trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) You never know what goes through an STBXW/STBXH's mind...LC is working....things are better, then BAM, they have a tif with the OW/OM and suddenly they want to come back to what is familiar? My STBX and I have been very LC for almost two weeks. Some drama with the son happened Saturday night (as always when he goes to his father's - or I should say the GF's house) and I had to speak to him about it. That actually went quite well, no fighting...no issues...we actually agreed on the situation and I let him handle it, that's what he is supposed to do as he is the child's father. All of a sudden on Sunday I get this text message thanking me for making him the man he has become. Wasn't sure if that was a compliment or if he was getting ready to blame me for something so I just shot back a ?. He replied with a simple Thank you. Essentially, I told him yw if that is positive for u but u make the man urself and what you surround urself with. Wished him happiness. Next thing I know is that he wants his wife back, wants to know if that is possible. There's a time in your life when you just have to stop and think.....how many more deposits and withdrawals are you going to make on your heart before you stop the rollercoaster from consuming your life!! I gave him every chance....even offered to forgive the affair if he would just work on himself for our marriage and he said he couldn't do that to the OW he had only known for a little while over a 3 year marriage and 15 year relationship. Now he realizes the grass isn't greener on the other side, admitted it, but he tried to work it out with these simple text messages? I told him the grass is never greener, but he chose to graze there so he can live with it. Today he tells me that he and GF are working on it, but it's complicated. He can't take his son for the holiday, son should have a tradtitional holiday with family. Told me I was a great mom because son is a perfect gentleman at other's houses and I deserved the credit for that. For once, I agreed to something he said. So, am I wrong for not giving this man a 200th chance in 15 years? Edited November 24, 2009 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Trippi, keep in mind what has happened everytime he's seemed to be remorseful. Don't let him set you up for another fall. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Trippi, keep in mind what has happened everytime he's seemed to be remorseful. Don't let him set you up for another fall. TOJAZ I know....I'm just wondering how long the leaver's do this for. How many times they come back knocking on that door only to leave again, not take those steps they need to take to make themselves better, work on what is wrong with them?? Tonight, I talked to some of his family and found that he is yelling and screaming at everyone. He's having issues with the GF....same ones we had....not surprising. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Oh! You are so, so, so very wrong! The grass is greener on the other side! That's because there's more manure on the other side making the grass so much greener! If you've ever been to some one's home that has septic tank out in the country ~ there's a patch of ground ~ rectangular in shape that is much more greener than the rest of the yard? You've got it! That's where the septic tank is. "Is there a chance for you and I?" "You bectha! How hard are you willing to work for it, slave for it, work your way back into it? I want to see you sweat!" Not because I'm trying to be cruel or ugly about it ~ because I want to see your commitment to it ~ to us! I want to see a re-dedication to ourselves and to us! I want to see a renewed optimism and a clear sense of commitment to me and to us! I don't want to see any letup! I want to see a dedication to us! To our children to our marriage! I don't want to see any selfishness from you ~ and I want you to recognize that we're a team. I want to see a dedication to that team, a commitment to the team. That we share a purpose and a focus upon becoming the champions of our lives! I want to see a commitment to being relentless in the pursuit of our happiness, our marriage, our commitment to one another, our passion for one another, our marriage and our family. To being committed to taking care of the day-to-day small things so that the big things will take care of themselves. That we are responsible for our own happiness and for creating our own happiness. Simply focus on the fundamentals of becoming who and what we hope and dream to become. Quit throwing all of that away of a simple piece of @zz that every guy five counties around as already tapped! Wake up! I'm sitting here waving flags, settting off flares and rockets, jumping up and down, screaming and shouting for you to get off the tracks, because the Silverstreak Express is coming and you need to get off of the tracks before you find yourself trying to crawl out from underneath the train. I tried telling my wife the same thing? All she wanted was out? She just wanted everything from a 12 year marriage and she would wavier her so-called "rights" to my military retiremtent (Which in Ala at the time she didn't have any "rights" to at the time) Hmmmmmmm, (Doing a Glen Beck moment here! ) Give up $50-$60 worth of household furnishings that I would have had to replace over the course of the next ten years anyway for a half-million + pension, plus commissary, PX privilages, medical and dental dirt cheap etc. (Said in the latest GEICO commercial voice) K ~ bye! And that's what you LisaUK, Mr. MayI and the whole bunch should be doing ! "K~bye!" Because that's what they're doing to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 ...The grass is greener on the other side! That's because there's more manure on the other side making the grass so much greener! That has got to be the quote of the year!!! Thanks so much!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 That has got to be the quote of the year!!! Thanks so much!!! Yeah, that is a good one....LOL! I informed STBX about his "soul-mate" relationship that any relationship built on guilt and lies never ends good. He should think about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 I will tell you what I tell any man in this situation and that is to drop him. Let his new girlfriend have him because he is her problem now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah, that is a good one....LOL! I informed STBX about his "soul-mate" relationship that any relationship built on guilt and lies never ends good. He should think about that. Not to complain? But trippi? Your latest avatar is making me crossed-eyed! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Oh forget that Its the rum! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Not to complain? But trippi? Your latest avatar is making me crossed-eyed! LOL! Sorry Gunny, are you sure it isn't the Rum? Savvy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Oh forget that Its the rum! Knew it!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Knew it!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny: You and I would have made GREAT Priates! LOL! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 You and I would have made GREAT Priates! LOL! :bunny::bunny::bunny: I am the Great Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy love? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 No! Because I've got twenty years on you! I've always been crazy! But its kept me from going insane, (Said in Charltion Hestion voication) Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Wow Trippi, I really don't know what to say to you.... Would you be wrong not to give your husband another chance? I think he would have to do a lot more to deserve any of your attention. Like six months of proving that he was even worthy enough to be given that chance. I could just be saying that as I feel strong right now though!!! Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Trippi you are in control. Good place to be. Take him back? No!!!! Have him earn his way back.. Well that is up to you. If it were me I would sit down reflect and figure out what actions I need from him to gain back your forgiveness. What would HE have to do for you to respect him again. What would HE have to do for you to feel he loves you and only you. Once you go through the list of what ACTIONS he needs to do for you then you might need to figure out what you need to do to avoid resentment, anger outbursts, lectures, etc etc.. IMHO forgiveness. In the mean time..... Keep doing what your doing. Seems to be working. Let him sweat a little. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 god in some ways i would love to be in your position and in many more not!! i would love to see my ex grovel and want me back but I cant help but realise what he has put me through over the years and I NEVER EVER want that again. My innerself has shown signs of recovery at times and it would put me rightback to the pathetic accepting stupid woman I was before i found out about his affaire. every relationship is different. every person is too. If you want him back you have to be tottally convinced he wontput your kids and you through it again. My pratt left in february for two weeks when my other part of my life was hell (ailing dying dependants) and I asked him not to return unless he promiced never to do it again and have councilling. He promiced I was weak it didnt work. It will take you a very very very long time to belevie him completely he is committed to all of you if ever and he should be prepared to do the work needed and the long time it will take for you to let him back into your life. sorry i think I ranted a bit x Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 god in some ways i would love to be in your position and in many more not!! i would love to see my ex grovel and want me back but I cant help but realise what he has put me through over the years and I NEVER EVER want that again. My innerself has shown signs of recovery at times and it would put me rightback to the pathetic accepting stupid woman I was before i found out about his affaire. every relationship is different. every person is too. If you want him back you have to be tottally convinced he wontput your kids and you through it again. My pratt left in february for two weeks when my other part of my life was hell (ailing dying dependants) and I asked him not to return unless he promiced never to do it again and have councilling. He promiced I was weak it didnt work. It will take you a very very very long time to belevie him completely he is committed to all of you if ever and he should be prepared to do the work needed and the long time it will take for you to let him back into your life. sorry i think I ranted a bit x No, it's ok to rant, that's what the board is for. Control over another person is a fallacy, one person thinks they have it, but in the end...in the position of control....everyone loses, unless it's given up willingly and then only one person loses...which still is still a fallacy. Validation is when you call your STBX to let him know you are signing the papers and he is at the GF's house.....<talk to the hand> Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 > Validation is when you call your STBX to let him know you are signing the papers and he is at the GF's house.....<talk to the hand NO you didn't! You go Girl! Your all that a side of fries! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 Validation is when you call your STBX to let him know you are signing the papers and he is at the GF's house.....<talk to the hand NO you didn't! You go Girl! Your all that a side of fries! LOL!!! You "go" HomeBoy! Hmmm, think I like you better as a pirate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) god in some ways i would love to be in your position and in many more not!! i would love to see my ex grovel and want me back but I cant help but realise what he has put me through over the years and I NEVER EVER want that again. My innerself has shown signs of recovery at times and it would put me rightback to the pathetic accepting stupid woman I was before i found out about his affaire. every relationship is different. every person is too. If you want him back you have to be tottally convinced he wontput your kids and you through it again. My pratt left in february for two weeks when my other part of my life was hell (ailing dying dependants) and I asked him not to return unless he promiced never to do it again and have councilling. He promiced I was weak it didnt work. It will take you a very very very long time to belevie him completely he is committed to all of you if ever and he should be prepared to do the work needed and the long time it will take for you to let him back into your life. sorry i think I ranted a bit x Wow!! Can I still post to this thread?? Nobby...you are you babe....tables turned...long time in the waiting, and like many stories on LS...too late. Resurrected...just one more story to add to tonight.. :bunny: Edited April 19, 2011 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
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