McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 yup. called her saturday night, aout 3 minutes in the phone goes off. i say what happened? she says oh i blocked your number...so i said then why did u pick up? she said she wants to see how my life is... i asked if there will be a 2nd chance, she said she cant predict the future. yeah...ill take a hint now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 She sure is iffy. She blocked you but she answered?? Her reply is definitely not very kind.... not the yes or no answer you would like, but a sort of vague and sarcastic reply. So... have you had enough yet? Ready to move on for realz this time? Or are you looking for more?? lol Link to post Share on other sites
rp123 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 yup. called her saturday night, aout 3 minutes in the phone goes off. i say what happened? she says oh i blocked your number...so i said then why did u pick up? she said she wants to see how my life is... i asked if there will be a 2nd chance, she said she cant predict the future. yeah...ill take a hint now... How did it feel breaking your NC? What made you do it.....? And is there a new man yet.....? I want to break my NC sooo bad.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 how did it feel? well yesterday was that day 1 NC depression. it didnt end well, i shouldnt have called.... but i knew that already. ive been pyscho-analyzing the whole thing, and it comes down to attention. i wanted her attention, even if it is in a negative light (hence cursing at her in the past). LS plays into this too as I use my mistakes to start a thread, get some attention. And then in my life everyone feels bad for me or whatever. i am insecure and I ruined the best thing in my life. she wasnt perfect but loved me, and I used that to torture her, to she said enough. its a horrible feeling knowing you sabotaged something great and pure. yes she cheated (just kissed), but she told me the next day, confessed and asked for forgiveness, so a seed of doubt was in my mind when she became distant (this was over a year ago). i really have learned a lot about myself, how i use and put down others to make myself feel good. by moping around when im out or work i get sympathy and although now its waining im using that also, people being like when are you going to get over it? and maybe every time i start to, i call her, just so i can feel bad again. just so i can pity myself, and have others pitty me. this realization came yesterday as I sat alone in my kitchen. WHat was I doing? it wasnt about self control, as ive quit cigarettes and done diets, it was that I fiended for attention in my life and found a way to suddenly get a lot of it from everyone. and thats ****ing sad. i had a breakthrough (read all the books, abandonment, no more mr. nice guy) and could never find the exact answer. but this is it. the same reason i misbehaved as a kid just for attention. the same ****ing reason, but this time i lost t he love of my life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) and thats ****ing sad... i need to go away by myself for awhile. and not tell anyone. jsut get my ehead strait and realize how immature, insecure and selfish i was. i wish i could tell her this. i wish i could go back and not treat her like this. i loved that girl and still do. and to move on now, i learned the greatest lesson. Edited November 23, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
rp123 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Sorry for you..... I feel the same. I'm desperate to contact my Ex. She's got someone new, but we were together for 8 years. Sometimes I seem to want to torture myself with feelings of what I could of done. She always wanted more than me, and I so took her for granted..... Even after 70+ days of NC, I torture myself with negative thoughts everyday, and contemplate calling her, just to hear her voice and receive some pain.. She has become such a habit. She is all thats in my mind..... When will it stop!!! Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 hey honey I send a hug. its a horrible thing when the penny drops you are not perfect. But guess what???? none of us are!! as you say learn from it. Its fab. x Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 but this is it. the same reason i misbehaved as a kid just for attention. Freakin' AMAZING insight about yourself! I know that MUST have taken a lot of mental work on your part... really, that is an amazing self-discovery. So the deal is that you misbehave for attention. Are you the second eldest kid in your family? They call that the rebel, usually the second eldest picks up those traits. You want attention, so you misbehave. There is a positive side to that trait. You are not misbehaving because you are bad. You are acting out because something is wrong. And instead of addressing it like an adult, you act out... badly! You identification of issues is valuable, you only need to work at how you express yourself, how you address the issue. the same ****ing reason, but this time i lost t he love of my life... YOU are the love of your own life, McG. As ridiculous as that may sound at first, it is true, absolutely true. You didn't lose the love of your life, you've probably never even seen it! With all this self-reflection you HAVE changed, you ARE a better person. You WILL have better relationships. I think that's why they say it gets better and better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 i am the middle child. i mean i can think of times when im by myself and im fine. and then someone would walk in the room or call and I would start the pitty train. i am confident. this just put me on my ass and will make me grow up a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 More hopeful than my situation, when he left he said it was final. yup. called her saturday night, aout 3 minutes in the phone goes off. i say what happened? she says oh i blocked your number...so i said then why did u pick up? she said she wants to see how my life is... i asked if there will be a 2nd chance, she said she cant predict the future. yeah...ill take a hint now... Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 it was that I fended for attention in my life and found a way to suddenly get a lot of it from everyone. Simply Brilliant...and now you know it is no longer about her. but this time i lost t he love of my life... BS...sorry but BS. I will make you a deal if you still believe that statement when your 50 year old, I will buy you a flying car (there should be flying cars by then) Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 i told my shrink this, he sort of agreed. said it was more about how i only want women who i cant have. very interesting (and true) because i ignored my GF a lot of the time i think. anywho, i said i was scared i would never get laid again and he lol'd. i said why is that, he said because i have a nice disposition and can entertain a room. HEY NOw! