Midnight Rider Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 She says he wore his swim trunks in the shower and they never had any sexual contact. LMAO!!!! That's too funny! But I wouldn't believe her. Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 No offense, but what does your sister know. She was the cheater. It wasnt her going through the pain Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 listen man my girl cheated last year. i dragged her through **** and it felt good to have her back and have her groveling. BUT she peaced out this year. why? because i didnt trust her anymore. so maybe when she comes back and ****s you and you feel like on top of the world..its just a matter of time before your heart breaks again BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER TRUST HER LIKE YOU ONCE DID. just saying Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Which is why tis a bad idea to be involved with addicts. I agree, my BF has been in recovery for 18 months now and it's been really hard to deal with all the pain that comes with addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Like I said earlier I've been talking to my sister alot because she left her Husband for a week. She went out of state to move with this other man. She then realised what she had and came back. She was shocked to see how supportive he was and she says it made their relationship stronger. They have been happily married for about 10 years now. She said you have to have faith and you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget but things will get better. On my side my fiancé has agreed to stop drinking and to stop talking to this other guy. I do have faith that we could be happy together. I just needed to know how to cope with the pain and suffering. I may look like a fool for staying with her. There is still a chance I could click and say what the hell am I thinking? As of right now she is still very important to me and don't see myself without her. Only time will tell. so now you have decided to stay? what has changed? what has she done to repair what she did wrong? any action? to just admit it - and to apologize is simply not enough. to take action and to make everything completely different is key... any words she uses are just emptiness given the situation at hand, especially knowing that she's fully capable of lying and covering up what she does. did she take the lie detector test? she should. did she get tested for STD's? she should - you too! i wouldn't marry her as scheduled - you need WAY more time to have her qualify as trustworthy... and a lot of change has to happen for that to even be a consideration. don't make this easy on her... she won't change at all if she's comfortable. she needs to get used to being uncomfortable, THAT is when she'll begin to grow as a decent person. what is she willing to do at this point - in order to grow and be a decent person? AA meetings won't be enough - she has a lot more work to do than just that... although it is a start... but THAT is just the tip of the iceberg. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Girls just don't make sense to me..they will put 5 years into a relationship..then just go crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 Girls just don't make sense to me..they will put 5 years into a relationship..then just go crazy. I hear ya man.... GO PATS! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Legend Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Break it off before you marry her Link to post Share on other sites
traderho Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 When she cheats on you again (which shouldn't take long) can you please come back and post so everyone can give you a big "I told you so" I honestly do not understand this type of spinelessness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 When she cheats on you again (which shouldn't take long) can you please come back and post so everyone can give you a big "I told you so" I honestly do not understand this type of spinelessness. You know I came here for help, and not to be disrespected. If you feel your comment is worth me reading, ITS NOT. I like to thank everyone that has put an effort to give helpful advice, whether it’s positive or negative (constructively). Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) Just let me give you some advice from someone who has been exactly where you are. It kills you she cheated, but in your head you keep making up excuses for her behavior. Like "if she had little sexual contact I can forgive it" and such. This is gonna be long, but read through this..and if after reading this post you still honestly wanna give her a shot..there's nothing I can do. Let's think about this for a moment. First of all, why do 2 people take a shower together if they aren't going to do anything sexual? Especially why would a dude be in there with his swim trunks? Doesn't make sense, and I'm sure she'll tell you she was in a bikini or some BS. Ever hear of Occam's Razor? It's a principle that means the most obvious and likely answer is usually the right one. I think it's pretty obvious this chick had some sort of sexual contact with this guy. Second, let's say you do get a lie detector test and she passes, which I honestly doubt she would at this point. If she passes, then what? She still cheated, and now you're the couple that needed to get a *lie detector* test done in order to stay together. Is it really worth it? You're really gonna shell out 400 bucks to find out something you can pretty much figure out for yourself anyways? At the end of the day the problem is you don't know if you can believe her. The trust is broken, and it can never be gained back. Everytime she goes out without you..you will be wondering what she is doing. Everytime you go to be intimate with her, you'll wonder..what exactly did she do with him? I wanted to forgive the girl I was with, I truly did..and for a while I ignored things she had done. However, I never