VarietyShow Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 The main purpose of having sex is for reproduction, that's the plan that mother nature originally made for ya. But not everyone is programed the same. some people are straight, some people are gays, some are lesbians, some are sex-addicted, some hate sex...as long as they are happy with themselves, No big Deal. Sex is an obsession in US, in elsewhere, just a way of life. Not every culture encourages Sex. Most Buddhism Monks and Nuns don't have sex in their entire life....it appears they are happier than most of you here. Not everyone who dislikes sex was abused or had emotional hangups. dont use the never-change pattern to frame everyone. It's true the marriage sucks if one partner likes sex and the other hates it. and some marriages falls apart or one of partners has affairs becasue of lack of sex. But sex is not the only thing that maintains a marriage. Also studies show 65% love affairs don't involve SEX. So, you may still keep Ur marriage even you don't like sex, and you may lose your partner no matter how good you are in bed. One's meat, the other's poison. for these who like sex would never understand why you dont like sex. for these who hate sex would never understand why you like sex... ha, that's the way how this world runs. Aint you glad that we are all different? at least, you can see, it is the differences that made this forum alive. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 thank you very much VarietyShow! I feel that that is the problem with Americans is that we cheapen sex and then consider someone a basket case if they decide to abstain from it or don't like it at all....variety is the spice of life and more people need to understand this....I had a friend that had sex with her husband all the time like twice a day and he still left her....so sex is not everything in a relationship because there are people that have great sex with each other but don't get along at all and there are other people that never have sex and have outstanding relationships....at least someone understands that for some of us no amount of reading up on sex, playing with yourself, porn,therapy or self help crap will change us...we are exactly who we are and there is nothing wrong with that...now I need to find a guy that feels the same way too! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Why a guy at all? Go see my reply to you on your other thread... Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I actually do like men, just I don't feel anything sexually for them. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Personally I didn't object to you not finding sex pleasurable, or even tolerable. I more objected to the way you handled his feelings about the issue, like, if he doesn't like it, he'll just have to deal with it, end of communication. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I think I had a very unbias view considering that I've felt the same way about sex as guest at some point in my life (for at least 10 years)...I said that guest had a right to feel the way they do but in alot (not all) of cases when people HATE sex it's due to abuse or the other things I mentioned... There negative things associated with sex and how it is viewed but I think it was made for more than reproduction... Again, don't have sex, it's your right but you did leave yourself opened to at least be questioned as to way you don't want it! Link to post Share on other sites
kyrisma Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 It seems to me you can't stand this man at all, so why haven't you considered divorcing him? Like someone else said in a previous post, it's really a disservice to stay with this man you can't stand just for the kids... Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I love how people say that but it is easier said than done....especially when you live in an expensive area and have no where else to go and the only place where you and your children can go and afford (daycare for 2 kids is outrageous and minimum wage doesn't cut it) is the local projects where they have a murder once a week but you said screw it and put your name on their waiting list anyways and you still have to wait 18 MONTHS before you move into the projects because the waiting list is that long! Easier said than done! Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Guest, you sound sort of angry and bitter. I know your post was a question but it sounds like you are unhappy about more than sex...it's just a feeling I have.... Link to post Share on other sites
JonInTx Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I see three possibilities: 1) You're in real emotion trouble. Sexual feeling are normal, even if they aren't constant. You should be able to feel aroused by something, somehow, if you're within child-bearing age. Maybe you're gay? You say you like men, but aren't sexually attracted to them. Well, I like men too, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. Guess what? That means I work better romatically with women. Go see a counselor. 2) You're physically broken. Go see a doctor. 3) You're making this up as a "Guest" poster. My money's on this one. If the answer is 1 or 2, then not only are you physically or mentally troubled, you are a pretty bad person, too. You want your husband around simply to use him as a financial backbone and someone to talk to if YOU feel the urge. You have no consideration for him or his feelings and needs. Get thee to a nunnery. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 you are a pretty bad person, too Albert Ellis makes a very good case for his contention that there is no such thing as a 'bad' person. All people have much goodness in them. Some people do some unpleasant things ('bad' things, if you will). This does not make them bad people. Heck, even the Bible said we should separate the sinner from the sin. BTW, I was poking around Dr. Phil's site yesterday. There's a whole section on sexless marriages, including some stats. Seems there are a LOT of them. However, I do agree that that decision should be mutual rather than imposed by one partner on the other. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 wow, people really are crazy over sex! You can be attracted to someone and not want to sleep with them....amazing, huh? But it does happen! We have already been to counseling anyway and no hope there.....what is wrong with deciding that you just are tired of sex? It really is that important to alot of people, huh? Amazing! I could see if I had wrote a post saying "I want to stop breathing"....okay, that would be something to be worried about...but sex, gee, come on now....I want the people that have sex everyday 4 times a day to post here....and if there aren't many people or no people that post at all, yes, thats because we do do other things with our lives besides waiting for a piece of tail all day....people are amazing to me.....but all the things that you guys post up here just reinforce my decision not to have sex....no one has changed my mind yet! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 my sense is that most posters are much more concerned about your indifference to your husband and your evident bitterness than actual intercourse. other posters who talked about celibacy did not sound angry; you do. i think, more than anything, the people who have responded to you are worried about you and want to help, but i guess you are feeling as though you are being attacked. no one wants you to do anything with your body that you don't want to do. it's completely your choice whether or not to have sex. but it is clear you are much more obsessed with this decision than anyone here - you have posted more than one thread on the topic and use inflammatory language. whatever is going on in your mind is clearly hurting you, and often. Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 It was interesting to learn more about this topic and the decent percentage of Shackers that do this. To each their own, and I hope that it mutual when it occurs. I also hope that it never happens to myself or my wife because for us it is an intimacy that extends our friendship and love. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I want the people that have sex everyday 4 times a day to post here They're too busy. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I guess they are too busy....I am not angry, I welcome people questioning my decision so that I can be sure that this is what I want....but, the fact is, that I feel this way and over the time that I post here, nothing has changed and I don't feel bad about it....I went looking for statistics for sexless marriages and they are quite numerous (people that are married that don't have sex).....maybe I will get divorced in the future which is okay with me......I think maybe this would not be such a big deal if I did not have a partner....so this will be my final post and I realize that I have exhausted all options i.e. counseling, talking to other people, etc. and I still feel the same way. Thank you for all of your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
mc-shy-guy Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 it sounds to me like you only want your husband around for his financial support, and when you can't be bothered to look after the kids. you say you prefer to do stuff on your own, take the kids out somewhere on your own. It's not fair to either your kids or your husband. from what you've posted you only want a friendship, but only when YOU want it. It has to be a two way street for any kind of relationship (friendship, marriage, whatever) to work. you've already decided that you don't want that, and it looks like your using the 'i dont want sex' card as a smokescreen to hide the fact that you'd rather be on your own. Give your husband and your kids a break. Get thee to a monastery. that's the only place You'll be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
chanya_chip Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Originally posted by guest ...but right now I am perfectly happy with things the way they are.... If you're perfectly happy then why are you on this board asking peeps' advice? I would say you're way deep into self deception & denial. This seems more about you than about your marriage; I would see a therapist who could help you uncover the underlying issues here because there's something going on. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Therapist=The Rapist!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 yes, very clever. but meaningless. Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Guest, it is possible to find love without sex, however sex is part of marriage. i strongly believe that u should try and over come ur inner hatred towards sex(only with ur husband). consider urself lucky if ur husband wants u only, dont try to let him go coz men dont wait for too long. if u dont feel like having sex its becuase u r emotionally not ready for it, and its totally ok. Try to get help and discuss this issue with ur husband so hes aware of the situation; he may be able to help u and support u. best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
PUHLEEEEZE... Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Oh, guest... Please get Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"... You have no idea how much you are hurting your man by this decision you're making. Men are so very different than we are. A man being intimate with his woman IS like breathing is for us. If you really love your (and HIS) children, read the book and see if it doesn't help you change your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
life4him4ever Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by guest I ask because I would like to only have emotional relationships with men from now on....I really wanted to know if sex is really that important to alot of people? I could care less if my husband fell in love with someone else...good for him. I don't want anyone sleeping in my bed with me, I like to watch tv by myself, I like to take my children to do stuff with me by myself, and generally I prefer to be by myself.....being that rent is really high where I live and we have two kids I kind of wanted a "who's the boss" relationship where we could be friends and live together because we have pooled resources, he helps with the kids, etc. We have been in a year's worth of counseling and we have broken up about six times in four years for various reasons....I would prefer to be his friend. But my major question is will men love me without sleeping with them? Because I don't see why they wouldn't..... ... honey, you are using him. Link to post Share on other sites
life4him4ever Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by guest I am disgusted with the thought of sleeping with ANYONE! But, I don't want this to jepordize any relationships that I have....I would like to be in love with a man (husband included) and never have sex with him....I wonder if that is possible....I hope so. have you ever seen the mirror has 2 faces??? well, you should watch it... it deals with this :-) Link to post Share on other sites
life4him4ever Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by guest wow, people really are crazy over sex! You can be attracted to someone and not want to sleep with them....amazing, huh? But it does happen! We have already been to counseling anyway and no hope there.....what is wrong with deciding that you just are tired of sex? It really is that important to alot of people, huh? Amazing! I could see if I had wrote a post saying "I want to stop breathing"....okay, that would be something to be worried about...but sex, gee, come on now....I want the people that have sex everyday 4 times a day to post here....and if there aren't many people or no people that post at all, yes, thats because we do do other things with our lives besides waiting for a piece of tail all day....people are amazing to me.....but all the things that you guys post up here just reinforce my decision not to have sex....no one has changed my mind yet! the problem is.. it is not you in your marriage deciding this. it is YOU and ONLY you. you really have to consult your husband about this. I know I am a female and my husband really doesn't have a sex drive at all! it causes me to be very upset with him. but he loves me so he works on it. he doesn't just decide that he is tired of it. (if he decided he is tired of sex... he would decide he is tired of me.) why? because marriage is built on pleasing eachother and satifying eachother. 2 heads better then 1 kinda deal. if you do'nt LOVE your husband. especially enough to BE with him and please him and WORK on the issues... do him a favor and leave him. even if you do have to live rough. why should he support you if you don't support him? Link to post Share on other sites
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