mickleb Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 it doesnt matter. Hmmn. But it does though because we're on page 4. So, what is the answer to question 3? Thank you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 i went to school to be in television production. i spent 1 year after school looking and interning. when nothing worked out i took a job at my familys furniture store. i ****ing hate it. as i said i sit alone all day Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 You're young man, of course it could happen! See you DO have some positive thoughts in there somewhere:p i just went to the bathroom. looked in the mirror and said this... "**** her man, this is your life and your ****ing sad and pissed now because it ****ing revolved around her, make your own life" and then i had a day dream of moving to the city, meeting a girl, going out west with her, breaking up with her...moving back and meeting someone amazing to raise a family with. im 30 in this daydream. and back here in NJ but happy. it could happen, right? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Could you try to get back into TV production? Give it a try?? The job you have now clearly isn't fulfilling for you and maybe you need to be around people more. i went to school to be in television production. i spent 1 year after school looking and interning. when nothing worked out i took a job at my familys furniture store. i ****ing hate it. as i said i sit alone all day Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 i just went to the bathroom. looked in the mirror and said this... "**** her man, this is your life and your ****ing sad and pissed now because it ****ing revolved around her, make your own life" and then i had a day dream of moving to the city, meeting a girl, going out west with her, breaking up with her...moving back and meeting someone amazing to raise a family with. im 30 in this daydream. and back here in NJ but happy. it could happen, right? Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Though what thing can you do to insure the time between now and the move to the city, you can be satisfied? Then what things can you do now to make sure that time between you get to the city and meet that girl you can keep you happy? Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 i went to school to be in television production. i spent 1 year after school looking and interning. when nothing worked out i took a job at my familys furniture store. i ****ing hate it. as i said i sit alone all day Oo, lovely. I did for four years of this at uni! So, which aspect of production were you most interested in? Writing, directing, camera, sound, blahdy yahdy.? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) well i wanted to do camera. never worked out. now i write also in the NYC for a sketch group. thats my true passion now. thing is i havent been funny for 3 months. like besides incredibly depressing self deprecating humor. and ive missed opportunities (sketch ones) because ive been in this funk so to answer greyclouds, if i got a job i enjoyed with some people at it (preferably young) i could be satisfied i think. and a new GF maybe. maybe not. but just see some girls that have their heads on strait. is everyone's 20's this tough? Edited November 28, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 well i wanted to do camera. never worked out. now i write also in the NYC for a sketch group. thats my true passion now. thing is i havent been funny for 3 months. like besides incredibly depressing self deprecating humor. and ive missed opportunities (sketch ones) because ive been in this funk so to answer greyclouds, if i got a job i enjoyed with some people at it (preferably young) i could be satisfied i think. and a new GF maybe. maybe not. but just see some girls that have their heads on strait. is everyone's 20's this tough? no, just the intelligent and creative ones. But your answer are not about you it is about other people. Back to work what can YOU do (even if no one else is around for a good long time)? By the way, Woody Allen made a whole career out of this behavior, but then again he ended up marring his daughter and you don't want to do that so maybe I need another example... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iK7HVEwiuo . Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) ok why i freak out constantly: i just dont think i will find a girl like that again. she was beautiful, sexy, caring, no drama, a greta cook, great job and was truly a nice decent person. **** i miss her bottom line though: she threw me away. hard for to blame her though as i acted possesive and non-trusting and insecure. hard lesson to learn. i read the cheating or dating threads and i freak out. i dont want to date I dont want to meet someone new! i want my baby back. so bad. im so sad. i miss her so much. and i called her the worst names ever. i miss her so much. gawd it hurts my soul. Edited November 28, 2009 by McGrupp Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Being dumped is excrutiatingly painful, especially when you are young. Everything seems so magnified and are "be all and end all". What I can do for you is give you the perspective of TIME. I am 52, and I can tell you that about 80% of all the people who will be important to you at my age, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET. Also, one of the most important lessons I've learned in life, is DON'T FORCE THINGS. I have forced some things to happen, one was my first marriage, and it was a terrible mistake. Sometimes people leave our life for very good reasons, but these reasons may not be obvious until you can see your life years later. Thirdly, you must look at your strategic mistakes in this relationship and learn from them. When we are young, we unconsciously repeat dysfunctional patterns we learned at home, and we choose people for relationships who help us "play it out one more time'. Look at your situation and ask yourself what pattern you are repeating unsuccessfully. One thing I hear as a thread in your posts is how extremely hard you are on yourself. Did you grow up in a family where you were never good enough? Do you have an anxiety problem or suffer from a bit of OCD? If so, you must get a handle on this otherwise this same problem will repeat. Try to stop the voice in your head that is punishing you and telling you that you are dog doo. We all mess up terribly at relationships when we are young. I have started my second marriage at 50, and I can't even begin to tell you how many terrible mistakes I made in my first relationship!! In the last years of my last marriage, I wanted to die. