guest Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Is it wrong to never want to have sex at all at no point in time ever and be married? I don't want anyone to touch me let alone kiss me and I feel perfectly fine....I guess you could call my feelings asexual.....is that wrong? I am not even interested in other men and before anyone asks, especiall not other women! I don't want to change, I like my life with no sex.....i am indifferent to it...but can you be that way and have a successful marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I'm not to the degree you are, but I can certainly relate to how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Yes and no. The fact that you don't want anyone to touch you is a sign of something. The fact that you feel perfectly fine doesn't mean that you are. Do you have abandonment or abuse issues? You don't have to answer that here if you don't want to, but understand that's something that contributes to this feeling. Human sexuality is a part of each person, and when someone shuts that part of them out, there is a reason for it, even if you don't know it. Have you talked to your husband about this? If he told you that it doesn't bother him that his wife isn't interested in him sexually, he's lying. See some kind of specialist in this field about what's happening, if not for your sake than for your husband's. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 How old are you?? Have you ever been in a relationship of any kind? Kissed? EVER had any sexual experience?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 You can have a successful marriage without sex if you are married to a person who also has absolutely no interest in sex. Otherwise, there will be major problems. Such marriages are fairly rare. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I am fed up pretty much with the whole thing on all levels....and yes my husband makes me sick to my stomach but I figured that I would at least have an interest in other men and I don't....I tried masterbation and that didn't even work so I have decided to just leave it alone because I feel that this allows me to put more energy into things that I love such as my kids, college, work, writing, etc...Thats why it doesn't bother me because I have so many outside interests that sexual desire is the least important thing to me next to what celebrity is wearing what....I just don't care. And yes, my husband is not happy with it but I really don't care....I have given him permission to sleep with other women because for me an emotional and mental relationship is far more important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 yes my husband makes me sick to my stomach an emotional and mental relationship is far more important to me. What sort of emotional and mental relationship can you have if he makes you sick to your stomach? Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Have you thought about the possibility that he will eventually fall in love with one of these other women that you have given him permission to sleep with? With your attitude, it is a definite possibility. Have you tried counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 well, seeing that we have been to one year's worth of counseling, and we have broken up 6 times in four years I could care less if he fell in love with someone else....what I want is like a roommate relationship (because we have two kids). Rent is high, he helps with the kids, we have shared resources, someone to talk to when I feel like it, etc.. But I am not worried about not wanting to sleep with him, I just don't understand why I don't find any other guys interesting...but right now I am perfectly happy with things the way they are....and if he left, big deal, not like I haven't left him and he hasn't left me before....is it wrong for me to like things just the way they are now? Because it actually works for me.....kind of like a "who's the boss" thing....I know some people who live like that just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I think you are doing a terrible disservice to your kids to raise them in such an atmosphere. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I have given him permission to sleep with other women I'm confused how you can still have an 'emotional relationship' with him if you know he's gettin some somewhere else. Maybe a friendship, but... well. I think it would be a good idea if you tried counseling, also. And definitely talk to your husband more about it. It is NOT a good idea for you to allow him to sleep with others, like cindy said - what if he falls in love with one of them, and leaves you? Are you uninterested in this marriage altogether? Possibly wanting a divorce? Or are you still in love with him? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 O goodness. Never mind about some of those questions. Does your husband feel the same way about you? Like he could care less? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Also, could the reasons for some of your split-ups have been that he was having an affair? When I found out my boyfriend had cheated, I didn't feel the same way about him, sexually and emotionally, for a while. Maybe it was some form of punishment that I didn't understand. But I didn't want him that way, until I was really able to forgive him. Link to post Share on other sites
Passby Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Hey, Guest! I think you are perfectly fine. And I believe, you look much younger than these woman who are at your age Link to post Share on other sites
