indie22 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 There is this guy that I used to know from my first semester and he is always bothering. I contacted him by email telling to leave me alone, that Im not interested in his friend or him in that way. It was polite email. I continued to say that I will go to the dean if he does not stop bothering me. I did not go to the dean because after that he sent me a nasty email saying that I was ugly, and he doesnt know why his friend even likes me and that no one gives a **** about me. Plus, I hadnt seen him in so long, so I figured he got the hint. Just Tuesday, I was studying in the library and here he comes, he had the audacity to sit on top of this table I was studying at and sat across...like he was posing or something. I felt my stomach tighten because I didnt want to make a fool of myself in the library.He said hi, and I said bye. I didnt move and he didnt either. I tried to continue studying while everyone looked at him like he was a jack*ss, and he kept looking at science textbook and flipped through the math papers that I was studying for. He said that he didnt know I was smart because I was studying for those courses (those are my weakest subjects, I'd been studying my butt off for finals:rolleyes:) And he said how pissed he was about my email and that I need to talk to his friend, how lonely I am and that I need someone in my life...I said sarcastically, why are you bothering me if Im so embarassing and ugly to you? I toned him out after that... Anyways, I said bye to him a dozen times before he left me alone. What should I do? Go to the dean or just avoid the library? He always showing up out of the blue, its like something out of a murder movie... (I apologize if this is to long...) Link to post Share on other sites
axisdenied Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 You shouldn't have to avoid the library over this. However, there isn't much that the dean or anybody else can do unless there is a compelling (and documented) pattern of harassing behavior. Log the behavior if it continues to happen and stand your ground with this guy. On your original question (why is he doing this): I'm going to guess that he doesn't have enough going on in his own life to keep himself out of it, ie he's bored. It's strange that somebody would be 'stalking' on another person's behalf. What you've described sounds more aggressive than usual, though. This would be why you'll want to start noting every incident that takes place from here on out. Link to post Share on other sites
CeeL Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Based on your story -- especially the unsolicited confrontation at the library -- I would say it's not too early to talk to your dean. There is usually a Dean of Student Affairs, or the equivalent, at many colleges. I'd agree with the other poster that you want to carefully document what's happened already. Couch your report in the most adult terms possible (because just reporting what he said makes him sound like a 6th-grader, which is sad enough). He sounds childish and aggressive, which is a bad combination. You are clearly being harassed and intimidated, and in public places; his rooting through your school papers and sitting on your study table makes that clear. I presume all students are held to a code of conduct that precludes this sort of behavior, so it's not like you have to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt, as for a court of law. The Dean will likely pull him in for a little chat -- THIS time -- and tell him to leave you alone. If he doesn't, report that immediately. You don't need this kind of nonsense hanging over your head while you're trying to go to school (or ever!). Cut it off at the knees. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
DenvyH22 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Notify the Dean, your friends and family. It is especially helpful if you have trusted contacts within various departments, as they can monitor unscrupulous activities on your behalf. You may want to consider asking your father accompany you to the library, though most fathers are protective of their daughters as is and would probably offer to regardless. Best Wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author indie22 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Update: Years later, I'm terrible at this but thanks for everyone's advice. I ended up going to campus police and showing them emails and documented incidences from him. Afterward he never acknowledged me agian! ☺ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Its strange how some people are. Even though I am about 15 yrs or so older than you. I have never been one to really go all the way to pursue a woman. We get so many mixed messages with falling in love. I kind of wish love and dating worked like this. Great matches come together. Single people are only attracted to single people, and there is not this mixed world of having people that are not interested in each other. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 He was just an abusive guy looking for someone to bully. Glad he is scared of the police. That will serve him well the direction he was headed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author indie22 Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Its strange how some people are. Even though I am about 15 yrs or so older than you. I have never been one to really go all the way to pursue a woman. We get so many mixed messages with falling in love. I kind of wish love and dating worked like this. Great matches come together. Single people are only attracted to single people, and there is not this mixed world of having people that are not interested in each other. Hi Mysterio, what made you mention the topic of falling in love? Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I guess I think that so many people use the word love so much and it messes with thier mindset when its actually lust that is the driving force. I would figure that some guy in your class has to study for mid terms and projects would be more focused on that, than bothering you. I basically used bad wording on my part. Its not a love thing. This guy is lusting over you and its getting out of hand. I was using my own perceptions of life and was trying to state that all this love stuff that we humans have to endure is out of hand sometimes. Why harass someone that it not into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 indie22, I would go to the Dean or your tutor and tell them what happened. You need to get a complaint logged so that if his behaviour escalates you have something on the record. I did not go to the dean because after that he sent me a nasty email saying that I was ugly, and he doesnt know why his friend even likes me and that no one gives a **** about me. Did you keep a copy of that e-mail ^^ because that would be evidence of bullying/harassment? You need to nip this in the bud. If not for yourself, do it for other girls this tw@t might choose to annoy. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
superhuman123 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 There is this guy that I used to know from my first semester and he is always bothering. I contacted him by email telling to leave me alone, that Im not interested in his friend or him in that way. It was polite email. I continued to say that I will go to the dean if he does not stop bothering me. I did not go to the dean because after that he sent me a nasty email saying that I was ugly, and he doesnt know why his friend even likes me and that no one gives a **** about me. Plus, I hadnt seen him in so long, so I figured he got the hint. Just Tuesday, I was studying in the library and here he comes, he had the audacity to sit on top of this table I was studying at and sat across...like he was posing or something. I felt my stomach tighten because I didnt want to make a fool of myself in the library.He said hi, and I said bye. I didnt move and he didnt either. I tried to continue studying while everyone looked at him like he was a jack*ss, and he kept looking at science textbook and flipped through the math papers that I was studying for. He said that he didnt know I was smart because I was studying for those courses (those are my weakest subjects, I'd been studying my butt off for finals:rolleyes:) And he said how pissed he was about my email and that I need to talk to his friend, how lonely I am and that I need someone in my life...I said sarcastically, why are you bothering me if Im so embarassing and ugly to you? I toned him out after that... Anyways, I said bye to him a dozen times before he left me alone. What should I do? Go to the dean or just avoid the library? He always showing up out of the blue, its like something out of a murder movie... (I apologize if this is to long...) oh my god, you are his crush don't you get it. it just like hey Arnold cartoon, Helga loves Arnold but she keeps messing with him Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 oh my god, you are his crush don't you get it. it just like hey Arnold cartoon, Helga loves Arnold but she keeps messing with him It doesn't matter if he has a crush on her. What he is doing is unacceptable and even dangerous to the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
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