jnj express Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Hey lastseen---lets do this by you going out of your body, and looking at this from an uninvolved point of view----We have a GF who gets drunk, who can't handle her licquor, who defies her fiance, who takes off her engagement ring, and messes around with another, who has given another oral sex, who has slept in bed with another twice, who has showered with another, who has spent the night in defiance of her fiance at least twice with another, And you think they never had sex. What planet did you fall from. DRUNKS EVEN WHEN DEAD DRUNK STILL KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG. I don't care how much you allegedly love this person, and why you would still profess to love her is beyond me. You only get one trip thru life on this planet. You had darn well better do it right cuz if you screw it up you don't get a second go around. You already know what life will be like with this person, she will drink on you, she will defy you, she will cheat on you----I don't care how much she claims to love you, maybe, on the even days of the week, the odd days she defies you? am I right!!!!! You know what life is gonna be like with her, is this what you want. You claim your friends, GF strayed but they got back together, and it was better, THAT WAS HIM WITH THAT GIRL, THIS IS YOU WITH THIS PERSON, NOT THE SAME GIRL, WON'T BE THE SAME RESULT. As the uninvolved person I would tell you to run from this person as fast as your legs will take you AWAY from her. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Hey lastseen----If you want to throw away $400 send it to me, I can find a good use for it-----Why would you even think of wasting the $400, on a polygraph test. You already know what went on, she has told you----whether they had sex or not, ORAL IS SEX, sleeping in bed, showering with the guy, defying you, getting drunk all the time, disrespecting you and your engagement by removing her ring, whenever she gets mad. What do you think all of things point to. As was previously said, you have no strings attached right now, just walk away it is the best thing that could happen to you, and don't forget send me that $400 I will put it to GOOD USE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Seriously, what do you need a lie detector for, you KNOW she lied! They can't predict future lies...but I can assure you the people on this forum are pretty good at it. P.S: There was no showering going on in that shower. Don't let yourself be that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Take the tv and then dump her. At least get something out of this trainwreck before you move on with your life. Absolutely. Forget the polygraph, what's the point? You know everything you need to know just based on what she's admitted to. I've been married a hell of a long time, and it's hard work under the best of circumstances. With baggage like this? You'd be doomed. And kicking the hell out of yourself for marrying her. Take the TV and run. Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I think were missing the point of where he is coming from. In his mind I think he equates the idea that if she didnt screw the guy (if that is true) with the notion that it would evidence some underlying boundary and foundation of trust. As in her feelings for him prevented her from consumating the deal. Also that he was then not completely cuckolded. But it needn't be repeated again, he need to recognize the rest is already bad enough Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I considered making her take a lie detector test. She agreed to it. She was also lieing. I finally realized WTF was I thinking? I was being stupid. I had all the proof I needed but I was changing my own definition of cheating just so I didn't have to accept the fact she cheated. The OPs woman crapped on him. His friend crapped on him. dump her & get the ring back. you can pawn it & buy your own HDTV. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 don't take no big tv from her,don't take no lie tests. man your chasing good money after bad, just move on. christ being a alky is enough for me to give the boot to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Jerseyboy. You pretty much got it this time. What she did was wrong and there's no denying that. But if the most she really did was kiss him then I may have a better chance of forgiving her. She says he wore his swim trunks in the shower and they never had any sexual contact. It's obvious there will be alot of trust issues from here on out. I'm typing from my iPhone so it's kinda annoying Link to post Share on other sites
traderho Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Dude I think most will agree that this one is a absolute no brainer, no reason for a lie detector, no reason for drama, no reason to doubt yourself. Kick her to the curb and move on. You have been playing the role of a doormat for too long already. In addition by acting like a man with some self respect and dropping her like a hot potatoe you may actually motivate her to change herself for the better. If you stay with her this will never happen. I know its easy to say all these things and a lot harder to execute on them, everyone thinks their situation is unique. Just keep your chin up and your resolve and take it one day at a time, if you get weak and take her back you may as well give her an engraved invitation to walk all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Well I guess they aren’t your really good friend. Sorry to hear this has happened. I guess you know the answer to what you have to do. as much as it sucks to think about. But you would be a fool to continue making plans with her. Unfortunately for you, I have to agree with reservoirdog1, there is probably more to the story than what she is telling you. And now that she has done what she has done, how are you going to trust her again? it will always be in the back of your mind, will she do it again? probably. Sorry to sound blunt. Even if she puts on a good “I am going to change show”, what about down the road? 2, 3, 10, years from now. think you are going to be able to rely on her to be loyal, faithful, trusting. Think again. She’s not happy, she is just feeling guilty. Pull the plug. Get her the **** out of your life. I would def call off whatever plans you have. Save yourself the grief down the road. You get married and you are really stuck. of course this is all going on the assumption that you dont want a cheating, drinking wife. if you do, than by all means feel free to marry this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 She cant control her liquor. Showers and messes around with your friends. Sounds like you have a real winner there Good luck with that one That is really unfair. She's a struggling addict, made a mistake, wants to get well, she is HUMAN, and seems like she wants to correct her ways Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 LastSeen, addicts are notorious for lying. It keeps their addictions alive and well. I'm in Al Anon working on my issues with being a codepdent. Maybe you can find a meeting in your area. Most addicts cannot just stop drinking and if they do, they still have the "isms' of addiction or become dry drunks, meaning they stop the drink, but still have the underlying reasons for why they drank Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 She says she wore his trunks? Cmon that's completely ridiculous. And even if that's wht happened, it is very sexual - I mean, under the shower, bare chest, with some random dude, after she'd been drinking?! I would NEVER do something like that to my boyfriend in a million years. Plus she did this after sneaking out on you and lying about where she was, after badmouthing you to all your friends about how she didn't want you anymore....c'mon - you need to get rid of this girl, she has no respect. The dude is probably lying to you on the phone because he is a) spineless or b) doesn't want the hassle of a confrontation with you or c) feels like too much of a b**tard to tell another guy on the phone that he received head from his girl - pretty brutal, to be fair. