changedman Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 my wife, of 12 years but been together for 20, and i separated in may of this year. we have a daughter who is 18 and a freshman in college. since the separation i've tried to continue my relationship with my daughter but she doesn't answer my calls. but when she feels the need to call me it's because she needs/wants something. she never calls just to say hello or to see how i'm doing. so, one day she called back in september and i didn't answer. i figured if it was important she would call back or text me. instead, she told her mother that i didn't answer when she called. her mother, my stbxw, in turn sent me an e-mail telling me not to contact "her" child anymore and that i was being selfish and i'm pretty sure she told our daughter not to try and contact me again. well, it's been two months now since i've talked to my daughter. should i continue with this nc or should i give in and call her? Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 You should call your daughter and talk to her. Make her realize that you love her and want the relationship with her. There is no need to play games with no contact. It sounds as if your ex may be working against you here. Make every effort to talk to your daughter and work things out with her without slinging any harsh remarks about your ex also. She will realize it all in good time anyway. But, make the call... and keep calling until she answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 At her age her brain is not yet fully developed especially when it comes to rational / logical thinking. (Which is why 'children' her age sometimes make bad decisions that get them into trouble) As her Father its your responsibility to rise above this "parental alienation" and struggle through (possibly for years) to not only maintain contact, but to nurture the relationship with your DD (Dear Daughter) to the best of your ability. Be there for her not only financially but emotionally ~ even if its only one-sided for possibly a very long time. Some former spouses when they divorce you ~ want you completely out of their lives and the lives of their children. They can accomplish this only if you let them. Call her. And yes you will probally have to struggle and suffer through the heartache of one-sided conversations and such. But you need to stay focused on the future rather than the present. And that may be a long time coming. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodDad Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Don't give up on keeping a relationship with your daughter. I was estranged from my father for a while as an adult because I never got over the hurt of him leaving my mom. He tried to rebuild a relationship with me and we were starting too when he did several years back. I still regret to this day we didn't have a better relationship as a lot of that was my fault. Don't give up on your daughter even if she is being stubborn. She will come around in time. Take care, GD Link to post Share on other sites
Jackie-Jhonson Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Sorry to say it, but to me all this looks like a high school games. You are 2 grown up persons and you have a child - just call her, ask her how is she doing and tell her you would love to see her and your doughter! Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 yep yep yep. she needs you and always will. keep contacting her you will have to do all the running for a while but she will come round she is hurting too and feels she needs to take sides. its not a game and you are an adult. Take the knock backs and keep trying. I promice you it will pay off.might take years but dont turn your back on her xx Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Yes call her, also college kids only call their parents when they need stuff. Call her and explain what happen and don't take everything so personal. Don't worry about your ex, treat her like what she is.......your ex Link to post Share on other sites
Author changedman Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 thanks everyone for the helpful and much needed advice. my daughter called my mother and said that she will be over for Thanksgiving. so, hopefully we can sit down and talk and work on our father/daughter relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 thanks everyone for the helpful and much needed advice. my daughter called my mother and said that she will be over for Thanksgiving. so, hopefully we can sit down and talk and work on our father/daughter relationship. That's great, CM. Here's wishing you the best of luck and a happy Thanksgiving. Link to post Share on other sites
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