trusted her again..and eventually I realized I had to let her go. I don't want be alone just as much as the next guy, but honestly it's better than just having to always worry if your gf is cheating on you. If maybe this next weekend is the weekend where she slips up again, or if maybe she has never stopped doing it at all. At the end of the day, this girl is supposed to be in love with you. Despite what she has said to you, actions speak louder than words. People always fool themselves when they believe that someone cheating has made the relationship stronger, I think you can at least admit you realize that now. She has completely disrespected you, and not only that, but she's tainted your relationship. If you stay together, you're basically saying you are willing to settle for a tainted relationship. Again: I've been in the exact situation, trust me when I say that at first you might be ok with that..but in the end you will regret it. You called yourself a loser, and you know what I don't know you, but from what you've typed so far I can't say you are. However, if you stay with this woman *that* is what makes you the loser. Again, I know it's hard, but you have to realize you're better off alone, at least for now. When you do find someone who doesn't do this kind of stuff to you..you'll be thankful. Don't get a lie detector test, it's a waste of money. Plus whether she passes or not the damage has been done. I mean so what she agreed to take the test, couple of things to that:1-she might think you're bluffing.2-people sometimes truly believe their own bs.3-stemming from number 2, these people often are arrogant or dilusional enough to think they can fool the polygraph, and sadly sometimes people just truly believe their own lies. My final advice is that you should get away from her, move out..do whatever you have to do. You're only a loser if you allow yourself to be, being a loser isn't about who you are, but how you let others treat you. Once again don't bother with a polygraph, whether she passes or not she's already cheated, and I think you know in your heart she probably did do something sexual with this man. Let her go, I won't lie and say it won't be hard, it will, but in the end you'll realize you're better off. Edited November 28, 2009 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Lastseenhere, If you truly want to work things out with your girlfriend, then so be it. No one on the planet can stop you from doing so, but just take into consideration what you're getting yourself back into and ask yourself if it's really worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 its ruined my life, ive lost way to many friends and my family despises her. Like I said earlier I've been talking to my sister alot because she left her Husband for a week. She went out of state to move with this other man. She then realised what she had and came back. She was shocked to see how supportive he was and she says it made their relationship stronger. They have been happily married for about 10 years now. She said you have to have faith and you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget but things will get better. So your sister isn't one of your family who despises her, then? Why is your sister the only one in your family you listen to? Because she's telling you what you want to hear? Is your sister an alcoholic? Because that's a key point with your gf and her cheating. The lies alcoholics tell and the damage they continue to inflict over and over on the people in their lives is very different from a sober person making life decisions. The other key point was that your sister was already married when she cheated on her husband and left him. When she came back, her husband was already married to her and probably felt he should try and make a go of it since divorce can be so difficult and complicated emotionally and financially. YOU are not yet married. YOU have a choice about the kind of woman you choose to tie your life to. Link to post Share on other sites
traderho Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 You know I came here for help, and not to be disrespected. If you feel your comment is worth me reading, ITS NOT. I like to thank everyone that has put an effort to give helpful advice, whether it’s positive or negative (constructively). I am sorry but it's very difficult to show respect to someone who doesn't have any self respect. Trust me whatever shred of respect I have for you is ten times more than what your girlfriend and "friend" have for you. Grow a pair and walk away with what little dignity u still have. Link to post Share on other sites
TimH Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Wow this is the first time on this board where I can say I do not feel sorry for the victim of a cheating,lying SO.Not so much cause he has taken her back but cause he didnt make her prove herself.There's nothing we can do even though we all know what the future holds for this guy.Some people have to learn the hard way.To bad so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Well about 30mins ago I told her to leave the apartment for a few days, told her I really dont think this is going to work and I need a few days to myself. She didnt believe me then cried when she realized I wasnt bluffing this time, and eventually left. Its only been about 30mins and im already wanting to call her to come back... but im not going to... I have plans with some guys from work to go out and see a band tonight. She doesnt know so Im sure when she tries calling me later she'll be pissed that I didnt tell her im going out... Well see... Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Enough is enough. Drinking, cheating, lying--do you honestly believe they showered together and didn't have sex? Please! This woman is horribly unstable and abusive. Don't marry her. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Hey you don't owe her anything----She broke the bonds of your relationship---not you. You can come, and go as you please. You don't have to go out chasing skirts, just go out and enjoy life. You have been hurt very badly, you need to do some things for yourself. You are getting excellent advice from people who have lived these types of situations. You probably will never fully trust her again, you will always worry about who she is with and what she is doing when she isn't with you. Going thru life acting like her jailer isn't worth it. Start new with someone else, and hopefully she will keep your trust and it will work out, you will have nothing but trouble if you stay with your present, what shall we call her, how about cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