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Reddevil, you can only blame alcohol for so much. This was planned Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 She says he wore his swim trunks in the shower and they never had any sexual contact. (a) Bullshyt. (b) Even if, in some crazy alternate reality universe where unbelievable shyt like that actually happens, she was wearing his swim trunks... she was still topless, he was still naked, and they were fricking showering together. You know she gave him a handjob at the very least. Probably blew him as well. And that's at the LEAST. You love this girl. I sympathize -- you can't control who you love. The love for who you thought she was makes you want to believe that it didn't really happen, or that what did happen wasn't so bad. But your brain is telling you that it would be a huge mistake to believe her. That's true, isn't it? The breakup will hurt like hell, no doubt about it. But it will do wonders for your self-esteem down the road. You will have demonstrated, to yourself and everybody else, that you have basic requirements as to how you get treated, and she failed to meet them. Far better than taking her back, believing her lies, and having it happen again a few months or years down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 wow...sounds like my situation - a little. My fiance cheated on me too - even 3 weeks before we married. At least you know before marrying - I didn't know and married him. My advice - don't do it. As others have said, you have no strings - only time invested in this relationship. The fact that you poured your heart out on here indicates you are torn up and having a hard time accepting what she has done. Believe me - it's been almost 7 yrs since I found out and I NEVER did accept what he did. It will stay in my head and heart forever. I would leave her if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Reddevil, you can only blame alcohol for so much. This was planned I was not blaming addiction, I was not blaming anything. I was simply stating the reasons why she is the way she is. Addiction makes people do terrible things. If you understood addiction, you would get that Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I was not blaming addiction, I was not blaming anything. I was simply stating the reasons why she is the way she is. Addiction makes people do terrible things. If you understood addiction, you would get that Which is why tis a bad idea to be involved with addicts. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 He wore his trunks in the shower, what did she have on---come on, she is minimizing----obviously you will do what you want, BUT, listen to the experience of those who have been there. Walk away----you love her, out of site, out of mind, the love will dim. You have had 5 yrs with her, you are 3 months from getting married, and what does she do, spends 2 nights with another guy, in defiance of you, and disrespecting you, when you pleaded with her not to go, she went anyway. Gives the guy oral sex, how can you even want to kiss her knowing what has been in her mouth----she showers with him, sleeps with him once for sure and maybe a 2nd time. How hard do you have to be kicked in the head. Alcohol is not to blame completely, she knew what she was doing. She knew she was going to wreck your relationship she didn't care she did it anyway. She will do this again At the very least if you are bound and determined to live in misery and stay with her, DO NOT GET MARRIED Link to post Share on other sites
Curious-One Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 There is no way i would marry a alcoholic and a cheater. She fights with you everytime she drinks and gives back the ring... do you want that kind of drama for the rest of your life??? Furthermore, do you really want her to be raising your kids??You say she is trustworthy but she was talking to you friend behind your back from her home phone.. Than she slept with him...maybe no sex but gave him oral...same thing. Do you really want that girl to be your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Alcohol didn't make her cheat on you. It simply made it easier for her to do what she was already inclined to do anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Like I said earlier I've been talking to my sister alot because she left her Husband for a week. She went out of state to move with this other man. She then realised what she had and came back. She was shocked to see how supportive he was and she says it made their relationship stronger. They have been happily married for about 10 years now. She said you have to have faith and you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget but things will get better. On my side my fiancé has agreed to stop drinking and to stop talking to this other guy. I do have faith that we could be happy together. I just needed to know how to cope with the pain and suffering. I may look like a fool for staying with her. There is still a chance I could click and say what the hell am I thinking? As of right now she is still very important to me and don't see myself without her. Only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 You said she was agreeable to take a lie dector test. For your own peace of mind and also to determine whether both of you need to be tested for STD's, please go through with it. By the way, it is very common for a cheating spouse to agree to take the test then either back out at the last moment or they will confess on the day they are scheduled to take the test. Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 You said she was agreeable to take a lie dector test. For your own peace of mind and also to determine whether both of you need to be tested for STD's, please go through with it. By the way, it is very common for a cheating spouse to agree to take the test then either back out at the last moment or they will confess on the day they are scheduled to take the test. LOL Do people do these things oftem? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Don't be so quick to take her back, make her work her way back. Second, Im not bashing your sister but if she cheated she is not a good person to seek advice from. Even though she is your sister it is impossible for her separate her own situation from yours. The same goes for her H. Your sister will sympathize with your gf because it makes her less guilty and her H feels more justified knowing someone else is in his boat Link to post Share on other sites
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