carhill Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 He was persistent here, even if not irl. His irl actions were influenced by accepting advice and experience. The underlying tone was still one of persistence. His emotions did not change IMO, even as his actions did. That's instructive Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 yes, he was really keen to be with this woman, which is fine imo. What I meant was is that had he gotten after her, it wouldn't work probably. that would be creepy for a lot of women. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 yes, he was really keen to be with this woman, which is fine imo. What I meant was is that had he gotten after her, it wouldn't work probably. that would be creepy for a lot of women. Yup. She showed him signs of interest and he never capitalized on them. He asked her instead of just going for it. Spontaneity is romantic. Backing off to give her time to miss him was really the key. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I have known this girl for a number of years now, and have recently realised that I have strong feelings for her and would like to be more than friends. We are pretty good friends, meet up for lunch often and hang out together. I told her how I felt about her, but she said that she was surprised and that she looked at me as a friend and wanted things to remain that way. I really don't know what to do, I sometimes felt that she, too, had some feelings for me but that is obviously not the case. I still meet her often because I don't think I want to stop seeing her completely. I can't avoid her altogether anyway as we have hang out in the same circle. There isn't anything you can do. I suggest finding a new circle of friends because as long as you have feelings for her and she isn't reciprocating, you're both going to be very uncomfortable. Don't fret it. You took a chance and it didn't pan out but there will be others. Just do what you need to in order to move on. You will learn this one day: "There is nothing you can do to make someone love you." Zip Zero Zilch Nada Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 There isn't anything you can do. I suggest finding a new circle of friends because as long as you have feelings for her and she isn't reciprocating, you're both going to be very uncomfortable. Don't fret it. You took a chance and it didn't pan out but there will be others. Just do what you need to in order to move on. You will learn this one day: "There is nothing you can do to make someone love you." Zip Zero Zilch Nada Maybe you should try actually reading the thread rather then just blindly replying.. Considering you are so blindly mistaken its not even funny. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 There isn't anything you can do. I suggest finding a new circle of friends because as long as you have feelings for her and she isn't reciprocating, you're both going to be very uncomfortable. Don't fret it. You took a chance and it didn't pan out but there will be others. Just do what you need to in order to move on. You will learn this one day: "There is nothing you can do to make someone love you." Zip Zero Zilch Nada Clearly you didn't read through the whole thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Clearly you didn't read through the whole thread... Even reading the last page or 2 would have prevented this... Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Even reading the last page or 2 would have prevented this... :lmao: Hilarious. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 There isn't anything you can do. I suggest finding a new circle of friends because as long as you have feelings for her and she isn't reciprocating, you're both going to be very uncomfortable. Don't fret it. You took a chance and it didn't pan out but there will be others. Just do what you need to in order to move on. You will learn this one day: "There is nothing you can do to make someone love you." Zip Zero Zilch Nada They're already together big guy. LJBF is not permanent if you handle it correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Cali's trolling again Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 to dispute carhill's posts, this thread and many other here show that common consensus and experience do not necessarily turn out the same for most people. A subjective view is always also needed when dealing with intimacy because everyone's experiences will be similar and different at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Why do you feel the need to dispute my posts? We all offered perspective. The OP accepted what he felt was best for his situation and it turned out positively. Win for him In fact, I agreed that YMMV in my comments in post #224. I can say with certainty that few people here or IRL take the time and effort I spent on this thread alone to offer perspective on support of my issues. Hence why I adopted a cat Glad to see an effect... Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 so ive been reading this since he first posted the original thread, and im kinda in the similar situation in a way but im not as "OMG i REALLY like her" as the OP. so, about a week ago i decided to try this stuff out just for fun and its hilarious...because after 3 days of not talking to my friend shes been blowing up my phone and after about a week maybe week and a half now shes asking me to go on a date with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 so ive been reading this since he first posted the original thread, and im kinda in the similar situation in a way but im not as "OMG i REALLY like her" as the OP. so, about a week ago i decided to try this stuff out just for fun and its hilarious...because after 3 days of not talking to my friend shes been blowing up my phone and after about a week maybe week and a half now shes asking me to go on a date with her. Take this knowledge and go forth.. but beware the dark side.. Its just psychology.. Women (and people) want what they can't have and/or have to work to get Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 well its either this advice is really good....or that she hasnt seen me in 3 weeks and ive lost almost 20 pounds and have a ridiculous 6 pack now... Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 well its either this advice is really good.... Field tested and approved or that she hasnt seen me in 3 weeks and ive lost almost 20 pounds and have a ridiculous 6 pack now... Hmm that COULD do it also Link to post Share on other sites
