Els]

I wouldn't make the issue about the girl, but instead about why he didn't invite you to come along with them. It isn't a male-gathering sort of thing so he doesn't have that sort of excuse. If you can't meet the parents how come the friend can?

[threebyfate]

starskytwo, if I were you, I would focus less on how trustworthy he is and more on his lack of respect for your feelings. He's invalidated your feelings and then, has the gall to suggest that you need to learn to eat it. Big, RED flag!

[angie2443]

I don't think he's right for you and this is a pretty good indication of what he'll be like in the future.

 

I think this is most likely true.

 

If this girl is truely his best friend, then there is probably going to be some competition between his girlfriend and this friend in the future. Actually, it seems like it has already started.

 

OP, I would evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. Where do you want it to go? Where does he want it to go? If you both feel you want to move the relationship forward, then you should establish some bounderies regarding his friend.

[16thstreet]

Your BF has been honest with you. I think maybe he's been too honest with you because you cannot accept that he once had an attraction for this woman and no longer does. You now question it and feel jealous.

 

Regarding some of the comments about the f* factor of this woman . . . even if he did have an attraction that sprung up from long days past (a feeling), that does not mean that anything inappropriate would happen (an action). Trust me, even though you two are joined at the hip, he still has plenty of feelings of attraction for women he sees throughout the day -- he just does not act on them because he cares for you. And if something happens, well, then you have something to talk about, get pissed about, break up over. The rest is just hypothetical.

 

I think that you are over-reacting. Granted, you cannot control how you feel. You can either share your feelings with your BF in hopes that he will understand and assuage your insecurity or you can try to keep it to yourself and give it time to see if your discomfort is an immature jealousy or really something to be concerned about.

 

It would be helpful if you clarified the statement that "she would be going with him and his family someplace for thanksgiving"--like to a restaurant for dinner or something on the day of Thanksgiving? Or are you talking about an overnight holiday trip? If it is just to share Thanksgiving dinner, you are definitely going off the deep end here.

 

Did you ask why she wouldn't be spending the time with her family instead?

[16thstreet]

I think this is most likely true.

 

If this girl is truely his best friend, then there is probably going to be some competition between his girlfriend and this friend in the future. Actually, it seems like it has already started.

 

OP, I would evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. Where do you want it to go? Where does he want it to go? If you both feel you want to move the relationship forward, then you should establish some bounderies regarding his friend.

 

Sometimes you do not have to be so forward about this boundary setting. Remember that your relationship, while certainly intesnse, is very young.

 

My BF has a woman he calls his best friend. They are peas in a pod personality-wise. They live in the same city and right now I am a few states away. They have a date night even every week or so. How much jealousy or suspicion do I feel regarding their relationship? ZERO. Have I had to set express boundaries on their relationship? NO. Why? Because he is open and honest with me and I know her and him and trust them both.

 

You haven't had the chance to meet this woman. For all you know, imagining herself with your BF might be the most absurd thing to her.

 

It seems to me that your BF is being really open and honest. Where my red flags start going up is when the BF becomes guarded and starts coveting his privacy in odd ways. Just be careful about over-reacting, because that tends to drive guys to being guarded faster than anything.

[WeirdedOut]

u have all reason to feel a little offended if he didnt invite u and instead he invited his friend, thats really bad, i mean u are his girlfriend. When I met my boyfriend al we had was less than a month together last year and he took me to his parents house for christmas, thats just... u know obvious. so i dont blame u for feeling annoyed, i'd be the same way too!!!!!!!!!

 

If u look at it like he said he did, just as a sister, I mean come on now, who would invite their sister to anything without asking his girlfriend first, especially when they just started being together he shouldn't want her outta his sights, especially when he had the hots for his "sister" if u ask me I think he is maybe holding onto alittle bit of hope, just slightly...

[SadandConfusedWA]

• Strong attraction doesn't just die like that. If he wanted to f$%^ her in HS, he wants to F^%$ her now.
  

 

• He might even be hoping that she will be more into him now that he has a gf. This happens a lot.
  
• Males tend to settle for what's available and still hold on to who they desire most. For all you know, she could still be his #1 target, and you the consolation prize. Of course, he is not going to tell you that.
  
• This s$it wouldn't fly with me at all. I would make a big issue out of this and if he still goes ahead and spends holidays with her, regardless of you being upset, I would proceed with the dumping.