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 wish i didnt break NC. was at 16 days. now i start again and the pain, the sleeplessness the everything is back for i think like the 7th time. why do i keep doing this to myself? been 7 days, 10 days, 25 days, 4 days, 8 days and now 16. ugh...i wish i could just add it up Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Stop adding. It's going to drive you nuts. You know what helped me the most? Seeing and reconnecting with all my old friends/love interests. Such a blast to see how they were doing. Dude, I am on over 6 months NC. I'll NEVER break it. EVER. It's hard as hell in the beginning, but way better than being strung along and dragging it out. Here's my advice: **** her answer. Don't ask her anything anymore. She is garnering sick pleasure from the fact you still ask for second chances. So take that away. Block her number right back. Block her FB. Her MS. Take all her sh*t from your house and throw it in a bin and tuck it away for perusal at a later time (important!) Get a hobby. I chose Muay Thai. I now go to the gym and work out, but it helps me focus strictly on Muay Thai and learning technique to bash face in. It's teh awesomenezz. Finally, when you're ready, burn her possessions. It's very releasing and it feels great to take control back for yourself in your own way. Also- give yourself time. Time to heal, learn, and in general live life. Do stuff you wanted to do that she never wanted to do. Make this whole thing about discovering your new self. Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
rp123 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 wish i didnt break NC. was at 16 days. now i start again and the pain, the sleeplessness the everything is back for i think like the 7th time. why do i keep doing this to myself? been 7 days, 10 days, 25 days, 4 days, 8 days and now 16. ugh...i wish i could just add it up I'm going to start taking bets on how long it will be until you break NC again!! Watching you constantly break it, is one of the reasons I don't. I'm terrified of being rejected or blocked. I'd prefer the silence, most of the time anyway.... Good luck this time though....!! Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) yup. called her saturday night, aout 3 minutes in the phone goes off.QUOTE] 3 minutes.....that's got to be between 60-100 rings? Did you seriously let the phone ring that long? please stick to NC Sili, welcome back. Edited November 23, 2009 by DustySaltus Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 yup. called her saturday night, aout 3 minutes in the phone goes off. i say what happened? she says oh i blocked your number...so i said then why did u pick up? she said she wants to see how my life is... i asked if there will be a 2nd chance, she said she cant predict the future. yeah...ill take a hint now... Every time a dumpee tries to convince a dumper that they should "take them back" the dumpee is simply forcing the dumper into a cage. And what happens when you cage someone up? The first thing they want to do is get OUT of the cage. Your situation is like every situation (I don't care what anyone says) when trying to win back the one we love. You can't MAKE someone love you. You can't MAKE someone want you. You can't MAKE them do anything. By pressuring them to take you back, you are making them uncomfortable. You make them resent you. You simply solidify every reason they ever had for leaving you in the first place. Now I ask you, my friend -- why on Earth would you want someone who doesn't want to be with you? And before you answer, I have sat next to someone I was deeply in love with -- who couldn't have cared less about me. You want to talk about pain? I can't think of many situations that are worse than that. Leave her alone and move on with your life. The longer you stay stuck to her the longer it's going to take you to move on and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Good post, so true. Every time a dumpee tries to convince a dumper that they should "take them back" the dumpee is simply forcing the dumper into a cage. And what happens when you cage someone up? The first thing they want to do is get OUT of the cage. Your situation is like every situation (I don't care what anyone says) when trying to win back the one we love. You can't MAKE someone love you. You can't MAKE someone want you. You can't MAKE them do anything. By pressuring them to take you back, you are making them uncomfortable. You make them resent you. You simply solidify every reason they ever had for leaving you in the first place. Now I ask you, my friend -- why on Earth would you want someone who doesn't want to be with you? And before you answer, I have sat next to someone I was deeply in love with -- who couldn't have cared less about me. You want to talk about pain? I can't think of many situations that are worse than that. Leave her alone and move on with your life. The longer you stay stuck to her the longer it's going to take you to move on and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) 3 minutes.....that's got to be between 60-100 rings? Did you seriously let the phone ring that long?no after 3 minutes it shut off. which was weird. do blocked calls work that way? she probably just hung up. but then she called me back... why do i want her back? because i feel like no one ever looked at me like that. i know thats lame. and then i chased her away. ugh, and i keep doing it! why does she keep picking up? Edited November 24, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 why does she keep picking up? Because she really does like you, she really is interested in you. Your romantic relationship didn't work out, but that doesn't mean she's able to cut ties with you right away. Maybe in time you will be strong and confident enough to turn around and be friends with her. Just an idea. Or you can forever NC her. Your choice. Maybe keeping in touch is what she wants to. Just because she blocked you doesn't mean she doesn't still kinda like you. Your a likable guy, I'm sure... Hey, thought of you this morning. lol. Seriously. I was listening to my CDs and they were talking about patterns of behavior. You keep going back and going back to the thought of this girl. It's like that movie Groundhog Day, it's the same pattern of behavior again and again. And like in the movie, you have to recognize this pattern and realize that you are actually letting these circumstances and your behavior be destructive to you. You CAN turn around that pattern of behavior. It just takes choice, and a little effort. It's not just going to happen. You have to choose, you have to make it happen. Give it some thought. You've already identified patterns of behavior in your self discovery. Now you have to choose to be different. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 NC her forever. Seriously. Do it. It's liberating. Just repeat after me: She'll never see my face, hear my voice, or touch my skin ever again. Rinse and repeat. It's hard as hell in the beginning. WE ALL KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT DOING IT IS THE HARDEST PART. And guess what? Letting go is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. @Dusty - thanks bro, how you holding up? Link to post Share on other sites
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