18 Years Old, and Getting Married?

[b52s]

Hello

I just wanted to say that I’m brand new here, I’ve been browsing and I love the forum, but it’s my first time posting.

 

I wanted to bring up the issue of marriage and age. I’m sure it’s been discussed before, but I wanted everyone’s opinions on my situation.

 

I’m eighteen, and my boyfriend is eighteen (he is actually three months younger than me), and we have been dating for two years. He is a senior in high school, and I am in my first year of college. We became engaged yesterday, but we have been talking about marriage for over a year. We plan to get married this summer, a month or two after he graduates from high school, and a month or two before he starts college and I start my second year at college.

 

I am breaking the news to my extended family tomorrow, and I have already told most of my immediate family, and some friends. I’ve received mixed opinions, from simple “Congratulations, I know you guys will make it” to “Don’t do it! Are you crazy?! You’ll break up within five years”. I know both opinions are valid and everyone just wants to help, but it is difficult to take the negativity.

 

I know 18-19 is very young to get married in today’s culture, and I know a young age makes marriage even more difficult than it usually is, but I believe my fiancé and I have what it takes. We are mature (he especially is extremely mature for his age) and we have talked about the difficulties we will face. We’ve talked about budgeting and financial issues we might face (neither of our parents are helping us with college and we will both be going, we know we will be broke. We are both going to work and take out loans, and hopefully get as many grants and scholarships as possible, to get through). We have also talked about how marriage is not always easy, and we know that we will face rough patches and won’t always like each other, but we plan to stick it out and are going into this thinking that divorce is not an option.

 

We want to get married not only because we love each other, but because we are committed to each other, and want to be together for the rest of our lives. We plan to go through marriage counseling before we tie the knot to make sure we do this the right way.

 

I wanted opinions, not only on getting married at a young age (both positive and negative, I want to hear both sides) but also on how to talk to my doubtful family about this, and what difficulties my fiancé and I will probably face when we get married and how we can overcome them.

 

I know that was long, if anyone read that whole thing, you deserve a prize Again, all opinions and advice are welcome. Thank you so much!

 

 

The only people that I've known to get married at THIS age were devoted Christians, but, heck, even in the Christian community the divorce is high.

 

I used to know a friend who told me that there's this couple that I knew of that was getting married shortly after high school, like she was proud of them or something, and I said, "You know, people who marry that young, percentage-wise, don't last"

 

She got irritated with me when I said that, but it's the truth....better to wait a few years, experience being on your own, go off to college for 4 years, get an education without being tied down to a marriage....and THEN consider marriage.

 

On the brighter side, I like to look up women I had crushes on years ago, to see if they're divorced now....there was one woman in my community college class that I had a serious crush on, she was 19 at the time, but engaged to some military guy.

 

I figured, "Hm, let me look her up, she's gotta be divorced now...or on her 2nd marraige/boyfriend

 

I found her, turns out she is mid 30's and STILL with the SAME guy she married when she was 19...go figure, eh? LOL Dissappointing, but that's life. lol

[Angel1111]

I don't understand the rush to get married, either. College is challenging enough without adding the pressure of marriage to it. Also, you're probably hurting your chances for grants by getting married. But what I see as the real problem here is that neither of you have learned to be on your own, and this is very critical to growing up. And no matter how mature you are, this will become an issue down the road. You'll never have the chance to experience who you are without having to consider another person's preferences. I think my son and his gf are doing things right. They met right before their senior yr in high school and now they're both in college - 1st yr. They're crazy about each other but they have also discussed the importance of enjoying their college experience as individuals. They see a lot of each other but they also give one another a lot of space. They're very realisitc and know that their relationship may not last because of how young they are. If it lasts, then they still have those cherished memories of college as their own memories. This may not make sense to you, but getting married now is a mistake. Learn who you are first and then see what happens.

[carmen2009]

18 years old is way too young to get married. What's the rush? If you are meant to be with him then you have the rest of your lives to settle down. Go out & have fun now while you can. You're going to end up working for the rest of your life anyway. You only have one shot at being young & carefree. Make the most of it.

[shadowplay]

Do not do it. Please. Wait a few years. Marrying now would be a huge mistake.