passby Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 hey, guest! I think you are perfectly fine. and I believe you look much younger than the women who at your age. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Hate to break it to ya, passby, but "guest" doesn't have a picture on the site. Perhaps you're confusing her with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I'm sorry "guest" I didn't realize that you were married and had indeed had sex. Do you think your libido is just messed up? Have you gained alot of weight, become uncomfortable with your body, feel depressed, angry or several range of emotions? I seem to always go back to depression but I guess it's because the way you feel is alot like I felt when I was depressed. Treatment, counseling and exercise makes a world of difference. I went from being dead almost all over to being VERY ALIVE!! Maybe you just aren't inspired by your marriage, do you think it's dead? Do you hate your husband or just don't feel anything at all? Are you passionate about anything?? If you are happy with this existence, why are you asking questions?? Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I ask because I would like to only have emotional relationships with men from now on....I really wanted to know if sex is really that important to alot of people? I could care less if my husband fell in love with someone else...good for him. I don't want anyone sleeping in my bed with me, I like to watch tv by myself, I like to take my children to do stuff with me by myself, and generally I prefer to be by myself.....being that rent is really high where I live and we have two kids I kind of wanted a "who's the boss" relationship where we could be friends and live together because we have pooled resources, he helps with the kids, etc. We have been in a year's worth of counseling and we have broken up about six times in four years for various reasons....I would prefer to be his friend. But my major question is will men love me without sleeping with them? Because I don't see why they wouldn't..... Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 and yes, I don't feel anything sexually at all....I am only passionate about college and my children....that is what makes me happy. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I really wanted to know if sex is really that important to a lot of people? Yes. For many of us, sex is one excellent way to build and deepen an emotional relationship. It adds joy, passion, pleasure, fun, tension release, adventure, and secret shared moments just for the two of us. It's almost unbelievable that someone would freely choose to do without it, anymore than they would do without fresh air, sunshine, smiles, kind words, cozy sweaters, swimming at the beach, reading, laughing and talking with friends, walking....on and on. You know, the things that you look back on and SMILE. Sounds like your husband is one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 what I don't understand is what is so great about it? I have never enjoyed it in the five that i have been a partcipant in it.....you need air to breathe, food to live, water to survive....sex was never included in the list of things a person needs for survival.....I am not fond of it at all and i find it disgusting all the way around.... Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Your first post says you do not care about sex, but later you says it makes you sick to your stomach. If you just didn't care, I would say to think of it as dishes or laundry. To just make sure you participated to keep the marriage (husband) stable and healthy. But, since you are disgusted by it, you should seek counceling. Perhaps something happened to you previously that is affecting you now. I do not beleive it is healthy to be disgusted about sex with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I am disgusted with the thought of sleeping with ANYONE! But, I don't want this to jepordize any relationships that I have....I would like to be in love with a man (husband included) and never have sex with him....I wonder if that is possible....I hope so. Link to post Share on other sites
passby Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Originally posted by cindy0039 Hate to break it to ya, passby, but "guest" doesn't have a picture on the site. Perhaps you're confusing her with someone else. Why dont you ask her for one? Just to prove my beliefs. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Guest, you have a right to not want anything to do with sex. To find a man that would be happy in this relationship would probably have to be a man that is either impotent beyond help or alot older but I don't think it would be impossible to find love this way, it just may be harder to find! Again, it's okay if you feel this way, it's your right. The thing is....you may mentally hate sex and not want it and that could be because of something in the past (abuse), a medical condition or how you were raised. I'm treading lightly because I don't want to over ride your right to choose to have sex or not but I just wonder if something is hindering you from liking sex due to these things I suggested. Sex can't be the answer and end all to life or a relationship. From my own experience of feeling almost exactly as you and hurting my marriage (I did however have a time when I did like sex before I started feeling as you do now) because of it, I started reading about sex, learning about sex, reading sweet romance books where sex was like a beautiful, erotic banquet.....eventually my attitude of it being disgusting went to "I think I want that, again... BIG TIME!!"... If you are able to change your feelings about sex and start to have amazing sex with passion that just drains you....you will feel as if you need it like water, food and the air you breathe.... Becoming a Christian (I'm not a very good one at that) and having my child rates up to the highest and most glorious things to ever happen in my life BUT I will say this truthfully, the third highest is making love in the most passionate way! You're children and college are your passions and that's fine and perfectly normal BUT I honestly can say, if you were to have passionate and satisfying sex....you would put that in a catagory all by itself.... I'm sorry if I come off as a horny 36 yr old woman...hehehe...I probably am!! I do know where you are right now (I've been there) but I don't think you want to stay there forever BUT if you do, I believe you can exist that way also....happiness is based on what we make it not what it makes us!! Take care!! Link to post Share on other sites
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