dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I will start this by saying, I loved him then and even after all these years, moving, loosing people and growing up, I still love him. I met Pat 10 years ago this month. We were freshmen in college. I can still remember the day I met him. He was looking for a roommate and I was looking for something more...he caught my eye, maybe not right away but eventually I saw a rough image of someone who I wanted to know more about. He intriqued and piqued my senses, like no one before. I was only 19, but I had to know more, I wanted to be with him and liked him instantly. We clicked, and yes it was a little scary, I thought at 19 I had found him. I felt as if he was the one. Funny because he wasnt even going to give me a chance, as he told me he didnt want a relationship. Time moved on, we found ourselves together more and more and eventually one night, I was so drunk, and came back from a party off campus and found myself in his room and telling him things that should have maybe never came out of mouth that night. I wanted to be with him and I never cared about someone so much, all I remember is he was speechless and kissed me to shut me up. That was it, that was all it took and we were together, and I felt it was magical. I lost and gained so much from Pat, he was my first realtionship, we both were virgins and both had never thought we could ever find someone who we just clicked with so well. At 20 I thought, I am going to marry this man. We never talked about marriage, but it was always in the back of my mind. We were together for a year and 4 months. It was turbulant, but I never doubted my feelings for him. He broke up with me, I was devastated, for a good year I was a mess. I felt like someone had died, but even though he managed to date other people the last two years of college he always came back to me. We have both had relationships over the years. I moved back to where I went to college 3 years ago, last year Pat came back after 6 years of not seeing him and he professed he was totally completely and utterly still in love with me and yes we did make love, and it was amazing. Now after 10 years, I am not the same girl I was, I am 30 years old. So is he. I do not know what to do because after this time I still love him, but he tells me he just wants to be my friend and honestly still contacts me telling me that there is difference between caring deeply aboout someone and wanting to marry them. Am I wasting my time talking to him or even wanting to try to be friends after all these years? Am I just an ego boost to him? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 not sure if i would call it a ego boost, but i sure would call you his booty call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 i was afraid someone was going to say that. maybe you are right, but i guess it was never about sex with us. but maybe mark is right, maybe he just wants some, but after 6 years? thats a long time to wait for a booty call... Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Hey dreams, I'm a little confused. Did you sleep with him once last year? and are you only in contact with him now, as friends? .. but he tells me he just wants to be my friend and honestly still contacts me telling me that there is difference between caring deeply aboout someone and wanting to marry them. I think he probably cares for you, but not enough to want to be with you fully. I know how this feels, it's not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 I am sorry if i was not clear. The story goes as this. I graduated college 7 years ago. I thought I would never hear from him ever again, or ever see him again for that matter. I moved to Florida, 6 months after I graduated. He would contact me on AOL IM everyday for 4 months straight, until finally I asked him what he wanted from me. He said he had moved back in with his mom, had a gf and was going to church. I said fine, good for you, what did you need to tell me for. He wanted to let me know and see how I was doing. Then all the hurricanes hit in Florida the summer of 2005. He was right there again, wondering if i was ok, and all. then i didnt hear from him for maybe a year...i got into a relationship that went nowhere for 2 years. I finally made a decision to move back north and right when I was in the process of moving, pat was back asking me if i was going to marry the man i was with and wondering why i was comming back north. I said I didnt like fl and i needed to come back. we started talking about our relationship so long ago...as he told me he broke up with that girl and i told him I was done with the guy i was with. that was as far as it went. I moved back north, and didnt hear from pat for a good year and half. never ran into him, even living 15 mins away from him. Finally after a string of bad realtionships, bad jobs, last dec he contacted me, wanting to get together. I agreed. He came over. It was that time in your life where you havent seen someone in so long and he is right on the other side of the door and you know once you open the door it is going to be completely different. He came in and we hung out all night. I had a pillow between us as I was little uncomfotable with him and didnt want him touching me. Not because I thought he was digusting or anything but because I knew if he touched me it would be all over and that there was no going back. 10 years later and I didnt want to fall back, but I did, he took my hand and kissed me and I guess I was a fool. I fell right back into his arms, that felt so comfortable and i missed his touch after all those years. maybe i am a hopeless romantic or just a stupid jerk for sleeping with him, but we did and it was amazing. maybe it was part comfort and part loneliness. whatever it was for the first time in 10 years i felt complete and was the best feeling i have ever had. the weird part i thought pat loved me the least out everyone i had been with and he was the one who cared and loved me the most. Now it is 10 years later and he still there, lurking in the shadows, but i know what I want. i want to get married and have kids and even though I know he may not want that, why do i feel like he is my soulmate after all these years? Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 He was your first love and as the song goes, your first love is the deepest. He may be your soul mate, but I believe we have more than one in our lives. I also think that we can have soul mates/kindered spirits who don't necessarily end up being our partners for life. You never know what the future holds, just hold onto your dream of getting married and having a family. Keep looking, keep the possibilities open. Maybe someone will come along who makes you feel even better than he has done in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 maybe you are right. I think i need to close the door on this chapter, but it is so hard...i said I never would, but i guess i have to move on and keep my mind open to other men who could possibly be better to me Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 i want to get married and have kids and even though I know he may not want that, why do i feel like he is my soulmate after all these years? Because you haven't met anyone else who you liked more than him, so he's the closest thing you've found to a soulmate. Especially because you want marriage and kids, and it's easier to imagine it with him than it is to imagine the hassle of finding someone new to do that with. It's tempting to assume that he is your soulmate, but if he was he wouldn't be treating you so callously, both now and in the past. It's easy to think only of your own feelings and not consider how the other person is feeling - you may love him, but he doesn't love you. If he loved you, he wouldn't have dumped you and ignored you for several years, and he wouldn't be telling you now that he just wants to be friends. He isn't treating you in a way that would make you believe you're his soulmate... that's an idea which you're basing solely on your own feelings and actions, not on his. You need to take off your rose-tinted glasses and face the truth that he doesn't love you and he's keeping you at arm's length. I know exactly how you feel... my ex dumped me, and in eleven years I never met anyone else who I liked more than him, I still had feelings for him. He, meanwhile, was happy to spend all those years away from me even though he could have come back at any time. He would get in touch briefly and then vanish again, because I clearly wasn't important enough for him to stay in touch with. After eleven years we got back together, and I was ecstatic, I felt like it was meant to be. But after a while I started to notice annoying things that I didn't notice when I was younger... he was rude, judgemental, deceptive and egotistical. When I thouht about it, he was always like that, I just never really thought about it before. I dumped him When someone else came along who I liked better than my ex, any lingering feelings for him completely evaporated... they were only hanging on to him because I had nobody else to bestow them on, and when I loved someone else I no longer loved him. It didn't work out with the someone else, but at least he cured me of loving my ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 maybe you are right. I think i need to close the door on this chapter, but it is so hard...i said I never would, but i guess i have to move on and keep my mind open to other men who could possibly be better to me Yes, and you're 30 now, what perfect timing for a new and exciting chapter Don't give up hope, there are many wonderful men out there just waiting for someone like you! Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 After eleven years we got back together, and I was ecstatic, I felt like it was meant to be. But after a while I started to notice annoying things that I didn't notice when I was younger... he was rude, judgemental, deceptive and egotistical. When I thouht about it, he was always like that, I just never really thought about it before. I dumped him Funny how that happens. I guess we only remember the best of our ex'es sometimes - build up a fantasy of someone in our head, who in reality, doesn't even exist! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 Isnt it funny how we always remember the great times and the great memories and tend to forget that crappy times. There were things that really annoyed me about pat, the fact he was self centered, nothing ever made him happy and his mood swings were worst then any woman i had ever known. also the fact that he still acts like i have pined after him for all these years. his one text message to me recently was, are you sure you can be my friend? this isnt a ploy to get me back is it? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? he acts like im totally helplessly in love with him and would do anything to get him back. i was appauled he would ask me that. jesus like i havent been with anyone since him, or cared about anyone else... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 thorton-you are so right, i havent met anyone who has made me feel as he did once, i belive you are correct so i associate that with him and think he may be the one, when in fact he is far from it. your right he is holding me at arms length and if he really loved me he wouldnt treat me this way, a friend doesnt even treat you this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 his one text message to me recently was, are you sure you can be my friend? this isnt a ploy to get me back is it? Urgg.. That would annoy me too... You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 >6 years of not seeing him and he professed he was totally completely and utterly still in love with me and yes we did make love, and it was amazing. Now after 10 years, I am not the same girl I was, I am 30 years old. So is he. < I dont understand why he doesn't want a relationship with you if he is in love with you still? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreams13 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 i agree- i dont know why either, but then again pat has always been like this, i love you and then i dont love you. i think he likes the comfort of me, but you would think, he has had other girlfriends, other loves, why keep coming back to me, because i am the only one who never closes the door on him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lisalisa2 Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Is he Sagittarius? Link to post Share on other sites
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