aystro Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Well about 30mins ago I told her to leave the apartment for a few days, told her I really dont think this is going to work and I need a few days to myself. She didnt believe me then cried when she realized I wasnt bluffing this time, and eventually left. Its only been about 30mins and im already wanting to call her to come back... but im not going to... I have plans with some guys from work to go out and see a band tonight. She doesnt know so Im sure when she tries calling me later she'll be pissed that I didnt tell her im going out... Well see... Love is blind I have to agree on this one. This is not meant to be disrespectful but when you are in love you are missing reality. You are not a citizen of the earth. And you see everything much more different. But even getting drunk is already a fact of weakness. If she needs to actually get drunk( I'm not even talking about hanging around with men ) on a regular basis. I'm sorry but that already says that she i not receiving the pleasure she needs. This is not to say that you didn't give her enough. But it's most likely that she is depressed and doesn't do anything moral about it. So she drinks and other things come with that. She seems to be weak and you are stronger. Even though you love her, but don't forget that what she did are facts. These facts show distrust. You cannot erase that. It might seem illusional but there is no such thing as a soul mate. And believe it or not, if you put your effort into it, you will find another woman who will love you as much as you loved yours during those years. Good luck man Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Lastseenhere....take it from someone whose fiance cheated(although I didn't know until after the wedding) GET YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING BACK NOW!!!! Do NOT marry her. You WILL regret it, that I can promise. If she can so easily cheat and you aren't even married yet...what do you think will happen when the everyday life of being married and having a family set in? the 7 year itch is a powerful thing with women like your fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Just an update for the people following my story... I left her for only 2 days... came back to her... realized im still not over it and I bring it up and push it in her face still everyday. Its not fair to her, she says she really wants this to work... So 2 days ago I told her when need to at least take a break for a couple weeks. I have the feeling of heartbreak again because I miss her dearly. Well, I met another this week and we had lunch together. Had a great time with her.... Met another girl today who would like to go out to dinner one night... Is this wrong of me? What is a break? Do I date people while im away? I definetly dont want my fiace/gf doing this, but I cant control her. I definetly want to get out more and meet people, maybe then I will realize I dont deserve to be treated so bad... or maybe I realize that I want my fiance back and will try to work it out for good. Link to post Share on other sites
stayingstrong12 Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 once a cheater always a cheater my i took back my boyfriend several times after he cheated and he jsut kept doing it and i could never get over the fact that he hurt me like that so we fought everyday..its not going to get better cuz ull always think about what shes done..u need to find someone else that is willing to stick by u thru the good and bad and shes not it Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Just an update for the people following my story... I left her for only 2 days... came back to her... realized im still not over it and I bring it up and push it in her face still everyday. Its not fair to her, she says she really wants this to work... So 2 days ago I told her when need to at least take a break for a couple weeks. I have the feeling of heartbreak again because I miss her dearly. Well, I met another this week and we had lunch together. Had a great time with her.... Met another girl today who would like to go out to dinner one night... Is this wrong of me? What is a break? Do I date people while im away? I definetly dont want my fiace/gf doing this, but I cant control her. I definetly want to get out more and meet people, maybe then I will realize I dont deserve to be treated so bad... or maybe I realize that I want my fiance back and will try to work it out for good. you are right, you didn't deserve to be treated so badly. thing is, it's ultimately HER problem - and she has to do something about it. you cannot fix this for her... is she doing any counseling? she has a lot to do before you should consider seeing her again, if ever. i sure as heck wouldn't give her the inclination that things are all ok - that just encourages her for more of the same old behavior you've just experienced... sorry is not nearly enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lastseenhere Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Is it ok that a see other people? Sleep with other people? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Is it ok that a see other people? Sleep with other people? as long as you are honest with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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