james123 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 obviously it won/t work in all cases, but only when the girl likes you back. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Cali's trolling again Haha, I'm just at the stage where if there is no interest I pretty much say "Ok, if you think that's going to make me chase you, think again! And if your plan isn't that, then well, why should I waste my time?" Maybe my tolerance for BS has diminished over time but I think the more mature I become, the less crap I'm willing to deal with, ya know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 to dispute carhill's posts, this thread and many other here show that common consensus and experience do not necessarily turn out the same for most people. A subjective view is always also needed when dealing with intimacy because everyone's experiences will be similar and different at the same time. *shakes head* If it's easier to say that this was a fluke - go ahead. If you're too afraid to make a move on the girl you like, then you can convince yourself that this won't work for you. With that attitude it won't. But to deny that this methodology works at all is ignorant, because it does work. The difference is taking yourself out of the picture for a while. THAT'S the key the breaking out of the friend zone - temporarily cutting contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agentsmith Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 I obviously don't know if this would work for others or not, but this certainly wasn't fluke. If I hadn't done what I did, we probably won't be together today. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 *shakes head* If it's easier to say that this was a fluke - go ahead. If you're too afraid to make a move on the girl you like, then you can convince yourself that this won't work for you. With that attitude it won't. But to deny that this methodology works at all is ignorant, because it does work. The difference is taking yourself out of the picture for a while. THAT'S the key the breaking out of the friend zone - temporarily cutting contact. this post is confusing. Is this to dispute my previous one regarding what carhill said or to back it up? My post previous to this one was defending what you told the OP to do. I agreed with you that what you told the OP was right because his experience was not a fluke hence 'everyone's experiences is the same but different at the same time' >>>> that's why when faced with a situation similar to the OP (chasing someone with mixed signals) its not always the case that they're not interested which is the common knowledge here in LS forums. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I obviously don't know if this would work for others or not, but this certainly wasn't fluke. If I hadn't done what I did, we probably won't be together today. I think you were in an alternate friendzone. You were trapped because she was afraid to be with someone. Luckily her fear of not being around you anymore was stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 this post is confusing. Is this to dispute my previous one regarding what carhill said or to back it up? My post previous to this one was defending what you told the OP to do. I agreed with you that what you told the OP was right because his experience was not a fluke hence 'everyone's experiences is the same but different at the same time' >>>> that's why when faced with a situation similar to the OP (chasing someone with mixed signals) its not always the case that they're not interested which is the common knowledge here in LS forums. Ah. The way your post is worded is very confusing. I thought you were disagreeing with me. My mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 If it's easier to say that this was a fluke - go ahead. If you're too afraid to make a move on the girl you like, then you can convince yourself that this won't work for you. With that attitude it won't. But to deny that this methodology works at all is ignorant, because it does work. The difference is taking yourself out of the picture for a while. THAT'S the key the breaking out of the friend zone - temporarily cutting contact. I honestly don't mind a guy trying to break out of the friend zone. It can work, as we have seen here. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But I can also understand Cali's point of view. Why bother chasing a woman who needs to miss you before she realizes that she wants you? It just depends on what the guy is more comfortable with. That also raises a couple of questions. If you develop feelings for a female friend, doesn't cutting contact send her the signal that you don't give a damn about the friendship? And isn't your way also an all or nothing situation? If she still sees you as nothing but a friend after you cut contact, what happens then? You make it sound so simple, like there is no risk involved. Isn't it likely that the friendship will not survive this if she sees you as a friend only? This may sound stupid coming from me, as I am a guy that usually thinks it's not a good idea to have female friends. Nonetheless, or maybe because of this, I considered it a great loss when the friendship with my female friend ended. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 But I can also understand Cali's point of view. Why bother chasing a woman who needs to miss you before she realizes that she wants you? That's all I am saying. If you truly love someone and want to be with them, you don't need to take "a break" or ask for "space".... Link to post Share on other sites
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