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I wished I could have an accident...I am SO GLAD I did not. I would have missed the LOVE OF MY LIFE WHO I FOUND AT AGE 50!! The last thing I have to say, is that when you are young, hold relationships much more loosely. We are all kids in our 20's, people are fickle, come and go, and most of the reasons they leave us, have more to do with their own dysfunction than yours anyway. Go more with the flow next time, and don't grab at people. Think of it this way. If you want a beautiful bird to land on your hand, do you swipe at it and try to grab it, or do you leave your hand as a pleasant perch where they can come and go...See?? You will get through this, and there will be more women in life for you. They are everywhere if you just can open your eyes to the possibilities.. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) ok why i freak out constantly: i just dont think i will find a girl like that again. she was beautiful, sexy, caring, no drama, a greta cook, great job and was truly a nice decent person. **** i miss her bottom line though: she threw me away. hard for to blame her though as i acted possesive and non-trusting and insecure. hard lesson to learn. i read the cheating or dating threads and i freak out. i dont want to date I dont want to meet someone new! i want my baby back. so bad. im so sad. i miss her so much. and i called her the worst names ever. i miss her so much. gawd it hurts my soul. Do you see you keep going back to the same old sh#t, Mc? Really, really try to spend some time and effort on mickleb questions and my question. Work at answers. And then ask why to them answers and stop asking why about the break up, those whys are taking you no where helpful. It seems like you want this to be easy, you feel bad, she comes back, sorry, but it is not going to happen that way. It is time to WORK HARD. P.S. Understand if you do start to do the hard work, and you do start giving up the pain, we will still be here for you if you want us to be. You do not have to stay in pain for us to care about you. . Edited November 28, 2009 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
Pentel Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 MCGrupp, im going tru the same stuff your going tru, i called her names too, i called her a bitch and a slut, i was insecure, i was possessive, i was really jealous, i too want her back soo bad, i want to hold her in my arms again, but not like we used to be, i want her back but with me changed, really appreciate her, really taking care of her, i love her soo much, i belive that my love for her is unique, i don't want anyone else, i just want her back, i just want my baby back, and im trying real hard to get her back, but she doesn't realize all the effort i make, all the pain i've endured, all the suffering, she says she wants to be alone, but all i want is her to be back with me, we made love this sunday, and she wanted to give me another chance because of that, but the next day she missunderstood why i was mad, and thought i was jealous, and broke up with me again, it feels soo bad, and yesterday she wanted to try it again later, but today she said she couldn't, that her parents didn't want me back, and that we couldn't get back together ever again, it hurts my soul so bad, i just want her back, i want her to realize im not the same person as before, i want her to stop having this image of me of being all jealous, angry, cursing person, i want her to see me as a caring person, the person she fell in love with, i want to call her so bad, but i know she needs some time alone, and maybe then she realizes that i really changed for her, i really want her to realize all the things i did for her after we broke up, i really want to believe it, but i don't know if she will, i really really love her, i regret everything, all the stuff i said, i tried to be the best person i could, but fear made me an awful person, i tried my best to get it all right, but she didn't speak her mind, i tried to improve, but she didn't let me, now im so broken, so hurt, i like to think that time will help me heal, but i really don't know, i really don't know if someday i will be able to remember her, i haven't tried so hard in my life, i try so hard to get her back, but every time something happens, so know ill try to go NC for winter vacations, just send her a text on christmas and on new year, i know it will hurt my soul, that it will be soo hard, but i have to do it, because maybe if i give her time, maybe she will take me back, and it will be all better, i can only dream, hope is all i have Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 is everyone's 20's this tough? Mine were, absolutely. My first really serious breakup, when I was 25, I thought that was gonna kill me. I really did. We'd been together 3 years, and I was in agony for months. Part of the reason he left was that I had lost myself in the relationship, I stopped caring so much about my career or my future. I didn't do it consciously, but I got lazy when we were together, in the sense that I really stopped pursuing my goals. So when he left, it hurt even more. It reminded me that whatever energy you put toward following your own dreams will come back to you -- not like what sometimes happens with relationships. So I tried harder to do that. You may have to start small, like others have suggested. Set a goal of looking for other jobs or going back to school or just something that will get you moving again, get you back in touch with yourself apart from her. The dead time at your job is a killer. Long after I was over my first ex, I still remembered how horrible it felt to be in a job where I had way too much time to think about him and what I'd lost. Sounds like you might do better in a job that forces you to concentrate more. Not that it's easy to just find another job, but maybe think about doing something else that's more interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 we all have regrets in a relationship that has ended if we have been dumped. We over analyse things and try to pick out stuff we did wrong in the hope that we can fix it and the ex comes back. I'm going though a period at the moment of wishing i did things differently. nothing too serious i think. but then the ex didnt really communicate to me on things she didnt like, so how was i supposed to know? if she wasnt bothered about communicating and prefered to sit on the issues then she might have been wanting the relationship to work out. because i know i wanted it to work out so would have compromised or wanted to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 im scared and lonely. really scared Like GrayClouds said, we're all scared. People don't talk about it much in their posts, especially guys, but it's definitely there, lurking behind most of what we write. McGrupp, I don't think you mean to be that insightful, but you just are sometimes. We're scared that we won't be happy again, or find love again. I think the answer is to acknowledge this fear but launch ahead anyway, in spite of it. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 If you want a beautiful bird to land on your hand, do you swipe at it and try to grab it, or do you leave your hand as a pleasant perch where they can come and go. First off, this is a wonderful insight, dazzle. I think all of us could improve our future relationships keeping this image in mind. Thanks for this. x (That doesn't mean to say you should let someone who hurts you come and go as they please, btw, LSers. ) P.S. Understand if you do start to do the hard work, and you do start giving up the pain, we will still be here for you if you want us to be. You do not have to stay in pain for us to care about you. Psychologically, McG, this is what you're about. I think you, on some level, want us LSers to reject you. You wanted her to do it so made sure you did. Harsh? Um, yeah. It is. I don't think you pushed her away so much in the relationship, from what you've said. I think you learned to trust that she might not leave you, and clung onto that hope quite tightly. (That's fine, normal, natural, etc to some extent.) I think problem for you has not been what you did in the relationship but what you did when it ended. Once she confirmed your subconcious belief that you were unworthy, you went all out to prove this to her, yourself, your friends, your family and the world, here, via LS. You make some progress. You know you're doing it, despite yourself. So, what have you got to do? What comes naturally? Sabotage. Oh, I think I get it now. Oh, so-and-so, you should do this. Yeah, that makes sense... I can't do it. I've got to break NC. I've got to screw it further, one more time. I can't carry on like this. I can't drop it. I know what I've got to do but I AM HOPELESS. I AM USELESS. I AM WORTHLESS. Can't you hear me? F*ck off, you're a bunch of losers for even trying. DON'T YOU GET IT, YET? I'M A F*CKING ARSEHOLE AND I ALWAYS F*CKING WILL BE????!!!!! Um, no. You see. We don't. We must all be stupid. Or, you must be wrong. It's one or the other. Do this for as long as you have to, McG. But we will still be here whilst you do. You can't get rid of some people as easily as you think. Yeah, you COULD get rid of you. But that won't change our minds, either. Bear in mind, also, that most of us have probably done this at some point in our lives until we learned that it didn't get us what we need, let alone, want. So. Slowly. Bit by bit. We learned to stop doing it. And to start doing other things, instead. (Or, we're on the cusp of learning this.) well i wanted to do camera. never worked out. now i write also in the NYC for a sketch group. thats my true passion now. thing is i havent been funny for 3 months. like besides incredibly depressing self deprecating humor. and ive missed opportunities (sketch ones) because ive been in this funk so to answer greyclouds, if i got a job i enjoyed with some people at it (preferably young) i could be satisfied i think Ok. Lastly. I'll keep it simple, now. I'm going to give you two choices. I want you to do either of these (or come up with a better one, but if you do, you've got to post it here so I can approve. Bossy? You bet ya. ) This break-up is a major point in your life. I want you to document it, somehow. You can choose to do this either by camera (I don't care how sh*t the camera you have to use is, either. It can be a crap camera phone or a disposable one - as long as you get it processed - or a flash $900 Nikon. Don't care.) I want you to every hour, every day, every week OR every month (you choose) to take a photograph of something (anything) that says something (anything) about your head, and where you're at. That's all. Or, you can do it by writing. Do the above but write down 1 thing (hourly, daily, whatever) that you think is funny. Simples. You've got to choose and you've got to do it. Because you can. No other reason. Start as soon as you can, let me know when you have and let me know which time frame you choose. I'll let you know when your next deadline is. That's all for the moment. Hope you're well. Thank you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGrupp Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 man i just want to go back to when i suggested the break...ya know and NOT DO THAT!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pentel Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 i know how you feel, if you read my posts, im in the same situation as you, but she tells me she still loves me, but now she said that her parents doesn't want us to get back, and idk if its true or no Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 man i just want to go back to when i suggested the break...ya know and NOT DO THAT!! Are you Dr. Who? Because I LOVE him. Please tell me you're him, pleeeeease. x Link to post Share on other sites
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